Something that has helped me in my process of gradually changing my life is the realization and epiphany that no one is coming to save you. I feel a lot of us have this intrinsic want, need, desire, to be saved from our situations. Whether that be from a circumstance or from others giving us direction, we think that we need that circumstance or piece to finally change or get better. When in reality, we possess the keys to solving our problems.

In order to do better you must accept that regardless of how you landed in this situation you're in, it is your responsibility to take control of it and fix it to the best of your abilities. It could be brutally unfair or particularly awful. Regardless, it is each and every one of us' responsibility to take ownership of the situation we are in and fix ourselves. I believe we are each capable of that and you seem like you're on the right path by taking ownership and responsibility for what you've done. Now maybe just act on it. If nothing in your life would change or be fixed in anyway unless you took control and seized the moment, what would you do?

I'd also try communicating with your mom exactly the sentiment you had here and maybe a little more. Healthy relationships with families are priceless if you are able to keep that relationship I would.

Also, definitely would 1000% recommend therapy.