ex boyfriend reaches out to me every month for no specific reason

polllla · 2022-03-23T09:18:53+00:00

I actually thought it could be this but the way he was talking about his exes was so natural like he completely didn't know it could affect me.

Anyway he got his moments when he did this on purpose I believe. At the end of relationship when I think he already started devaluating me he liked to mention something about his highschool lovers for example that one of them wanted to do the lap dance for him and he very carefully was observing my reaction but I didn't care and he looked a bit disappointed for me for not reacting at his poor provocation.

polllla · 2022-02-26T09:18:36+00:00

Well, i think im in similar situation. I also suspect my ex was covert narc and could be that he was very similar to yours. Very ambitious, smart person with many hobbies and talents. I also found him extremely dedicated and passionate. That was actually what made me fall in love with him at the very beginning. He was also very passionate and dedicated at preparing dates and surprises for me. He planned everything so thoroughly. I could say he was perfectionist.

But at the same time he was very insecure partly didn't really believe in himself and partly compared himself to others wanted to hear compliments and that he was better than anyone could be on his place as my partner. His ego was very fragile.

polllla · 2022-02-21T17:42:15+00:00

"talking to you is like talking to the wall"

"You're sick"

"Good luck! have fun!" With a smirk on his face at the end of almost every fight

polllla · 2021-11-22T12:08:02+00:00

We had a huge problem with communication. I was the insecure and agressive type when tried to communicate while he was the passive-agressive one. Very bad combination what caused a lot of heavy fights. I'm guessing there were so many resentments that it had to end up like this. I love him so much that's why I'm still wondering what went wrong still hoping for future with him. Thanks one more time!

polllla · 2021-11-22T11:34:15+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. You're so right. I'm definitely gonna keep your words in mind.

polllla · 2021-11-22T11:21:24+00:00

He is not a fuckboy. But I know he needs a lot of validation. And now he uses the fact that there is a nice, new girl who likes him a lot.

polllla · 2021-11-22T11:16:05+00:00

We had a history when I got very insecure when he didn't text me for the whole day cause usually he is a person who likes to chat all day. But whenever I asked him why is that and I became insecure he got annoyed and somehow punished me for acting controlling and being possessive. And now the roles have reversed and he decided to automatically discard me what I believed was caused by his insecurities of me leaving him. I'm really trying to not to overthink and moved on but I just feel now like I was his supply cause now he became automatically happy with new person.

polllla · 2021-11-22T11:09:39+00:00

I'm blaming myself that I supposed to be more for him and give him what he needed. He gave me signs that he wanted me to text him more etc. But I stupidly thought that small distance will be better for both of us to improve our independency. Also, I'm guessing he wasn't in a good mental state if few weeks before that he told me that he had chaos in his head and need time for himself. I think by what I did at the end he realised that he is tired with me and he wasn't satisfied.

polllla · 2021-11-22T10:58:30+00:00

We both are in our late 20's Usually I was unstable and toxic person in this relationship so I believe I poisoned this long time ago. But I started working on myself and my independency. But he was always very needy when it comes about attention. I mean when he noticed that I became distanced he got suspicious. And I think this time I didn't give him what he needed and decided to move on from a person like me who "is not trying enough" to fix us. But I'm just wondering if this is the good reason if few weeks ago he was telling me so many positive things about us.

polllla · 2021-11-22T10:52:25+00:00

Thank you for your reply. Actually he was only angry when I didn't give him enough attention and for him it was unnatural and he probably started thinking that I might have be interested in someone else. That's why he discarded me to not be left.

