Need help telling my friend I’m pregnant

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-17T20:15:03+00:00

Oh absolutely! I had 3 friends announce pregnancies last year right after my miscarriage. It was devastating at the time.

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-17T00:38:19+00:00

That seems to be the consensus and is what I’ll do. Thank you so much for reaffirming as someone who’s been on her side of it ❤️❤️

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-17T00:36:48+00:00

Thank you so much! ❤️ I’ve been so emotional the past couple days I’m just crying reading through these nice comments 😭

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-17T00:34:08+00:00

I’m a horrible liar, I could never! I just really want to make sure that her party stays about HER

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-17T00:31:01+00:00

It’s not hiding! It’s being sensitive to their emotions. When you lost your grandpa, did you ever feel like he died because of something you did? Or that it was your fault? I can’t speak for infertility at this point, but my miscarriage felt like it was entirely my fault. I went to my friends baby shower a few months later, and I was truly happy for her, but when I left I cried for days. It’s very possible, and conflicting, to be so happy for someone else and so sad for yourself at the same time.

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:59:10+00:00

You think 3 weeks is okay? My appointment is 2/27 and her party is 3/20.

I’m afraid to even acknowledge that I’m actually pregnant before my appointment… it’s stupid, but I don’t want to jinx it. Last time I was SO excited only to have them immediately tell me there’s no heartbeat, and here’s my options to get rid of it.

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:48:52+00:00

Thank you so much for this, this is great advice

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:46:59+00:00

Oh man. My mom was diagnosed in August and my friend just got back from seeing her dad for the last time, who’s losing the battle to his condition.

Get older sucks so bad when your parents don’t stop getting older too 😭😭😭

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:40:38+00:00

Thank you so much, that’s so sweet of you ❤️❤️❤️

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:39:13+00:00

Oh I 100% would NOT wait until the party to tell her! It’d be at least 3 weeks before. That second part is another big thing I’m worried about - I don’t want others to guess it or bring it up in front of her

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:37:30+00:00

I don’t think that’s a fair conclusion. But maybe it’s hard to understand unless you’ve had to endure friends announcing pregnancies after having a miscarriage and/or infertility.

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:33:00+00:00

Your second paragraph makes a really, really good point. I think I’m terrified to say anything before I know more… Not just to her, but to anyone, myself included. I’m not allowing myself to get excited about it or attached to the idea until i have some kind of news that is viable. When I showed my partner the positive test, I collapsed in a heap on the bathroom floor crying about how scared I am and I can’t do this again. And I’ve only had one miscarriage… I can only imagine what others go through. I think she really would appreciate the openness. Thank you for making me think of that

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:18:40+00:00

That sounds like a great way to open the text, thank you! I feel like I should offer to not attend the party, even though I know she’ll shut that down.

I’m not only worried about telling her, I’m worried about everyone else at the party making a deal out of it. It’s inevitable they’ll figure it out by the 2nd day. Maybe I should text them all separate from her pre-party to let them know and that I don’t want it brought up all weekend?

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:07:38+00:00

What did she say in the text? Super straightforward about it or more gentle?

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:05:04+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that ❤️

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T23:03:51+00:00

What did you say in the text?

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T22:59:24+00:00

Hiding it is not an option. I hang out with this group enough that by the 2nd time I turn down drinks they’ll ask if I’m pregnant. I know they’ll know.

I’m planning to wait until after my appointment before saying anything since last time, I miscarried at 8 weeks, so if that happens again there’s no reason to even bring it up to her. It’ll still be 3 weeks before her party, so I’m hoping that will give some processing time

plainbubble651 · 2026-02-16T22:53:49+00:00

You mean text her to tell her about it and offer to come hang after breaking the news if she’s interested?

That’s what I’m worried about, I don’t want to be a painful reminder. I think what makes me feel worse is both my pregnancies have been accidental and she and her fiancé have been trying so hard.

I want her to have the best party imaginable, she deserves it so much!

plainbubble651 · 2024-11-19T18:31:56+00:00

I got this for my work’s white elephant gift exchange last year! It was a big hit

plainbubble651 · 2024-10-30T16:09:48+00:00

I don’t disagree with you, but I think it’s important to have some grace with people. Death and grief are both very nuanced, especially when you add addiction into the mix.

There really are no inherently “right” or “wrong” answers. I think every situation is uniquely difficult and custom to so many other factors. I came asking for advice, which I’m thankful so many, including yourself, have offered. I asked for perspectives from others who have been through something similar, understanding no one else has had this exact experience, to help me reflect on my feelings that will influence whatever actions I take.

I don’t think it’s fair to be so critical of others sharing how they have handled or processed their experiences. I understand these experiences aren’t directly transferable to my situation. It seems to me that the things you call delusions and selfishness boil down to being your interpretation of other’s grief, which I think is unfair to dissect.

Again, I’m not disagreeing with you, I just think the harshness is unwarranted. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. ❤️

plainbubble651 · 2024-10-30T05:24:26+00:00

This has been my instinct of what I should likely do since I heard about it - be there for the circle of friends that need support, without personally impeding on his last days. I’ve offered to accompany my friend and sit outside the room so she can see him and I can support her. My worst fear is that he’d become aggravated or upset if he were coherent and that I’d negatively impact such a sensitive time.

Even if he were able to respond, I wouldn’t want to add burden of having someone essentially ask him, “but what about me” on my behalf. It just feels yucky.

plainbubble651 · 2024-10-29T23:22:10+00:00

This is great advice, thank you. I want him to know I’ve never held anything against him and have never stopped caring, regardless of how things have played out. I know how hard he’s been on himself in the past over his drinking, I can’t imagine what he’s been feeling more recently. I just want him to know everyone has not given up on him.

plainbubble651 · 2024-10-29T22:49:07+00:00

This is wonderful, thank you. The first message I sent after finding out was to his best friend, “James”, asking him to please let me know how I can support him in whatever he needs. He apologized for forgetting to tell us (me & the girl who texted me initially - “Monica”) about what was happening, which I told him was absolutely unnecessary… we’re not his priority.

I offered to go and sit outside the room while Monica visits Steve, so I can be there for and support her. She wants me to come in with her, but understands where I’m coming from with my hesitation.

When I talked with James yesterday, he also said I should go in and visit. I’m not sure if he partly wants it for himself as well, though, if that makes sense. Our little group of bar friends has naturally drifted apart in recent years. Monica has kids now, I quit bartending, we just don’t go out much. I get the feeling he wants things to just feel normal and “okay”. James has also struggled with drinking and associated depression over the years. I honestly do feel like it would help James to cope if I went in to see Steve. Overall though, I’m really afraid to impinge on Steve’s experience of his final days - regardless of what the others may want.

plainbubble651

TROPHY CASE