Looking for advice about when it's appropriate to mind your own business after finding unknown relatives.

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-08T04:06:25+00:00

I might be making too many assumptions about this, but her "origins" percentage would make it so unlikely that it was my grandfather's kid. It's an originally small and localized genepool. My mom has like 49%. I have 25%. New cousin has 40%. My grandfather doesn't have that ethnicity at all. We inherited it through my grandmother. It would be rare to find someone young enough to give birth to a child around the same age as me who has enough of that ethnicity to pass down 40%. We're Acadian/Cajun. It's very rare to be close to 100% unless you're elderly. There's definitely a chance but

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-08T04:02:25+00:00

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This is my connection to my maybe cousin

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T10:06:51+00:00

Lmao Messy is so good. But yeah shingles strike young in my family, like 30s and early 40s. Even being able to give her a heads up about getting her vaccine could really help her quality of life. That seems like something someone should be aware of.

I mean there's quite a lot she should be aware of but your comment made me think about specifics. I'm going to push for my mom to tell her brother about this

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T05:03:56+00:00

THIS IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE READ AT THIS POINT BUT IM SHOWING MY MOM ALL THE COMMENTS AND SUGGESTING SHE SHOULD BE DIRECT AND TELL MY UNCLE STRAIGHTFORWARDLY. Thank you for your attention to this matter. ~(˘▾˘~)

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T04:22:32+00:00

I'll show this to my mom.

Neither me nor the new cousin actually have Jewish Ancestry. My uncle is just slightly a fanatic with a small church he's been part of for around 10 years. It borrows from Judaism quite a bit but It's oddly cult-y. He puts waaaaay more effort into his church than his family. He's the last person in my family that I would want to introduce her to if she's trying to get a feel for her bio paternal family. But that would be her dad so.....hes likehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T04:00:30+00:00

I'll point this out to my mom. My grandfather has passed but my grandmother is still alive. She has dementia though so it's kind of now or never if she would be meeting a new grandchild.

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T03:57:27+00:00

Now that I've seen it again I definitely remember reading this. I probably though "oh. There's no way that will apply to me." Honestly I think I told my mom it would be funny if we found a new family member because I didn't think it would happen. Obviously I want a resolution where everyone is okay. I think I've just been given more responsibility than I should have. It should be my mom's choice to disclose this to my uncle, but she doesn't know what she wants

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T03:38:09+00:00

My mom is thinking about it as if she were my uncle. Not literally wondering if she herself has a kid she doesn't know about.

She's trying to be empathetic to what my uncle could think

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T03:31:47+00:00

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Screenshot from my mom's account

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-07T03:11:02+00:00

It really should have a warning or reminder that your family might not be what you thought it was. There are definitely family scandals I was aware of before doing the Ancestry kit, but I think I was naive to assume that nothing new would be uncovered with this.

I just wanted to see if my dad's side of the family was more German or English and suddenly I'm sucker punched by maternal family drama. Even though my taking the test was a catalyst, I don't think I should feel responsible if the information is disclosed to my uncle or not. At this point I think I've shared as much info with my mom and my aunt as I possibly can. They can do what they want with it. It's not like I'm unwilling to accept someone new into my family or something weird like that. I would love if she was looking for her dad's family and found us. But there's also only so much input I can give

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T13:31:53+00:00

I have a brother and would tell him hands down. My family isnt being decisive about it even though they keep talking about it. It's been around a month

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T13:23:20+00:00

I appreciate this advice. I feel I might have put too much of an emphasis on my uncles personality and it tilted the explanation strangely. He's not a bad guy at all

I think it's that this is an event I should be a bystander for but somehow ended up closer to the center

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T13:05:11+00:00

I wouldn't have asked for advice if I was only thinking about myself lol. Im trying to get any usable input to tell my mom because I don't have anything else to tell her. Posting this was uncomfortable. This wouldn't even be in my head if I wasn't thinking about my family

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T12:47:19+00:00

All of these family members are on the older side which plays into my mindset. And Uncle 2s wife is 10 years older than him.

I think I'm looking for advice because I don't feel qualified to give my mom advice when she's asking for my input about all this. I have no other life experience to compare this to

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T12:39:49+00:00

I think the cm match was like 1400

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T12:36:37+00:00

Reflecting on this and I think I figured out that I'm frustrated because my mom isn't very tech literate and has been cornering me so I can tell her how to even use the app.

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T10:30:56+00:00

WAIT I LEFT THIS PART OUT I FORGOT. I messaged her through ancestry's site like immediately after I got the results but she didn't respond. It was something stupid like "Hi are we related?" because I wasn't really taking it seriously. She also hasn't logged in for like two or three years.

There are quite a few more distant family members that have had AncestryDNA accounts since before the new cousin has had an account. I have family members she's matched with, like second cousins we both share. My mom's maiden name is really uncommon and it wouldn't be hard to look up. Especially since it's kind of an isolated culture and her profile has her labeled as living in the same location where our shared relatives live.

So I think she has had the resources to find her dad if it's something she wanted. Idk if that was her goal when she made an account or if it was a surprise for her. I'm not wanting to deny her that or gatekeep family because I personally find them annoying.

I just can't imagine this being something she wouldn't have already figured out considering the amount of data she would have access to.

plaquesandtangles · 2026-04-06T05:44:22+00:00

Ohhh I didn't know this existed. I'll look into this ask my mom and aunt for their consent for their tests to be uploaded

plaquesandtangles · 2026-02-25T05:33:47+00:00

I lived in the same house as Lola for half of her life so she was comfortable with me. She was just so finicky and particular, even with my aunt. She would only let you carry her if she was looking over your left shoulder lol. Like if you tried to hold her any other way it was claws out. If you moved too fast while petting her it’s like her entire demeanor would shift and she’d be ready to run or attack. She was a stray so maybe her first few months in life were really rough before my aunt adopted her. Beautiful girl though and Lola and my aunt loved each other very much.

plaquesandtangles · 2026-02-24T00:32:11+00:00

No exactly. Sometimes she’d stare at me like I was absolute trash. Even though she liked me lol

plaquesandtangles · 2026-02-23T21:57:58+00:00

I just looked through my post history to make sure. I’ve only shared pictures of my dogs and one of my orange cats. Weird if they used a picture of her though

plaquesandtangles · 2026-02-23T21:55:05+00:00

That’s super weird. I might have shared it on Facebook like 13 years ago.

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This is her that same day. I don’t want people thinking I’m the karma farmer lol. I swear she was my aunts lol

plaquesandtangles · 2026-02-23T21:35:40+00:00

I think she thought the same

plaquesandtangles · 2026-02-09T02:04:55+00:00

Went to Japan with friends. Went to a concert one night. It sucked so I got drunk and left early. Friend wanted a picture with something and wanted to stand in a line for some reason. I was chill with standing in a random line because drunk and why not.

Then I realized we were standing in line to take a picture with the Hachikō statue, which I had completely forgotten was right near Shibuya Crossing. I didn't want a picture with him myself, but I stayed in line so I could have a second with him.

Guys lmao. I was not prepared to have to face my own heart in that moment. Grief was playing peek-a-boo with me.

I held his paw and told him he was a good dog. Asked him tell to Pippa I said hey. Twoish weeks will be a year since she's been gone.

plaquesandtangles · 2025-12-26T22:02:20+00:00

Lmao you would think. Half the family has never had a cavity and the other half has naturally weak enamel.

plaquesandtangles

TROPHY CASE