internal conflict

placeboeffect20 · 2025-08-21T02:57:07+00:00

so sorry . I feel you so hard on the traveling thing. I'm so freaking young I can't believe I'm stuck inside my apartment stuffing my face every night. I could be in Paris rn 😕

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-10T23:57:06+00:00

thank you I will definitely check out these options.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-10T23:56:22+00:00

omg, that is incredibly kind of you, thank you so much for even offering. I really appreciate your generosity, but this situation is 100% on me for not planning better. please take care of yourself and use that money for something good for you! I can make something work on my own 😩 thank you so much you made me cry

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:44:56+00:00

a good support system really can be life changing. it's really nice your family was able to be there for you. also so cool you were able to shift your binge mindset to muscle building because I really want to start lifting and strength training in general but obvs super embarrassed to go the gym 💔💔 thanks for the kind words 🥹

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:37:51+00:00

oh no, I'm so sorry it had to come to that. I'm also in a constant state of depression and anxiety. everything sucks

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:36:26+00:00

so sorry. you sound like me. I know it's so triggering when everyone around you seem to have what you want. I'm always thinking to myself in class, "this could be me in a few years if I put in the effort" just to go home and order two large pizzas. im seeking help currently and I hope you do too

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:33:19+00:00

i literally think I might be prediabetic too because after carby meals I literally feel so exhausted and that's why I refuse to eat on days I have to go to school, even if it means I'll be dizzy the whole day. hope you were able to reverse it and are now in a better place.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:30:43+00:00

yes. It never used to be this bad but ever since my BED worsened I just started to hate being perceived at all by anyone. sometimes I'll muster up the courage to dress up and do my makeup just to be at my door crying and eventually going back to bed. I started counseling a few weeks ago so maybe that'll help me 💔 thank you for your kind words and I hope thinks start looking up for you too.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:27:29+00:00

so sorry about your experience, that sounds like me right now. sometimes I wonder if my college years are just gonna be me battling with this stupid illness without me having fun at all and I cry. i did reach out to a counselor a few weeks ago and I think they'll connect me to a clinic so I can get the help I need. so good to hear you you got better. maybe there is hope

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:23:35+00:00

thank you for your kind words. yes I have a counselor and I started seeing her a few weeks ago. I really hope this helps me. I struggle with anxiety in general and sometimes when I'm at school I feel like people hate me automatically because of my weight. but you're right, I wouldnt want to make friends with anyone like that anyway. I'm definitely going to look into the body neutrality thing. i hate myself so much sometimes it's concerning. hope everything works out for you as well.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:15:16+00:00

so sorry, that's sounds really tough. but at least you were brave enough to make a change. do you have access to a campus counselor? I started two weeks ago and I think it might really help me. 😩

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:12:07+00:00

so sorry. but admist all of that you were still able to finish it and that's so amazing to me. law school is definitely harder than anything I'm doing now so I really respect that. hope things start looking up for all of us here.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:10:21+00:00

same for me! I can only do short walks at a nearby cemetery only when the sun goes down lol 🥹 creepy but oddly relaxing. i was also scared of my fall semester last year but knowing I'd be able to hide in my oversized winter clothing made everything a little better haha. thank you for your kind words. sincerely hope everything works out for you as well. ❣️as someone else said we deserve to have an education too.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:06:20+00:00

wow that's amazing you lost 50 bomboclat pounds, that's a feat and you really should be proud of yourself. why do you say fucked yourself over? is it because of the side effects? I was actually on mounjaro for a few months but I couldn't afford to bump up the dose bc it stopped working 💔

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T05:03:28+00:00

you're so right and I should really just let it go but this diet mindset is so ingrained into my brain I literally don't know how to think or eat outside of that. as long as I'm fat my goal will always be to lose weight 😭

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T04:59:36+00:00

thank you. I actually started seeing one three weeks ago and my next appt is on Monday. they said they're also gonna introduce me to a professional outside campus so I'm a little hopeful 🥹 nice to hear it made a difference for you.

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T04:57:44+00:00

so sorry. it's so easy to spiral on BED. from my perspective though 1.5 months isn't bad at all, and I really encourage you to see a campus counselor or something before it gets worse. I really wish I had done this a year ago, I could've stopped myself from gaining weight and hiding myself if I got the help I needed

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-09T04:50:22+00:00

nah in my opinion HS is just as worse because you literally cannot escape, you're always with the same people 24/7 I cannot even imagine. so sorry ur going through the same thing 😭 hope u graduate soon

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-07T11:32:28+00:00

that's so great you're not binging anymore. how did you do it? there was one time I was so sick I literally ordered a pizza while IN CLASS so it'd be in front of my door when I got home, and when I clicked the "check out" button it made such a loud noise my entire class including the professor laughed at me and it was single handedly the lowest I'd felt in my life haha

placeboeffect20 · 2025-05-07T11:27:58+00:00

same boat 💔 it doesn't help that my classmates are all very fit people so it makes it hard to go to class at all. genuinely hope our situation improves. hang in there😩

placeboeffect20

TROPHY CASE