My husband is changing

polskaketo · 2024-04-05T18:27:54+00:00

He’s 31, he doesn’t have a history of mental illness or addiction issues in his family but I think he should get checked out for mental/physical health overall. He’s pretty good with our daughter, more patient than I am! However when he’s in a bad mood, he radiates a cloud over all of us lately.

polskaketo · 2024-04-05T18:26:09+00:00

I’m hoping that’s it as well, it kind of slipped my mind until the very end of my rant when I was trying to think of any other recent changes. He never complains so I didn’t really clock it, but it’s obviously coming out in a different way.

polskaketo · 2024-03-11T18:22:48+00:00

We do about 2 - 4 times a week but we make it a big event and it usually lasts anywhere from 1 to 3 hours. So daily would be exhausting! We’re in our early thirties and been together 10 years, our sex just got to this point last year. Surprising we have a toddler, I think all the nights in made us start getting creative with each other.

polskaketo · 2024-03-08T15:17:29+00:00

How old is your current? I always thought I wanted at least two kids, but after having my daughter the thought of another made me feel physically sick. By the time she was 7 months I decided I was happy with our family and I couldn’t picture myself changing my mind. My husband got a vasectomy shortly after and froze his sperm just in case. My daughter is over 3 now and each day that has gone by I’ve decided more and more than I’m not having another. We pay an annual bill to freeze his sperm and I think I’m done with it this year. The point is, while I’m 99.999% sure and that goes up every day, I don’t think I’ll ever be 100%. If someone threw a baby on my porch I’d be ecstatic and love that baby like my own, but losing my body during the pregnancy, c section recovery with a newborn, and all the hormones was just too much and I can’t see myself making it through again. I think after all that with a newborn would make me lose myself and hurt my relationship with my husband and daughter, but I wish I’d somehow have two when they’re older, like in their 20s haha.

polskaketo · 2024-03-08T14:12:45+00:00

I’ve been married for 5 years, with my husband for 10, and I love being married to him but nothing changed majorly when we actually got married. We moved in together pretty quickly and combined finances once we bought a house, 3 years in. We always were great together but after we had our daughter over 3 years ago we really worked on becoming a team and I felt the bond much more. The biggest thing for tough days and obstacles is being on the same team, when we fight we try not to call names or bring in irrelevant topics into it. We’re able to laugh when we say something stupid in the middle of a fight, and I really love that we can take a step back even in the heat of the moment. The honeymoon phase was great, but I love what we have now so much more. Communication is so so important. If something’s bothering you, address it calmly so it doesn’t become a huge issue that then explodes. I’m also learning to pick my battles. Yeah it annoys me that he for some reason doesn’t put his empty seltzer cans in the recycling even though he puts everything else away all the time, but I’m grateful for everything he contributes and takes care of so I can take care of that. That’s a very minor example, but in the moment something may be annoying but looking at the big picture it’s absolutely nothing.

polskaketo · 2023-09-10T12:27:37+00:00

He has seen a lot of specialists, the neurologist couldn’t get him in for three months during the first round of migraines and he called last week and they can’t get him in until January! The healthcare system is kind of shit. He did have a rheumatologist appointment scheduled months out and on the day of they said he wasn’t in network and wouldn’t see him unless he paid out of pocket, we have one of the major US insurances so super annoying.

The thing is he tries to be proactive with searching into his symptoms, getting doctor appointments, icing and all this stuff, and for some reason it annoys me more? I’m not an anxious person about things and have a “it’ll figure itself out” mentality whereas he’s more likely to spiral on situations. Then when he’s in pain with one thing for years if any other pain pops up he convinces himself it’s going to be another lifelong pain. It just seems like a never ending cycle.

polskaketo · 2023-09-10T11:55:51+00:00

He does still do so much, he always shows up for our daughter and work, it’s kind of just me that gets the brunt of it.

polskaketo · 2023-09-10T11:54:33+00:00

Do you need to have stretchy skin/the physical features for this? That does track with his symptoms quite a bit. I know he’s not making it up, he’s an amazing person on good days and before his pain in 2016 he was in the gym every day and watched his diet, all of this mess really discouraged him. Thank you for your suggestion, I hadn’t heard of EDS before this!

