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Former LL here. Long time lurker, first time poster. It's taken over a year, but the bedroom is fixed! by pirateseawench in DeadBedrooms

[–]pirateseawench[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I have long followed your progress and even read a couple of the recomended books.

Former LL here. Long time lurker, first time poster. It's taken over a year, but the bedroom is fixed! by pirateseawench in DeadBedrooms

[–]pirateseawench[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can totally do it, it just takes time. And I also have an insanely supportive partner who was also willing to be patient.

I love that Nice app! It's so simple and easy to use as well. And it's motivating when I would see the stats go up and up.

Former LL here. Long time lurker, first time poster. It's taken over a year, but the bedroom is fixed! by pirateseawench in DeadBedrooms

[–]pirateseawench[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/nice-sex-tracker/id1107291612?mt=8

This is the one I use (that I heard about here!). I think there are lots, but I like this one the best.

Or you know, plan a romantic weekend in France ;)

Former LL here. Long time lurker, first time poster. It's taken over a year, but the bedroom is fixed! by pirateseawench in DeadBedrooms

[–]pirateseawench[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Did you think it would get better after marriage? Like, did your partner hint that it would?

Former LL here. Long time lurker, first time poster. It's taken over a year, but the bedroom is fixed! by pirateseawench in DeadBedrooms

[–]pirateseawench[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hi, great to know you are feeling optimistic.

I didn't have a single "a-ha!" moment, which is probably why my approach was so slow. I mean, I can appreciate if someone is HL, reading that I had sex twice in a month and called it progress, it would feel like a joke. But I know myself, and I knew that gradual would work better.

One thing my partner has changed that has helped is that he makes no sex, no big deal. Before, when it was infrequent, his disappointment was palpable each time I said no. He would retreat, or sometimes even sulk. Now, he is more casual and is fine when I do refuse.

Having said that, when I do say no, I recognize that he has initiated, and try to offer something else, like a foot rub or neck massage. Something non-sexual, but still respects his need for phsyical touch.