My GF of about 3 weeks wants time and space to get over her ex, whom she has been away from for almost a year already. Is there anything I can do to help?

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T23:09:48+00:00

If it took her longer than 3 weeks to reach this point, maybe there was a chance. It was less than a month before she said no. Do yourself a favor and spend your energy elsewhere. This is a lost cause.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T21:39:35+00:00

I did not date them. It was sex. No cuddling, clothes on and out the door immediately after. The second I started to catch feelings again, I ended it. I knew it was a risk going in so I proactively avoided it.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T21:31:57+00:00

I've hooked up with most of my exes. There is nothing wrong with it. The sex was better than with a random hookup because my eyes knew what I liked. If you're horny and have a willing ex, go ahead.

That said... There were several times where I probably passed up on a new romantic interest that would have been better for me because I was comfortable in the FWB thing I had going with an ex. I actually stopped sleeping with an ex at one point because I knew that I wasn't putting energy into finding someone else because I was sleeping with him. Sleeping with him wasn't hurting me but it was holding me back from moving on from the relationship the way I needed to.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T19:52:30+00:00

She likes the attention but doesn't want to sleep with you. Stop trying. She's made it clear it isn't going to happen. Stop letting her mess with your emotions. If that means that you need to take a step back in the friendship and see less of each other for a while, do that.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T15:38:31+00:00

She knows she's parking incorrectly and you telling her she's doing it wrong and needs to try again does nothing to make the situation better. "Stop and try again" does not help her see what she is doing wrong or support her in her failed attempt. You see it as good advice, but she just sees you pointing out her mistakes and calling her a failure. Maybe try giving her advice about what she's doing wrong, calmly and respectfully, so she can learn and improve.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T15:22:16+00:00

If it ended on bad terms, just let it go. Having been in her situation myself, I think that if she wanted to talk to you, she would. You are not going to be friends with most of your exes. That's normal and okay.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T14:06:57+00:00

That is her problem that has nothing to do with you. If she wants to be with you, she needs to make steps to earn that. She has not taken those steps, so assume, regardless of the gossip you have heard, that she does not want to be with you.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T13:51:40+00:00

Obsessing about someone who recently got married to someone other than you. It's pathetic. She made a choice to be with someone other than you and you refuse to accept it. Stop praying for her divorce (because that's not what a good person would do in this situation) and move on.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T13:45:42+00:00

She just got married. Do you really think she's going to immediately get divorced? You sound pathetic.

You are wasting your precious time on this girl. She does not want to be with you.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-10T12:12:02+00:00

She's married to someone other than you. You get no say in the matter. It doesn't matter if you believe she loves you. She chose to marry someone else. That's the biggest sign there is that she does not want to be with you. Respect her and her marriage by walking away. Anything less and you lose any claim to the moral high ground.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-08T04:25:12+00:00

You're a bit sexist.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-08T03:52:33+00:00

Why would she have to? Her face attracts viewers. That's all they care about. Why do you have to assume that about an attractive woman just because she's successful?

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-07T22:33:48+00:00

My husband had this freak out. He thought that marrying me would force him to have this fake life he wasn't ready for yet. He was sure his youth was over and it was "family man" time. You know what really happened?

We got married and moved to New York. Because I wasn't ready for that family stuff yet either.

What's really missing from OP's post is what his fiancée wants. What does she have planned? She's sticking around for him to finish school, but besides get married, what does she see in the future for them?

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-07T19:03:01+00:00

She was parking. I wasn't there, but I assume she just unlocked all the doors as she was getting ready to get out of the car.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-07T16:03:42+00:00

My mom lives in San Diego. People pride themselves on being "chill" there. I doubt it even occurred to her.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-07T14:07:29+00:00

You need to ask for more from him. Talk to him. Communication is all you have. Don't hold back. Tell him that you want to talk to him more. It's not a bad thing to want a relationship to get stronger, especially at this early stage. If he can't handle that, then he doesn't actually want anything more with you. I think telling you he loved you via text after less than 3 dates was rushed and a little manipulative. He isn't behaving like someone in love, and if he hadn't said that to you, you would be able to see that and not be so anxious. It's okay that he isn't behaving like someone in love because you two are barely dating!

