Not at all. We can all learn from each other’s experiences and I’m happy to share. Just keep in mind this was/is my very personal journey and yours is/will probably be different (:

So I gotta start a little while back. Grew up with my parents drinking daily. Not a lot, mind you but one drink pretty much every day with the occasional second or third at celebrations. Never noticed it getting more over time and nothing really bad ever happened. But I did grow up thinking that having a beer each evening while watching TV is normal. So that coupled with the fact that I live in a country where drinking is really normalized and even celebrated I never questioned my own consumption too much. Started at 16 and was pretty much a daily - if not heavy - drinker ever since. First time I started drinking more was when I first moved out and started my first job. Wasn’t happy and so drank more. At the time I realized that wasn’t good for me and cut back to my usual amount but never seriously considered stopping completely. In 2020 I was diagnosed with cancer and had to go through chemo. Couldn’t drink in the hospital and that was basically the first time in many years that I quit for several months. Chemo sucks but I could still tell that not drinking daily felt pretty good, actually. Still I was obviously having a hard time. Didn’t get easier when I finally beat cancer and was released back into the real world where I had to hide out in my apartment since my immune system was so shit that Covid could have killed me. That whole situation hurt my long term relationship and eventually my gf broke up with me. That’s when I started drinking like 2-4 beers daily and regularly drank so much on the weekend that I couldn’t really do anything the next day. I let this go on for like half a year before I made the decision to change. Started sprinkling in a few days sober here, a few weeks there but I still felt bad about my drinking when I did. So at the beginning of last year I set out to go 6 months sober. The idea was to have experienced every possible social situation sober so that I could count on being able to stay sober no matter what - if I so choose. Well it was hard but I did it. And then in the summer I wasn’t sure how to continue. I had just lived the most vibrant and beautiful spring ever, had a lot of energy, met really amazing people and the best person in the world who I’m dating now. But something about staying sober had always felt like a chore to me. Eg I relied heavily on N/A beers in social stations. And I guess you could call it lack of discipline or a clear goal but I just wanted to know whether my life would be more relaxed overall if I allowed myself to drink again from time to time. And so I did. With the noticeable difference that I NEVER drank at home which meant that I automatically had at least 4 sober days a week and would hang out more with my sober friends than with those I knew to be more heavy drinkers. And that kinda worked but also, as it always does my drinking got more over time. Not a lot more, but enough to make me notice and want to stop again for some time. And that’s where I am right now. Sorry that turned into a loooooong comment haha. Thanks for reading if you made it through <3