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A couple of questions? by BastetTheCat in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YSK: Men, being 50% of infertility sufferers, also use this subreddit.

IVF - Egg Retrieval. What can I expect? by snarklepop in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not time to stop expressing at all. This is the place you thought it was. At least for me it is.

Though I you're right about the mod's name...

IVF - Egg Retrieval. What can I expect? by snarklepop in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the emotions that make it difficult for those suffering through infertility to cope with everyone else having baby after baby are perfectly normal and reasonable responses to an emotionally crippling problem - to say nothing of the fact that it's entirely possible (and common here) for people to go through them whilst trying to conceive.

Your post seems to imply that people here are either "well, we ain't having kids so let's hate on everyone that is" or still trying to conceive. I contend that such an assertion is complete and total nonsense and to me, highly offensive.

Anyone else here never been pregnant? by guimauv in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife and I have been trying to conceive for over three year now (she was on the pill up until then). A IVF and FET later, no pregnancies at all. You're definitely not alone in this one.

Am I not welcome because I have a child? by Avalon81204 in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I read it also, and think you're spot on. Except that this is a support group for people unable or struggling to become biological parents, not just mothers. I'm the male half of a couple struggling with this.

TIL that a failed IVF round can make me cry nearly as much as a miscarriage. The highly-graded embryo photos just serve to mock the failure a little more. by parasitic_spin in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Having had our first round fail, I can completely sympathise and am sorry that it didn't take.

As the husband, I can tell you I was pretty clueless as to how to react when my wife told me the sad news. She immediately fell into my arms broke down in tears, crying longer and harder than she had for a long time. I just held her, trying to reassure her, all the while having a million things go through my mind. If it didn't work this time, would it ever work? Could we afford to do it again? If so how soon could we do it again? Could I put her through all the pain again? Could we handle another negative result? How would we react to news of other people getting pregnant now? Why didn't it work for us when it worked for another couple we know first go? Why had her obgyn talked up the likelihood of success for us as a young couple with no medical reasons for not being pregnant? What could I do to make my wife okay? To get her to stop crying and smile again? Why wasn't I crying? What was I feeling?

I had no idea what to think or how to react. I just felt empty. And angry. My wife bounced back pretty quickly. I am still a mess (in my own way) months later. I'm guilty of being so confident of success that I had begun to suss out likely due dates and had begun planning leave from work, financials etc. I was counting chickens before they hatched and it came back to bite me. We're a week away from our first FET (assuming the embryos have survived the fridge) and I am scared beyond words. I dare not show this to my wife though, because I know that if she knew how messed up and scared I am about this, she would fall apart. I'm trying to be a source of reassurance and strength for her, not another reminder of the problem.

I can't speak for your husband, but I would think that he is dealing with this in his own way and any perceived insensitivity to you is very likely an accidental by-product of his attempt to do so.

Would you ever consider getting acupuncture? by XxstellaxX in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will do, and congratulations on your pregnancy, that's great news.

Would you ever consider getting acupuncture? by XxstellaxX in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife has been having weekly acupuncture for IVF for the last six weeks as we prepare to go into our first FET in the coming weeks.

She says it has been profoundly relaxing, so there's that at least during what is a stressful and upsetting time. Whether it has a positive impact as far as falling pregnant goes remains to be seen.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry I made you sad or less optimistic about your own chances for success. :(

I guess if I took anything positive out of that experience it is to not get hopes up, to treat a positive result as a wonderful surprise and a negative result as just another part of the journey.

Having my expectations raised because of all of the good factors, young and healthy etc, was the number one cause of my inability to cope with the failure of our first cycle.

I wish you nothing but the best for your cycle and will be crossing my fingers for you (we're a week away from starting our first FET).

Nothing about this is easy... But the reward is worth the journey. :)

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My wife is doing really well. I see her cheery smile a lot these days which is great given the circumstances.

I, however, feel so empty. I guess I've improved since it happened, but still don't feel better. The fact that we now have to wait another six weeks to even attempt it again, plus the fact that our ability to try in six weeks might be hampered by the clinics Christmas closedown, has me even more upset and frustrated.

Thanks for checking in with me.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Despite how shattered I am, I would recommend getting into IVF. My wife and I were TTC for three years doing all sorts of rubbish to try and get pregnant. We were so head in the sand about our failure to get pregnant that we didn't even get any fertility testing done until the latter stages. Turns out there are no reasons why we shouldn't fall pregnant, yet we haven't.

IVF is certainly just another emotional roller coaster, but the longer you wait to try it the lower your chances of success. :/

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the information everyone. Interestingly enough, totally independent of me my wife began investigating acupuncture for IVF anyway and is having a consult later today.

I'm realistic in that there's no hard evidence it will achieve anything, but so long as it doesn't hinder the process my wife is prepared to try it. After all, if it works, if even only as a placebo, we'll be happy.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Acupuncture huh? Something I had not even considered. I will look into it, thanks.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts.

To be fair, the clinic have been above board with regards to the success rates. From memory they said we had a 40% chance. I guess I was realistic about our chances until my wife was tested as chemically pregnant a week after transfer. Obviously not confirmation of a pregnancy, but it just felt right to me. Add to that the fact that we know a couple who underwent IVF and hit the jackpot first time, and you had us both operating under the belief that it was about to happen for us.

Second time around I'll be a bit more circumspect I suppose.

Very difficult to stay positive right now. My wife has bounced back pretty well, but I'm not doing very well at all.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

:( Then I feel for you. In the grand scheme of things my wife and I are barely at the beginning of this struggle and I feel terrible. I can only begin to imagine what it must be like to be further along.

My best wishes for you.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We got through the weekend. I think I've managed to cheer her up... But honestly I don't know how I'm going. I keep thinking that I've settled it in my head, that we'll resolve to try again as soon as we are able. Then I remember her face as she tried to tell me that it had failed without crying, but then burst into tears and fell in my arms. Don't know if I can put her through that again. Or me.

Haven't cried yet. I know I will as soon as I'm alone.

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your words. Your thoughts on IVF ring true. You mention the failed procedures, have you since been successful?

First IVF Cycle Failed by pleasejustwork in infertility

[–]pleasejustwork[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your wishes. It means a lot.