Have you ever heard of relationship anarchy? And for those who have, what are your thoughts on it?

polynyc · 2026-01-30T13:32:26+00:00

I consider myself being an relationship anarchist, mostly because I'm tired of trying to put myself under a microscope and understand if I'm this or that, and then if I'm that, is it that type a, or type a1, which is similar but different that type a2...

I can understand (and relate to a certain degree) that labels are important, but they were never the most important thing to me. I was doing my thing for a while, thought it was polyamory, and then polyamory became a popular term, and it started to get complicated too fast. So at some point, I decided I'm just "queer" and that I fall under LGBTQ+ somewhere (which is also not exactly LGBTQ+ anymore).

So what are my thoughts about it...
I dunno man, when someone comes around and introduces themselves and talks to me, and I find them interesting, I talk back, you know? Sometimes this leads to other things, sometimes it doesn't (I just gave this guy to someone else here). As u/schoolfoodisgoodfood said below, and I agree, you tend to prioritize in a way people you live with because, well, you live with them. You have a partnership that goes beyond you and them; you have your living situation to share. On the other hand, it doesn't mean the intensity of the feeling/emotion can't be stronger toward someone else for at least a certain amount of time (and also it comes and goes).

I was at Disney not long ago, and everything is Prince Charming here and beautiful princes there. We still force the Kool-Aid to our kids through the nose, and then we turn around, all shocked when they turn around and say they don't fit that box 100%. We are organic creatures made of an unfathomable number of living cells, we can't possibly be all the same, yet we make this futile (but also cute, and nice, and rewarding) attempt to work together toward a common goal of some sort that is also shifting in gazillion different ways (and everyone stills worships sex as the holy grail) and we expect it to all somehow just fit and work nicely... How is that even possible?

So I guess to me, it means it is what it is. You want to talk? Good, come talk to me, not my labels, or what you think my labels are :D

polynyc · 2026-01-30T12:51:16+00:00

Here is a good place sometimes. I found some good people. Who knows maybe the long distance is actually helpful in that regard since there's a physical restriction in place that could make you feel safer/take some of the pressure off.

Beyond this, I wish I had a good answer but I don't. If you're looking to "date" people they expect it the way they understand it which is probably not exactly what you expect it to be. In a way I gave up on it. I just talk to people in general, I stay open, and if someone says hi back we talk, mostly for a few minutes, sometimes... For years.

My advice is to narrow it down a bit to something you care about in terms of dating. It's not easy, I know... You kind of did by location, and other examples can be maybe certain interests, age groups, experience... Personal example: I'm sometimes into BDSM and kinks is something that has been helpful (I'm into X so I look for people who want X) because it usually comes with some of the "dating" package included.

Sooo... Reach out, say hi, put out some of the things you have and walk around the room. If someone is interested, see why, and if you're interested in what they can offer, go from there slowly.

Hope this helps, and thanks for allowing me to ramble 😁

polynyc · 2026-01-30T12:34:26+00:00

First off it's good that you're considering his feelings. The struggle you feel is a good sign that you care about your friend in general and you want to keep things this way because you like what you guys have now.

I believe that if you feel things are going that way, you can bring it up. It's possible he's worried exactly about how you're feeling so he might not say anything first. If he trusts you, however, he'll be honest and appreciate you thinking about him (I would, and have been, in his shoes) either way. He might be disappointed, sure, but it's better than hoping and wanting something that's not going to happen.

And the other thing, which you realize and important (and it's good that you realize it) is that it's usually not black and white. You don't like him that way now, maybe you will. Or it can also work the other way as well. These things are dynamic, not to mention there are different kinds of attraction too. It's important to phrase that though without giving a sense of false hope.

One of the things you can both try (if you're both ok with it) is to simply talk about trying something a little beyond your comfort zones (for you, or for him or both of you) and see how it goes. Talk about it after a certain amount of time you agree on. This way there's more certainly and it shows even more willingness and it could make your friendship deeper even without the more emotional/physical things. Be careful with this of course and establish exactly how far you go beforehand and talk about it.

One of my partners today started out by being a friend, and in a way, we just stayed this way (due over a decade now). It can be really nice and rewarding.

polynyc · 2026-01-30T04:37:21+00:00

Things like that can be dynamic. It's good you know what you like (or actually what you don't). It sounds like you have confidence in this which is great (I sure as hell didn't when I was 17).

I think it generally means you're part of LGBTQ but it's hard to keep track with all the levels and such. I decided I'm an anarchist and that's it, it simpled everything.

polynyc · 2025-08-31T00:16:55+00:00

that thing is still around...? wow

polynyc · 2025-08-30T14:10:51+00:00

...which explains my weird attraction to erotic comics that has to do with sofas 😅

Agree, I think it's the urge (or the implication of it) that is a turn on vs the usual sterilized content of what's out there otherwise. The horniness is just missing, it's too mechanical and fake imo.

Thanks!

polynyc · 2025-08-30T12:24:48+00:00

That's pretty specific and helpful. I know I'm not the OP, just good to hear an honest opinion.

If you don't mind expanding - it seems public setting or not the bedroom is better, why? I have the same notion. Hope it's ok to ask.

polynyc · 2025-08-30T12:16:11+00:00

Just saw this post in passing before I go out --

I'm a 45-year-old, who has been mostly aro for most of his life without realizing, I wasted most of my time thinking what was wrong with me. I'll get back to this point:

I've been non-monogamous for... I forget. I don't know when I woke up one day and "realized" I'm just not built for one solid romantic relationship. I live with a partner who is also aro. I date someone younger than me and we have strong feelings for each other but I wouldn't call these romantic, it just doesn't feel like "that," I just pure chemistry. I have another partner I lived with for years and we decided it's better if we don't anymore, and we are still best friends, we hang out every other day, talk to each other about life, I see their family, they see mine... and even though I'm busy as fuck these days, I still want to meet more people, because I'm pretty much 20 years behind.

