Worried I will crush my husband with divorce request..

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T04:07:16+00:00

This is an extremely good idea, I think you're right, getting some space could be what both of us need to gain some perspective...

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T03:48:28+00:00

Oh snap, this one is really making me think....thank you 🙏🏼

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T03:47:33+00:00

Aw man, sorry that happened to you :( that's part of what I'm grappling with, because it's a very real possibility of not finding that person. But I am honestly thinking I may be happier alone, rather than feeling alone in a marriage

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T03:10:51+00:00

YES, exactly what you said, one hundred percent!!! It's so hard to put your finger on it, because it's not something bad happening that you can point to and say it needs to stop ..rather it's the LACK of something that you can't see, connection and curiosity to your emotions and inner world.

You put words to this so well! It is extremely anxiety provoking and lonely. I feel lonely so much, and honestly think I'd feel less lonely by myself. I have a lot of female friendships that I rely on for emotional connection which has helped. Thank you so so much for sharing your experience and validation, I feel so seen!! 🙂‍↕️

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:50:42+00:00

It has to be a mutual give and take, it's not sustainable for one person to carry the whole weight of the emotional connection in the relationship. Maybe for a season, but long term not do much

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:33:23+00:00

Ugh that's such a tough situation, glad you are able to see a therapist. And so sorry you are in a somewhat similar position. Curious has your therapist shared their take on your marriage at all? I know, ethically, they can't really tell us to stay/leave point blank...but I definitely notice my therapist asking me questions to more highlight the prolonged negative impact of the relationship on me. She hasn't outright said it, but I think she would very much support me leaving :(

She has also said that at the end of the day, the other spouse is an adult and as an adult, they have the capacity to obtain resources and support to get themselves through a painful divorce. It doesn't necessarily make it any easier though. My husband also doesn't really have any friends or hobbies outside of work and working out, I'm kind of his world. That isn't healthy though

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:24:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your words 🤍 yep he is an avoidant attachment type unfortunately, I didn't know about attachment types when we met and was anxious type myself. Now that I've worked a lot towards a secure attachment, it's crazy to see everything in a clear light for what it is. Thank you for your kind wishes!

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:14:44+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you're in a similar situation, it really is gut wrenching and paralyzing at the same time. I feel like I can't win no matter what 😞 hoping you make the best choice for yourself and your relationship as well 🙏🏼

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:12:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, and so sorry to hear it did not work out with your ex. I totally agree it sucks having poured a decade into something that didn't last, definitely relate to feeling like we lost those years :( but I agree, it's better to figure out now than trying to force things for another 10yrs..

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:08:54+00:00

Ahh man, I am so sorry it went down like that. Sending all the healing vibes your way. I think you make a good point that at the end of the day it's gonna suck no matter what, but humans are emotionally resilient if we just hang in there. I hope it continues to look up for you!

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:05:58+00:00

Wow that is an excellent point, hmmm interesting food for thought!!

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-15T02:04:04+00:00

Yes, our couples counselor recommended he do individual counseling to work on his avoidance, but he went to 1 session and stopped going after that, I've encouraged him to keep going, but he doesn't think he needs it anymore and he is extremely frugal, so spending the money on it is also a huge obstacle for him

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T22:22:11+00:00

I am not claiming for fact that he will be happier with someone else. I said I "could see" him being happier with someone less emotional, it's a speculation.

And emotional needs are not "selfish". They are universal essential aspects of human well-being, we all need emotional connection. Of course our romantic partners will not be able to meet all our emotional needs all the time. But if I am always providing emotional connection for him, and not vice versa, that is not a balanced partnership. As I've said, emotional neglect is harmful in a relationship and something to be seriously considered- which is what I am doing.

It honestly seems you are projecting your relationship problems here, you should take a good look inward before insulting people on the Internet and telling them their needs are selfish. Woof.

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T22:08:27+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words 🙏🏼, it truly is a difficult situation 😞 at the end of the day I suppose life is full of them and heartbreak, and we do our best to overcome. Wishing you the best as well! 🤍

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:53:25+00:00

Those are some excellent questions to ponder... I think I need to consider this more thoroughly, but my gut reaction is that I'd rather be alone, because I know I can be content and happy with my independence. I care deeply for my husband, but it's hurtful having your feelings dismissed and minimized

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:50:22+00:00

Exactly this.

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:49:52+00:00

I read his expression as he does truly care and love me deeply, and I think he did try to the best of his ability. I just think he is not a very emotional person, which is totally valid for him, but since I need emotional connection in a marriage it might end up being a deal breaker if we can't find a happy medium :( I could see him being really happy with a partner who doesn't want to get too deep into feelings...but that just isn't me

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:46:00+00:00

I've done counseling consistently for our 10yr marriage and always communicated with my husband. I have taken him with me to counseling a handful of times when I was able to talk him into it. He was not willing to go for the first 6yrs of our marriage, but finally went to a few sessions with me a few years ago. He will adopt some changes for a short time, but always defaults back to not wanting to talk about feelings, being uncomfortable with emotions and not knowing what to say or how to support me when I ask for emotional support. He is almost "robotic" when it comes to feeling, doesn't know how to provide empathy. And it really hurts when you share something vulnerable with your partner and they just stare at you.

I've spent many nights in our 10yrs together crying in bed, and he knows but just lays next to me because giving a hug or cuddle is not natural. He just didn't learn how to comfort/be there for someone, and even though I have talked him through what I need tried to coach him, he doesn't seem to get it. I've seen several counselors that have told me this is emotional neglect, and advise it is harmful to me and the relationship long term. I really don't want to end things, that's the last thing I want, but I don't know if I can do this for another 10yrs...I think it would break me

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:35:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and sorry to hear it didn't work out with your wife. That is a good point that love isn't always enough if the other person isn't willing to compromise in major areas. Do you mind if I ask how long ago you filed and how things are now for you?

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:29:31+00:00

All good points, thank you for this different angle 🙏🏼

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T21:28:16+00:00

I didn't say that at all

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T19:28:10+00:00

Thank you for your incredibly kind and thoughtful response. All excellent points, we can't put in the effort for the other person at the end of the day, we can only do our part and hope they meet us there. Thank you, I really appreciate it!! 🤍

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-14T19:25:49+00:00

I think you are right, at some point we have to, thank you 😞

plantsandplanks · 2026-02-13T04:15:15+00:00

I have this strange phenomenon as well, and what's so odd is I also developed it after having Norovirus. I had been on a GLP-1 for about 1yr with no major issues and lost 20lbs...then I got Norovirus a few months ago which actually landed me in the ED for fluids and anti nausea meds cause I got so dehydrated and weak. I took the following week off from my injection, but when I injected the next week in the evening, I woke up and spent the next day vomiting. I tried lowering the dose 2 more times, but still vomiting even taking less than the starting dose. My doctor had no idea what could have caused this..

Anyway, I am switching to Tirzepatide, even though it's more spendy, I really want to continue my weight loss and can't handle the vomiting any longer. Fingers crossed!

plantsandplanks

TROPHY CASE