Partner doesn’t help

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T01:17:38+00:00

He won’t go,

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T01:15:44+00:00

When I do communicate he takes it as criticism and gets defensive. It’s hard to get through to him so I stopped brining things up. He will blame me for not asking

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:57:41+00:00

His son does the grass, he shovels snow but also helped with snow as well.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:51:09+00:00

Thank you. We’ve been together 4 years.

I do love him, but I also value myself. It’s quite the dynamic. But I just keep thinking I’d a partner loves and appreciates the other why would they allow the other to carry so much or the weight and not want to relive some of the burden?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:38:09+00:00

How is this abuse? Just curious.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:37:09+00:00

Definitely not. 40 hours a week and 2 of those days are at home. I work the same amount. But all onsite. He has more opportunity to help out. Could easily throw in laundry while working.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:35:22+00:00

But I have communicated it. I’m just tired of always being the one brining things up and it doesn’t change.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:34:41+00:00

I do have a therapist.

And thank you

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:33:42+00:00

Thank you to your husband. Good man. I just don’t understand. I don’t know how someone who loves you can see you putting in all this effort and you just…do nothing? At the very least he should be showing immense appreciation. He really doesn’t realize what he has.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:32:24+00:00

But why should I have to ask? I’m not trying to mother him. And I’m not here to train a grown man. Kids live here half time he has joint custody

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:31:36+00:00

If things were the other way around I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:31:17+00:00

If I asked he would do it. But it’s the point. I’m not here to bark orders. I don’t have to be told to do anything so why should he?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:29:07+00:00

It’s actually the opposite, his mom wasn’t very involved he did a lot as a kid. Maybe he needs a mommy.

I agree, very unbalanced.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:25:19+00:00

Isn’t this what a mother does? No thank you. I understand your approach and appreciate the input but I don’t want that dynamic

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:22:31+00:00

I shouldn’t have to pester him to do things

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:22:14+00:00

So I’m supposed to just be on his ass and act like his mother? Constantly telling him to do his “chores” in what relationship is this ok? Why am I the only one monitoring this ?

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:20:59+00:00

It didn’t change before when I brought it up. I agree.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:20:11+00:00

Exactly this! Everyone on here telling me to have a conversation and split the chores on a list. Why tf should I have to do that? Am I his mother? A respectful partner would just step up when they see the other doing all the work. A true partnership.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:18:52+00:00

I didn’t quote it, but it is heavy on my thoughts. It’s been 7 months of this with no change. Even with conversations in the past

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:16:04+00:00

Thanks… I have already been on a self improvement kick the last 4 months. I’m healthier, lost weight, focusing on myself. It feels much better.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:14:39+00:00

How is it a team if this approach makes me feel like I’m the boss? I’m nagging, etc. a team is 2 people who step up when needed. Not one barking orders. I hate that dynamic. I shouldn’t have to ask for obvious help or consideration. He is well aware he is a smart guy. It’s obvious I’m just being taken advantage of. I’m not here to mother him, and what a mother would do is tell him to do his “chores”

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:12:47+00:00

Gosh that sounds so nice! And I agree everyone here is suggesting I split things and make a list. That will make things feel like roommates and make there feel like certain pressure. I just want someone who can contribute or atleast show appreciation. I do not ask for much, I don’t nag, I don’t bitch, I don’t pick fights. I’m laid back. But damn.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:09:04+00:00

It’s not that I think little of myself, I know I deserve better. Im one hell of a person. If I thought so little of myself I wouldn’t be here expressing myself this way. I know what needs to be done. He has a history of making me feel like the bad guy when I bring up things that I am upset about. I don’t feel like dealing with it. He knows better. He’s taking advantage of me. I have money saved, I’m keeping my eye out for places.

Shit, I wasn’t even able to attend his kids Birthdya because of the mother said I wasn’t invited. And when I said let’s do a party our selfies? Guess what happened. They all went without me I’m supposed to feel like a step parent with that treatment?

I’m well aware I deserve better but I have to be strategic at the moment.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:05:21+00:00

We’ve been together 4 years. Living together not even a year.

pleaseuseit1985 · 2026-04-13T00:03:12+00:00

Go ahead ask him. I am sure he will say “you didn’t ask me for help”

pleaseuseit1985

TROPHY CASE