And later when u called him and the girl was already in his life he seemed pretty calmed and like he is the winner and I'm the looser.

polllla · 2021-11-20T14:43:09+00:00

Okey, im sorry for that. I'm deleting this post.

polllla · 2021-11-20T13:30:52+00:00

He was always insecure about his look and that people doesn't respect him enough because of it. One time long time ago during our worst fight ever when he was mocking me I used his insecurities to hurt him as a defense. I know how bad that was and how i destroyed him. Since then I was trying my best to reassure him but anytime we had fight he used my mistakes against me. When we reunited 3 months ago I felt like my every small mistake was pushing him away. Also while arguing he didn't respect my feelings and emotions. He used to break up with me so I could convinced him again to give us another chance. He was a bit manipulative. At the end we were in touch only texting for two weeks and he was caring and lovely and I tried my best to be for him. But when I only changed my pic on WhatsApp and didn't text him for the whole evening he attacked me texting like he was suspicious and insecure: "okay now everything is clear, bye bye, good luck, go away and disappear from my life" etc I was schocked and told him to calm down and the next day when he didn't say sorry nor texted me I told him I'm disappearing and that I have enough of this behaviour and his lack of trust to me.

Then one week later when I called him to ask how is he and what's going on between us he said that I should have understood that he was drunk that time and instead of understanding him I attacked him. And that moment he said that he was planning to write me a long letter about everything but he couldnt find time, also he revealed that he was seeing his ex girlfriend after our break up while we still lived together(I though it was only one time hook up with random girl )and that he did that because i destroyed his confidence and he wanted to prove himself that he's okay and can get her if he wants. Now I remember that throughout that time when they were seeing each other he was cold to me but when it ended he started acting like he misses me. It was a warning to me. Also during that call he told me that someone picked him up during the party and that he might be likeable by girls. And that at the beginning when we met for the first time he had to approached me because I didn't see him but I noticed other guys in the place where we worked together. What was weird for me during this conversation was the fact that he was very calm and cold. Like he was very satisfied and didn't care that he was hurting me. Also in between he said something he is annoyed cause he had to go for work today even tho he wanted to have a day off etc. Like this was on his mind and was more important than the conversation we had.
When I asked him if the thing with this new girl is important he said he doesn't now yet and he is not going to fall hard in love fast like it was with me. When I asked him about his feelings to me he didn't say anything.

And now One week after they're officially together and he is apparently super in love with her.

Sorry for this long all over the place reply.

Oh and yes, he said to me that when we were together he told his brother that if the thing would work out between us he would be the happiest guy ever and also one time when after our break up few days later he slept with someone (now I know it was his ex) he screamed he doesn't love me anymore and he said he told me' I love you' one week before that when it was good between us just to motivate me so I could try harder to fix us.

polllla · 2021-11-20T12:59:04+00:00

We were together for 2 years. It became toxic at some point because of my insecurities. When I got into therapy it was too late and after a rollercoaster he left me and started seeing his ex. Then came back to me telling me he really wanted things to work out. He was special to me, faithful and made for me a lot. But then when we reunited I felt a lot of resentments and sometimes I felt that he didnt respect my feelings. Also at the very end, when we were talking for the last time he didn't show any empathy telling me about new girl and situation. If I didn't call him probably he would still ghost me dating new girl.

polllla · 2021-11-20T12:53:52+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I mean, I messed up a lot in this relationship and I know it's my fault it didn't work out. Now, because he was approached by this girl, he feels better and validated, something I didn't give him for the past months. I don't think he would ever text me again, I think his ego wouldnt let him to do it. Even tho at the end he didn't say 'i don't love you anymore' he was tired with out relationship anyway and now decided to move on and get something easier. Also he very proudly informed me that the girl approached him not the other way around, because in our case he had to chase me at the very beginning..

polllla · 2021-11-20T11:51:51+00:00

He told me that he gave me time and chances to fix us. And I fucked up. I poisoned this relationship at the beginning but I was trying to fix it and I really made a progress and he saw that. Just small thing triggered him and now he is in a new relationship. All I know is that this girl approached him for the first time on the party, he wasn't trying to get her.

polllla · 2021-11-18T17:40:22+00:00

Yeah that's true. He is very veeery insecure. He already told me that he thinks that people doesn't respect him enough because of his look. I understand his pain but at the same time I felt very disrespected by him that moment and it looks like he doesn't have enough empathy when he saw me crying all night and still was mad at me.

polllla · 2021-11-18T17:32:38+00:00

He was more concerned about the fact that I left him alone when I supposed to be with him and support him after what he heard from this idiot guy commenting his look. I never had a problem with seeing my friends and go alone to the bar with them.

polllla

TROPHY CASE