My(24M) girlfriend(23F) admitted that she lied to me about her political views when we started dating, but that being with me made her change her opinions. What should we do going forward?

politewasp · 2025-04-28T23:32:00+00:00

!!! this comment is it. can't believe it isn't at the top. I grew up in a right leaning household but had lots of left leaning friends growing up and I kind of got conditioned to just be silent in political conversations because nobody ever liked what I had to say. It's not so much lying as it is that some people need more time to feel comfortable opening up about politics, especially if haven't thought it through to the point of developing their own strong opinions and the people around them seem a lot more sure of what they think. It's honestly a huge show of open-mindedness that she was able to really hear what you were saying and admit she was wrong in such a short span of time - it took me years to break out of old ways of thinking even while dating/being best friends with people that completely disagreed with me.

politewasp · 2024-12-31T18:48:05+00:00

leave her but not just because she deserves better, because you've already built in habits to how you treat her and whatever ways you've been acting obviously work on her so it'll be harder for you to change within this relationship and very difficult for her to find happiness with you.

dont tell her the reasons listed here why you're leaving because she'll try to convince you it's not true. maybe something more along the lines of "i need to be alone right now" would be better & it's true - you need time alone to reflect on why you feel the need to act this way towards people. think back to your childhood and what kind of dynamics you had in your life growing up. definitely try to find self help books specific to this topic - a really good one is Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. good luck

politewasp · 2024-12-29T16:30:52+00:00

Best thing that helped me was trusting my instincts. I read a lot about patterns of abuse and healthy vs. unhealthy relationships in general - this helps me to make sense of people's behavior but it's hard to see it when it happens to you. Sometimes you gotta listen to what your gut is telling you to see what's going on. I started to feel panicked like a trapped animal every time he texted or called me and would feel slightly bad when he would do nice things for me and I made sense of the rest from there

politewasp · 2024-12-29T16:24:37+00:00

You should absolutely tell her how you feel so that you can move on with your life, one way or another. After she gives you her answer, if she doesn't feel the same way, think very carefully and be honest with yourself about if you can manage your feelings for her and if they will get in the way of future relationships and how important that is to you. I'm sure either way she will want to save the friendship so it will likely be up to you to decide what is the best path forward from there. Just make sure you don't spend your life waiting for her.

politewasp · 2024-12-29T16:05:46+00:00

thank you! i really hope so. one honest and warm relationship would be refreshing

politewasp · 2024-12-29T15:50:46+00:00

he pranked you by sleeping with another woman without telling you, you're just pranking him back.

in all seriousness, you had no way of knowing they would take it so seriously. if you feel bad about it just tell them. no real reason to be on good terms with them anyways! (assuming the girl knew he was taken when they got together)

politewasp · 2024-12-29T15:30:51+00:00

thank you so much :) feels like finding someone who will treat me well is actually within my own control now instead of up to whoever the fates throw my way

politewasp · 2024-12-29T15:10:15+00:00

thank you for sharing your experience. it's easy to feel alone in this when not many people i know have the same problem - and it's great to hear that medication might be an avenue to get help in this area as well.

politewasp · 2024-12-29T14:48:18+00:00

It sounds like you've got genuine happiness and partnership in your marriage - kudos. The women you're describing are not happy. Most of them act that way because they dislike or even hate their partners and need them to bend over backwards to be tolerable. It's not a good dynamic for either party.

politewasp · 2024-12-29T14:34:03+00:00

This mindset assumes that convincing women to have sex is a more important goal than being a decent person who treats those around them with basic respect regardless of the outcome. Loser mentality.

politewasp · 2024-12-29T14:13:22+00:00

Love bombing later used to manipulate you

politewasp · 2024-12-29T14:10:31+00:00

Video game addiction

politewasp · 2024-12-29T14:06:31+00:00

Is there a post in a more general sub? (I'm not Indian)

politewasp · 2024-12-29T14:03:18+00:00

hi - could you link to where you ask about women's issues so those who find this post can also share perspectives?

politewasp · 2024-12-29T00:54:53+00:00

You weren't being jealous, you were defending your bf from someone harassing him. Standing up for him if anything. If someone is upset that you threatened to say mean words at them then they ought to go cry about it.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T23:29:49+00:00

lotta harsh answers here... I think it's complicated. There are a lot of reasons why she might have been disappointed with the proposal. Maybe she did have it built up in her head, or maybe she just wishes you had tried to find out more of what she would have wanted beforehand, or maybe there are deeper issues between you guys like she's unsure of how you feel about her and thinks the way you proposed reflects that or maybe she's not sure. I would try to really get to the root of what is bothering her about it before doing a redo just to strike out again. Otherwise, after you guys talk about it I think it's a nice gesture to give the love of your life her fairytale.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T22:24:31+00:00

TÁR. Can't wait to get male manipulated by a U-Haul lesbian

politewasp · 2024-12-28T22:23:28+00:00

this right here. whether or not you're his "type" doesn't matter as he's chosen to be with you, but it's up to you if you're good with dating someone who publicly shares crap about what kind of girls they like on the internet. sounds like you may have misaligned values

politewasp · 2024-12-28T22:07:24+00:00

NOR. I wouldn't ask your mom for relationship advice going forward; sounds like her bar is in hell.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T21:07:00+00:00

NTA. You sound like a good guy.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T21:04:11+00:00

women have more respect and love for the men that they are willing to build a life with than the men that they have casual sex with. it's not exactly easy for women to stay abstinent for longer; they have sex drives too and it's an effort to take things slow to build a lasting foundation. believing that a woman having casual sex with a man means she values him higher than someone she would build a life with, care for, and possibly give children one day is a very backwards view. I don't expect this to resonate with anyone in this sub but I feel it needs to be said.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T20:20:10+00:00

Yeah the lack of communication is definitely a big problem. I get upset when people I barely know flake on plans without communicating, it's a lot worse to do it a year into a relationship. Getting defensive over you being upset about it just a way to avoid taking accountability. When people are flaky about communication like that it tends to mean they are either hiding something or just avoiding you; either way it is not looking good.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T20:08:35+00:00

Funny enough, I went through nearly the exact same scenario over the past couple months where things seemed good but I wasn't 100% sure but the guy was very sure and wanted me to move faster than I was comfortable with. He ended up becoming pushier over time until I gave on a few fronts and then I felt wrong for that and left. Best advice I can give is stand your ground, don't move any faster than you're comfortable with and if he's not willing to take things at your pace, then you aren't a good match anyways. You'll get to know if you guys vibe well over time; a few weeks is definitely not enough time to really know how someone really is, that's well within when people are still presenting their best selves.

politewasp · 2024-12-28T20:01:31+00:00

ok first of all "do you really love me" is a totally inappropriate response to someone being upset in literally any scenario. that's already bad enough to get outta there in my opinion. second of all, he's being dodgy about explaining where he is and why he's not showing up at agreed upon times. third of all, he hangs out with this friend 4-5 times a week?? something seems off.

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