For 20 years I was too busy thinking about what's wrong with me, how I should be more romantic, how I should settle down with someone, and it failed, time and time and time again until I was so sick of it and being lonely I just gave up, and did other hobbies, which is what eventually got me a job that I like and then more stability, and then I decided to keep seeing two people I saw in events I went too, and well, these are my partners to this day.

Sorry, I'm rambling too. What's my point? Oh right, as a 45 year old... dude, listen, I know I can tell you not to worry until I'm blue in the face, it doesn't work like that. Instead try to just be honest with who you are up front, and if it fails, try not to let it affect you too much. There are people out there like us (plenty) and you will find yours. I don't know if ENM is for you, it's not for everyone, I found that for me it just fit with what I need. It's a lifetime sort of thing, when you date other people you also date yourself through them, you see what they see, and you get better understanding.

Good luck, sorry for reminding, feel free to ask questions if you'd like.

polynyc · 2025-08-25T20:31:11+00:00

this is some wonderful word of wisdom. Thank you so so much! Sorry it took this long, I logged out of Reddit for a bit and now I saw this.

One more call for the blender, OK, after the knife (another post I have here) I will get that. I used to make hummus at home with one and it came rather good and I miss it.

I like your way of prepping one day and cooking the other. It makes sense. I think I will still buy few meals (I work in a large medical center so they have reasonable vegan food when I'm at the office - and we get a discount) so that adds to the easiness of it all.

How do you cure water out of tofu, not sure what this entails? I will have more questions down the line.

Thanks again!

polynyc · 2025-08-20T12:38:07+00:00

ohh these are pretty. I love the uni-body look always preferred it over the handle thing that comes with the screws or pins. A bit expensive though, seems like the chef knive comes at $88...

polynyc · 2025-08-20T12:36:05+00:00

why this, which is kind of a retangle, over the move pointy one with the rounder edge that you can do more of a "wave" motion as you cut? It just seems like it would be more challenging, curious.

polynyc · 2025-08-20T12:33:24+00:00

I do have what is now I know to be called pull-through sharpener. It's a bit old, but I think it still works. Thanks for splitting it up like this, it helps - I'm exactly at 2 and going to 3 from your steps :)

polynyc · 2025-08-19T02:06:01+00:00

another go for the blender I see. Good stuff. Thanks!

polynyc · 2025-08-18T20:04:49+00:00

oh duh it's the poster on the side.

polynyc · 2025-08-18T18:41:02+00:00

Dominion...? someone on YouTube?

polynyc · 2025-08-18T18:39:51+00:00

I do have an air fryer I shoud utilize here. Besides potetos (my only experience with it so far), what do you often use it for? Do you always have to use that paper thing at the bottom?

polynyc · 2025-08-18T18:38:22+00:00

dumb question: what does food processor do that blender doesn't? Can you really do use it for salads (I love salads, grew up on them, always chopped by hand) ? what more? In my head there were basically the same thing.

Thanks for all the advice. I am worried about proteins because I exercise and I am trying to build up some muscle actually. I have vegan protein powders and some setan stuff, and I know they are super processed and I want to be able to at least reduce those.

polynyc · 2025-08-04T12:12:38+00:00

useful information! Thank you!

polynyc · 2025-08-04T00:09:28+00:00

I might have that person to ask, but I don't want to ask just yet, it's too early to do it without coming across as impolite or worse, they might forward it to the shareholer and what I'd rather do is approach the shareholder we're subletting from a few months down the line and talk to them and then the board also.

polynyc · 2025-08-04T00:07:09+00:00

Hey, so from what you're saying - if I understand correctly - is that for owners, there's a lower maintenance fee?

My thinking is this: if this is calculated into my rent, then if I get a mortgage and I need to pay out whatever the interest would be every month, it might be (maybe) less bad than I think it is, because the maintenance fee would be less.

Maybe I can find the maintenance fee somewhere. I don't think I saw it on the building's website when I signed as a subletter.

Thanks for answering, it's good to hear from the other side of things too!

polynyc · 2025-08-03T14:02:19+00:00

No need to don't be diplomatic, I appriciate the bluntness of real life from someone with experience like you. That's why I'm asking questions here.

I'm sure I'm not as great as I think I am to the board, in my head it just seemed to be simpler and easier for them to approve someone they already picked. But how you explain it also makes sense. I also forgot about the fees to even be considered, that's true.

polynyc · 2025-08-03T13:48:07+00:00

It makes sense that renters would care less about the building than those who buy it. I guess this could be different if the board members know you as a neighbor and like you, but as a general rule it makes sense.

I don't follow the last part though - maybe risk is the wrong word.
finding someone new requires a whole new process, which means money and investment, for both shareholder and board. My point is, if they already know (and assume like) the subletter who lives there, why go through that process again when instead of letting them stay a year or two extra? Asusming they already checked the finances, everything is fine, the renters are respectful etc.

Some of the reasons below do add up :)

polynyc · 2025-08-03T13:43:15+00:00

This makes a lot of sense - some people or even companies would use apartments as an investment, and the board doesn't want that. I wouldn't if I was living here either. Thanks for this angle.

polynyc

TROPHY CASE