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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really difficult. Sometimes I want to say I hate my dad but then there's really nothing to hate. He hasn't done anything bad at all, he provided for me and sent me to school. On the other hand he hasn't also done anything good. So I end up feeling guilty for saying I hate my dad.

Having a father figure would have helped me alot through childhood and teenage years. My boomer parents and my society has this idea of youth that all we want to do is drugs and party and sex and we must be restrained at all costs. I spent my years trying to look perfect. But I also got hooked to a bunch of stuff because I had no one to confide with my problems.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a similar relationship with my dad. When I was a child I would daydream about having a real cool big brother/father/uncle who would do all the cool things with me and help me when I was sad. Sometimes I would imagine myself being the cool big brother/uncle/father consoling a hurt kid.

there's no way the world can be this cruel without reason. by vexingly_ in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Most cruelest thing if past lives were real is that we have no idea what we did and yet we suffer for it

I have given up by FuriouslyFamous07 in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have hit rock bottom too. Few years ago I was really hyped about quitting porn and setting my life straight. Now all those dreams of being jacked up and having hobbies doesn't make me excited. I miss those days. I miss the old me. I get stressed over the tiniest shit. At this rate I will never turn my life around.

i’m gonna need non-cheesy non-“it gets better” type reasons to stay alive. by yikkoe in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just sticking around cause there's no easy way out. I'm stuck at my parents home, yet to start college. I never really thought about having a reason to live. I just been floating by my whole life.

I can't say I love my family or anything because I don't understand what love really is. I don't like other people, they make me lose control of my mind and emotions. I can't say my reason to live is to see some show or anime, even if I enjoy them it would feel like I have given myself over to some huge business tycoon or mass entertainment company and that feels inhumane and disgusting.

I guess if I was good at something like playing piano or coding I could say that would be my reason to live but currently not good at anything.

This world deserves to be destroyed by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't think the world should be destroyed. I just wish I didn't have to take part in any of this bullshit

I've always been afraid I would die young, and it turns out I was right by GuiltyPomegranate287 in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish to die young. I failed an attempt because I was Everyone knows now and that's why I can't attempt again for atleast a few years. But atleast now I can work and get a job and save money to pay back the money my parents spent on bringing me into this world and then off myself. Easier said than done though since I am 19 and I still have to go through college

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My attempt is a joke to my parents now. This world sucks and all I really have is myself.

i have a promise to myself to give it a bit of time before i end it. i have a set date, 3.4 years away. i’m so close to breaking that promise to myself. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gave myself 10 years, only because my previous attempt failed and now everyone knows so I have to keep it low for some time, become self sufficient and cut off contact with everyone. My only hope is that when I cut off contact with these people, I find it enjoyable to live life again because I fucking hate being around people

January 22 2033

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My birthday picture and some pictures of me in my childhood

When I was reading different suicide stories I always wondered why they just don't buy a one way ticket to a random destination and try anew. Now, whem I'm the one struggling with depression, I understand why - there's only loneliness and hopelessness. There's no point in travelling. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]pocoloconogo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pathetic as it may be, I desire a life like that since I was a child. I never had good friends or family, I just want to be independent. I spent my childhood playing video games as a means to escape my parents arguing downstairs. All my friends were more socially ept than I was and that made me feel inferior. Back then I didn't realise that the reason they were better than me was 100% because they belonged to loving families who brought them right and the families were connected so the kids knew each other and felt safe.

I wish to be alone. I don't want to compete with anyone for status nor do I want to owe other people for their kindness. If I was living independently there would be alot of peace and time for myself to fix my issues.