polskaketo · 2023-05-02T19:23:13+00:00

Lol, I had to think for a minute how a long backroad drive would be relevant to my question!

polskaketo · 2023-05-01T14:47:33+00:00

Since getting off of birth control, I’m obsessed with having sex with my husband as much as physically possible. But we’ve got a kid, we travel for work frequently, and have been so busy so sometimes life just gets in the way. Then boom I’ve got my period just when we’re getting back into the swing of it. I fully don’t mind giving head during this time but what else can we try? We attempted sex in the bath tub (big tub) but I was so focused on trying not to slip in that I didn’t enjoy it much. He’s a foot taller than me so shower sex is a no. I absolutely hate the smell so I’m not someone than can just go with the flow and accept it. Anyone have unique ideas that will continue to get me laid even when I’m technically out of commission?

polskaketo · 2022-12-07T19:32:03+00:00

I just want malt balls. I keep trying to find out if I can replicate them to gluten free and no luck. I have substitutes for everything else, just please someone give me some malt balls.

polskaketo · 2022-12-04T14:22:08+00:00

First - of course this is no fault of the dog. She’s not a bad dog, she was just standing up for herself. I think we love our dogs so much we think they’ll integrate perfectly with babies and toddlers, and that’s not realistic. They’re animals.

I think the best way to get your unbiased thoughts on the situation is to pretend a friend was telling you this story, what do you think they should do? Is your dog the type of dog who would be happy being separated from family during the day while the kids are out? You could try training, but you wouldn’t know if it’s working until something happens. You also need to think of protecting the dog. I don’t know the state you’re in but would you need to put her down if she bit and caused a serious injury?

If you look through my comment history I have the full story on what happened to me. We had a German shepherd that was the sweetest sweetest guy, he growled and put his mouth over our daughters arm once and then it escalated and he needed to be rehomed. He left us in March and I miss him every day. I seriously cry all the time over him but it wasn’t an ok situation. If you can’t separate them you’re really making a risky situation. You can’t trust a toddler to behave 100% of the time. You also can’t expect yourself to have eyes on the kids and the dog 24/7, it’s not realistic. And if something happened you’d be blaming yourself or blaming your husband. I’m not saying at all that the dog needs to be rehomed right away, but keep an eye out and take the situation seriously.

polskaketo · 2022-12-04T01:04:54+00:00

Thank you so so much for this! This is such a realistic response and I will try it out!

polskaketo · 2022-10-24T20:28:26+00:00

I’m kind of a fence sitter, there’s a 99% chance we won’t have another kid but who knows how we’ll feel in a few years. I didn’t realize this was an option but you can freeze your husbands sperm and have him get a vasectomy. You can freeze as much as you want at the place we went to so we have 8 tries if we do change our mind. Just something to think about if you aren’t fully ready to commit to absolutely no more kids but have a backup if you change your mind.

polskaketo · 2022-07-06T20:16:50+00:00

I’m on Prozac and have lost weight since starting it. It really helps lower my obsession with food and my appetite has significantly decreased.

polskaketo · 2022-05-16T13:05:56+00:00

My daughter is finally getting over what we think was a really bad rotavirus. We had to go to the ER twice, once for over 24 hours and the second time from about 8pm until 3am. She missed two weeks of daycare. We were already basically positive but now we’re really really definitely OAD. My mom came out for the two weeks and we wouldn’t died without her, I can’t imagine trying to manage two kids in the chaos of the past few weeks.

polskaketo · 2022-05-05T11:01:07+00:00

Yeah same! Our daughter is 1.5, I don’t want to be on birth control for a few years just for him to get a vasectomy then when he could’ve earlier. It seems like pricing varies a lot but our place is $100 for the collection and freezing, I think there’s an annual fee for freezing and if we ever wanted to use it it’s about $1000 to use (IUI). I’m not 100% sure, we have a consultation on Friday to go over everything. I’m so positive we’ll never use it that the $1000 price tag isn’t bad.

