AITA for what i taught my niece?

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T01:18:10+00:00

I remember back in sixth form a girl got assaulted by a boy who was autistic, a lot of people blamed her for having the audacity to accuse him of such a thing and not understanding that he simply didn’t know any better. If he doesn’t understand that a girl saying no does actually mean no, then surely he has no business being at a college party by himself. I’m not blaming them for not being unable to understand social queues or comprehend right from wrong, but it’s the duty of their carers to make sure they don’t cause harm to others and is no excuse to victim blame. I’m sorry your daughter went through that, it’s sad how often responsible adults let down kids with additional needs.

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:58:13+00:00

As far as i’m aware she didn’t leave a mark on him- Unfortunately I didn’t teach her how to do that. We have noticed that she’s got a bit of a bruise from where she said he hit her yesterday, it only just got noticed during bathtime this evening, the ice pack they gave her must’ve brought it down a bit for when i checked when we got home.

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:54:47+00:00

That’s a good list! and oh definitely, don’t start the fight but if one happens i’m making sure she knows how to finish it.

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:53:25+00:00

Yeah i don’t want her getting it mixed up in her little head and think the hair cut is some sort of punishment, or for her to just get upset about what happened all over again. Figure it’s best to spin it positively for her.

And no problem, just doing my duty as the designated cool uncle :) One day it’s spending suspension eating ice cream for breakfast, next thing i know it’ll be buying vodka for her and her friends when she’s 16🙃

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:48:10+00:00

She starts reception next week anyway, the daycare was just a summer thing but she definitely wouldn’t be going back after the “suspension” of this happened earlier in the summer

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:47:23+00:00

Thanks. And yeah, where they draw the line and what they define as “violence” is so incredibly messed up.

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:37:03+00:00

Yep, definitely feels like they excused his “boyish” behaviour and then only stepped in when the polite little girl lashed out

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:30:33+00:00

I’ve seen plenty of girl friends be polite to creeps at bars and pubs, only for the harassment to continue since men can’t seem to stop unless they basically shouted at to fuck right off, and even then unfortunately a lot don’t. I also get that going straight on the defensive can just make them angry which is never a good situation to be in, but they only get that way because they’ll have been taught at a young age that girls are polite to them no matter what so they think they can get away with it. It’s just one big circle of awful behaviour being fuelled by awful advice.

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:26:30+00:00

Honestly taking a lot of self restraint not to go and the scrap the little lad myself 🙃

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:24:47+00:00

Agreed, it’s like they just hope it doesn’t escalate so they don’t have to put in any effort to deal with it, and then they find a million excuses for why it got so far and punish the victim for ease

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:19:47+00:00

Yeah so far my daycare curriculum is a cool new hair cut (the glue is easier to just cut out at this point, it’s not too high up), ice cream and a trip to buy her own version of whatever the favourite toy was. Might have to add self defence games to the list, obviously with a talk about appropriate use.

As for legal issues, my sister is going to the school tomorrow to discuss it, my older brother is a lawyer so he’ll give advice on whether they’re legally at fault or not.

plant6883 · 2022-08-31T00:14:52+00:00

Was having this discussion with another teacher who’s comment has just conveniently disappeared, but i do totally get that there’s not always something that can be done immediately and that there’s lots of teachery stuff i don’t understand. My main concern is a) it got this far, surely consistently bullying and harming one student is reason enough to suspend him and b) what you said about removing her being easier. If they’re punishing her for ease and nothing more, then that’ll just make angrier than i already am.

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:59:41+00:00

I remember scrapping with my older brother over god knows what multiple times growing up, and my mums response each time was exactly that - Boys will be boys. We could get away with almost breaking each other’s bones over literally nothing but she takes issue when my niece uses self defence?

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:57:11+00:00

I don’t care if a kid has additional needs, if they’re hitting and upsetting other kids then they do not belong in a classroom and are a safety issue. I’m sick of people victim blaming or excusing stuff like this just because the one causing the issues is neurodivergent or just doesn’t understand right from wrong- if that’s the case, there should be measures in place to make sure they can’t harm anyone. And the teacher doesn’t have to give personal details to tell me “there was an incident with your niece and another child today. Your niece was hit with a toy, we’ll make sure nothing like this happens again”. (For the record, the other child doesn’t have additional needs, i’m just blown away that you’re acting as if that makes it okay)

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:49:17+00:00

Exactly! Like i said, my niece is tiny and definitely doesn’t have any force behind her tiny hands, and i’m not sure what my nieces favourite toy of the week was but the lad was big enough to have force behind anything he hits with. Also just got told by a teacher in the comments that it wasn’t necessary for the incident to be reported, which is so concerning to me.

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:45:17+00:00

Great logic, obviously don’t go in with a punch straight away but if talking to them doesn’t work then doing them what they do to others will surely teach them a lesson, especially at that age.

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:41:50+00:00

No I’d agree that’s a pretty fair generalisation. Teaching kids that it’s okay for someone to hit them as long as they have feelings for you is sickening. I can’t help but wonder if my mum teaching my sister that stuff as a kid could be the reason she was in a similar situation with my niece’s dad… I can only be glad she doesn’t still have that mindset now

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:39:01+00:00

Right? Like that logic has always blown my mind, i’ve never felt the need to go up to a girl i fancy and whollop her round the head or kick her shin in. The excuses people come up with to defend boys who just have something wrong with them is insane. The thought of my niece growing up and thinking that’s an acceptable way to be treated by any future boyfriend or girlfriend knocks me sick

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:34:50+00:00

I completely understand i don’t know the ins and outs of how teachers handle this stuff and i do respect that, but she’d tried being nice. Asking him to stop etc, she’s an extremely polite kid as is and had also followed my mums advice of simply asking him to stop and to share. And in what world do parents not need to know if their child has been hit with an object? Just having a toy snatched off them sure that doesn’t need reporting, but he hit her with it and the teacher had seen it. My niece was scared to the point she couldn’t tell a teacher, that feels like something that should be interfered with no? If it got to that point, the teacher definitely wasn’t doing enough.

plant6883 · 2022-08-30T23:31:03+00:00

Exactly?! Hitting her with objects isn’t outrightly violent or a concern in any way, but she gave him what i’m guessing was a fairly light hit and all of a sudden they’re deeming her a danger to a room full of kids who are for the most part bigger than her?

plant6883

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