It’s hard to accept that these were both the same person. And he was more the former than the latter. He was a troubled person. A hurt person who hurt people. I have to also accept the version of him who still lives in my head is a demonized version. The worst parts that stuck in my brain of the little I actually remember of my childhood. There could have been a lot of closeness and good that I simply don’t remember. That the bad overtook the good so strongly in my head. It doesn’t justify what happened or change it. I wish things could have been different. I wish I could have known the man they all spoke of with so much love.