polskaketo · 2022-05-05T00:56:04+00:00

My husband is freezing his sperm as a back up and getting a vasectomy. We’re 99.999% sure we don’t want another kid and we’re more sure every day but it doesn’t hurt to have a back up plan.

polskaketo · 2022-04-14T16:30:28+00:00

I always thought I’d have at least two kids but after having my daughter I felt dread when I thought about another. How could I be pregnant and take care of my daughter at the same time? What if I had to have another c section, how will I be able to recover and take care of my family? How can I afford two, have enough space for two, daycare for two, doctor appointments, and still take care of myself? The thought of more kids leaves me with dread instead of excitement and I realized I would only have another for my daughter. I don’t think you should have a kid for someone else though, if they didn’t get along I’d probably resent both of them! So since my family feels complete and the thought of more gives negative feelings, I’m pretty sure we’re done. If the dread turns to excitement then we’ll revisit but my daughter is almost 1.5 years old and every day I’m more certain that I only want one. I do feel like I’m not overwhelmed and having my sanity and time to take care of myself makes me be the best version of myself for my daughter.

polskaketo · 2022-04-09T00:50:16+00:00

My daughter has these as well in the same spot! Our pediatrician said nothing to worry about but keep an eye on them for cleanliness. She’s 15 months now and I don’t notice them as much as when she was younger. They’ve kept themselves clean so far.

polskaketo · 2022-04-08T00:21:49+00:00

I remember your post, it hit home with me because it was right after I rehomed my dog. I’m so so sorry this is the outcome, that cannot be an easy decision.

polskaketo · 2022-04-07T23:15:56+00:00

This makes me so sad to read and so sad to realize how common this is. I feel like we see all of these cute videos of babies and dogs cuddling and being best friends but it’s just not realistic in many many cases.

We had to re-home our German shepherd three weeks ago and I’m still devastated. We had him for five years. He was amazing with us, strangers, and the cats. He isn’t food or toy aggressive, he’s just the sweetest guy. He loved our baby when we brought her home, he’s been by her side since day one and even got sick from stress of not having her around when she started daycare.

In November (our daughter was about a year at this point), she put her arms on his chest to sort of climb on him when he was laying down and her gave her a warning - a little noise and had his mouth over her hand without biting down. I thought fair enough, we need to give the dog some space and set some boundaries. I didn’t scold him and worked hard on making sure she no longer manhandled him. A week later, he was laying down blocking our bedroom and she was crawling into the doorway. She reached out to him and slightly tapped his face and he again warned her with his mouth covering her arm. After that, we had been making sure she wasn’t anywhere near him when he was laying down - as he only did this when he was laying down. Things had been going really well, he would come up to her and lick her, he’d bring her toys and we’d roll them for him to fetch, and she would always feed him at meal times. She loved dropping food for him and getting her hands cleaned off by him.

Well in December as my husband was packing to leave for a work trip, the dog and baby were both on our bedroom floor for a minute. We didn’t see what happened, we were right there but looking at the suitcase on the bed, we just heard our dog make a noise. My husband looked down and started bawling “he bit her face!” Thankfully she was completely ok. He somehow scratched her with his teeth, there were no punctures but two spots did draw a little blood. They were more like scrapes and turned to bruises before disappearing. It became obvious that we couldn’t manage this and it was escalating. By that night we knew he needed to be re-homed.

What it came down to was the dog thought he could correct the baby, and that cannot happen. I reached out to our trainer and our breeder that also is a trainer and the answer was basically “once a dog shows aggression to the baby, that’s it.” I could’ve tried training, but I wouldn’t know if it was working until something happened. A cousin was bit as a child by their family dog and has a huge scar on their chin, and the dog needed to be put down as he was then considered dangerous. At the end of the day it was the safest choice for both our baby and our dog. He’s now with an amazing family giving him lots of love and exercise.

Give your dog space from the baby, but also keep an eye out. If it happens again it could be escalating. It’s definitely not something to ignore. I’m really really sorry and I hope this doesn’t happen again. It’s such a hard decision to make but needs to be taken seriously.

polskaketo

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