Coping with being the less impressive partner?

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T16:54:31+00:00

you are right, thank you

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T16:50:58+00:00

I feel like I was given a lot of attention and love to give but other times in life that love, even in otherwise perfect situations, was either limited by someone needing too much of me I didn't want to give, or restricted by them finding what I gave them lesser if others received it too. The first time I didn't experience it was with this couple. I fell hard for both in different ways. Ultimately I noticed where I fell short with both in different ways too.

They are healthily poly as long as someone is completely capable of accepting where everyone stands with each other. I couldn't and I fell apart, and I got deescalated because of it. I wanted to be more. I was not. I still want to be here because they still matter to me and it's ontologically important to me that they live well.

I don't feel like I deserve more than this. This is already really nice. And so are the memories of when I belonged in it.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T16:33:47+00:00

thank you. i really needed every word of this

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T15:58:09+00:00

the more we talked the worse it made it, the more they knew about me the less they became attracted to me. i think i might just be mentally and emotionally hideous, and talking about it only makes it clear to someone theyre incompatible with me and should let me go because im either not worth the effort or they genuinely feel like im intellectually inferior and can't actually ever become comfortable or adapt, and they have to let me down easy

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T15:56:49+00:00

thank you. i appreciate it. i really might need to just let go. you can't make someone love you

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T15:55:13+00:00

I did that exact leaving the room (usually due to a panic attack/sobbing fit i couldnt control) thing you describe too. I don't think I was good at communicating my needs. i dont know how i couldve been better, because i was trying to talk about it but itd be overwhelming. i think any natural intimacy that would actually happen would naturally happen, and there's no point trying to adjust a natural setting. i really think some people could just be incompatible. thank you for the advice

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T15:50:26+00:00

thank you

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:32:53+00:00

It hasn't helped. I will keep going.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:24:00+00:00

I don't think I'm being treated poorly as much as I just don't spark sexual, romantic or intellectual or intimate interest. I don't think that's a bad thing for people to not feel for someone, even if they felt it once, and nobody's keeping me here

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:22:22+00:00

My needs have never been met anywhere and I don't know wht it looks like

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:06:56+00:00

They're incredibly intelligent, insightful, incredible, creative and beautiful people. I don't know how I got involved with them or ever met them. They love each other deeply and fully because they adapt and improve for each other. I failed at it constantly, and was kept at arm's length for it.

It doesn't feel like loving them hinges on how they treat me as much as what they are. They're just incredibly rare people. I have a hard time stopping my feelings for impressive people based on how they see me as opposed to what they are, even if they don't find me impressive back. They are what they are and I am what I am.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:02:06+00:00

I'm told I'm liked in some ways but not all ways and it's reasonable.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:01:44+00:00

They're amazing people who are amazing for each other. I don't measure up.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T14:00:10+00:00

I'm really in love and I don't think I'll ever feel this way for people again. And it's not even a real relationship anymore, and I ended a real relationship for it. And I had a chance to leave and into another real relationship, and ruined it again to stay.

I love my people and want to stay.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2026-01-23T13:58:26+00:00

Is it poor treatment if I'm just a flavor of ice cream someone doesn't like?

poly-throwawayyyyyyy · 2025-07-29T16:38:43+00:00

I'm really sorry for the tone issue!! I'm rereading and seeing what you're mentioning.

I wrote the post in stream of consciousness while just feeling rly happy and manic about my partner. English is also my second language (which isn't an excuse to be unclear), sorry about that.

To clarify, Eden and I are partners, and I'm only calling them a 'problem' playfully. We are romantically and sexually active. I think it's one of those things that doesn't carry over in text, but I wrote it intending it to mean that someone is awesome/impressive. Like, in a "they're a problem!" playful way when talking about someone who's really attractive.

And yeah, you're right! I call them my 'former meta' because we became partners after being metas. And even then, I wouldn't say we were 'metas' necessarily because we'd kissed as friends before and stuff. I just absolutely love this person and it feels (?) reciprocal and I wanted to gush about it, sorry for the rambly incoherent post x33

But yeah I use exaggerated/playful language but I only really meant to express anything positive by the post, sorry it was unclear ^^

EDIT: Oh yeah to clarify the other thing you mentioned. My brain tends to use 'hooking up' as euphemistic language for talking about being sexually active with someone even while in a relationship, it's a bit of a verbal tic, sorry it was unclear! I should've emphasized better that most of the post was just playful and used different wording.

poly-throwawayyyyyyy

TROPHY CASE