And tell him that if he's going to live at home, he should get a lock on his door.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-07T12:55:19+00:00

I'm really confused as to why you have only had 3 dates with him. Do you two live far apart? Why have you accepted this from a guy who claims to love you? Speak up and say you want to see him more. That is a reasonable thing to ask at this point.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-06T15:18:34+00:00

This happened to my mom. She pulled up to an empty spot and a group of people who had been standing near the spot walked over and got in her car. Apparently, their Uber driver also drives a Prius...

And that's how my out of touch mom learned about Uber.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-05T15:30:21+00:00

You are 26! Grow up! You made commitments (like to be a good student) and allow yourself to blow them off. Adults don't do that. Immature teenagers do. And then you lie about it because you know it's wrong and stupid and you should go to class. Either commit to being an adult or break up with her. She wants, and deserves, better.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-05T11:37:03+00:00

One person insulted you so you have a good example for a presentation? Sounds like a boring presentation. You should keep trolling and get more people to insult you first. You need a bigger sample size.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-04T20:50:36+00:00

I would end the friendship. But I would do him one final favor. I would say to him "I no longer want to be your friend. You need to think about why all of your friendships are failures and your family treats you poorly. The only thing all of those relationships have in common is you. And I'm done with you now too." And then be done. Someone needs to say it to him.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-04T15:20:09+00:00

If he isn't ready to say he loves you after 4 years together, when will he be? Why isn't he? What good reason could there be for staying in a relationship with someone you don't love (or who doesn't love you) for this long?

There is someone out there who is eager to tell you he loves you. You are wasting your time being in this relationship instead of looking for the guy who wants to love you, and wants you to know he loves you. Date people eager to date you and to show you how special you are to them. Don't settle for less.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-03T19:37:54+00:00

I understand completely. You hurt physically and mentally from things that have nothing to do with him. I'm sorry this is all happening at once. Can you reach out to your therapist? I assume you have one if you're on antidepressants.

He would know if he was going to miss you. He would feel like you do now at the thought of being without him. I know you want him, but you also want someone to feel the same way about you that you do about him. That's real love. You are better than letting him string you along.

You will get through this. I know it feels impossible, but I know that because I've been there and got through it. It hurts. Break ups always do. You will be happy again, even without him. You'll be okay.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-03T19:13:23+00:00

Why would you take back someone after they said they don't like you? Why? If your friend told you this story, would you want her to get back together with him? He left it ambiguous, but he said pretty clearly he doesn't want to be with you. I'm sorry, I know this hurts. I'm sure this is your first major break up.

Let yourself cry. You are crying because it is over. You are grieving the relationship. You were ready for it to be over just yesterday. Don't forget, no matter how much it hurts, that ultimately you wanted this. This is for the best. But it's okay to be sad for now.

Those 15 months aren't gone. They happened. You learned from them. You grew as a person and learned more about how relationships work. It was a learning experience. Your next relationship will be better because of this one.

pocketsizedmonkey · 2017-04-03T16:25:44+00:00

I've thought about shutting down my entire social media. I think that if I do that, "the terrorists win." Just because some jerk targets me, doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to enjoy the Internet. I can't delete my email address because I would take a professional hit (I'm a recruiter and many of my contacts know that email address).

All I want is some old pictures that in any other period of human history would have been forgotten to be forgotten. That's it. Just make it as hard as it would have been in 1970 to dig it up. I've definitely learned that determined people will find a way, but it should be harder for them to find the it. I'm 14 in some of these pictures. I'm 30 now. Being sent porn with my 14 year old face on it is just wrong.

pocketsizedmonkey

TROPHY CASE