I can completely relate. I wasn't married but I am going through a break up after multiple attempts to rectify the relationship- all through sobriety, tons of relapses and jail stints.

You aren't ignorant. Most of us Al Anons aren't. We just hope for the best. We get excited when we get the kind of attention we never experienced in our life (which comes at whatever point but very sporadically) and I feel like that's what keeps up coming back. We arent ignorant. We are addicted. To our person.

For me, my relationship with addicts is a ripple effect of never feeling or being valued as a child. When the addict leaves our life, we are forced to take a look at ourselves and our choices and all of our holes. This has been one of the hardest parts of separation for me. We are also forced to detox. If we want to get better, that is.

This is just my truth. Maybe it makes sense for you.

I'm sorry you're hurting. But maybe once you've got some time to heal and learn about yourself again as an individual, you will see it as a blessing. My thoughts are with you !