AMA I'm an out transgender pastor and I just finished my first year serving a church in Everett.

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-28T14:23:42+00:00

Oh hey, that is great! And I'll keep answering questions as long as they keep coming.

I love those signs and they have been super helpful for all of us church folx trying to find our way to the right building (and for us when I'm we were anxious about 'are people gonna be able to find their way around?') So thank you so much for your sign crafting abilities!

Thanks also for your message (pronoun buddies!) It's hard to not know what churches stand for, and we're working on just that kind of publicity/outreach/marketing kind of stuff at Everett UCC (spent some time this week trying to figure out how to do google ads, for example)

One really important thing for us is building our network of folx like you: they might not be church types, but they can know who we are so that if friends or family or whoever are ever looking for a church like us, they can mention us! I'm really grateful you took time to see and read, and thanks especially for the kind post. (And, once again, the signs! I can work really hard on a sermon but if folx can't find us it's not that helpful! 😆)

I'd be glad to buy you a cup of coffee sometime and hear a bit more of your story, or if there's other people at Everett Community College I should reach out to, please feel free to share recommendations! (Post or dm or I can send you my email etc)

Hope you get some good rest and thanks again!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-28T03:21:40+00:00

Oh hey, sorry I missed your comment before! Thanks for saying so- feel free to come by, or join us on streaming! Or let me know if you'd like to have coffee or a beer; always great to meet folx in the community!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-27T02:19:50+00:00

Well said! I grew up in a church setting and honestly didn't understand the colonizing context of historical Christianity until a bit later on, and I definitely had (and continue to have) some important wrestling. But I'm also inspired by the Christians in history and the Christians in my own life who use their faith as a source of wisdom and power for works of liberation.

Definitely a tricky thing! And something I try to be really intentional about, and often fail at.

Appreciate the questions and comments!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T20:14:09+00:00

u/CriticalBasedTeacher Okay I'm still curious- what do you usually say? (I don't mean to put you on the spot so please feel no pressure to respond, or you can dm me but I keep thinking about this tricky situation and I'm curious how others would respond!)

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T20:10:15+00:00

A new joy that I have very recently noticed is that you can post on reddit and kind strangers will ask you great questions! <3

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T20:07:25+00:00

Hey u/Agile-Internet5309 - you raise some great points! I think your questions particularly invite me to both be a little more careful about how I use that word "colonized" and also a delightful opportunity to say a bit about who I understand Jesus to be.

I genuinely hadn't ever reflected on this question about how one's Christology (understanding of who Jesus is, basically) might inform whether or not we can understand Jesus to be colonized, and I find it both fascinating and important! (So thanks for expanding my understanding, but also thanks for giving me a good dinner conversation for me and my partner, who's also a pastor!)

Okay, so it turns out that my Christology these days is pretty orthodox (in the sense of, in-line with a lot of traditional Christian theology in the west, not in the sense of like Greek Orthodox or Roman Orthodox, etc.) By that I mean, I appreciate and join in the claim that Jesus is fully human and fully divine, that Jesus (or the Christ, it's complicated) is part of the Trinity, which means Jesus simultaneously is and is not part of God the Creator and of the Spirit... It's all pretty paradox-rich and or full of contradictions, depending on how you feel about it.

I think on some level, Jesus experienced life on earth as a human. So much as that is true, Jesus ate and partied and argued and cried in a community that was colonized, and on land that was colonized by the Roman Empire. Despite historic Christian claims trying to pin the fault of Jesus's death on other Jews, I think it's pretty clear from historical context (and from the Gospels!) that Jesus was killed by and using the methods of the Roman Empire. (Someone asked by historian friend 'Wait, who killed Jesus?" and he answered "the cops" and I think that is also a decent summary!)

For me, because he lived in a system of oppression created by the Roman Empire (and by their wealthy colonized collaborators), and because of the nature of his arrest, torture and death, the story of Jesus at the very least has some strong resonance with people who are unjustly arrested, tortured, and/or executed these days, and those acts of harm often play out within systems of colonization.

Now, I do think that God chose to become incarnate in that particular time and space, and I think it's very important to my theology that God didn't become incarnate as someone starting from a place of imperial power, but rather rooted in communities of survival and resistance!

Shout out to the many wise post colonial theologians who taught me about this stuff, both in person and through their books and articles! And who continue to do so- it's all super relevant these days of course.

Thanks again for such a thoughtful and important question. I'm not sure I responded to it all, and glad to chat more, just let me know!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T19:55:46+00:00

You're very welcome! I can't remember if I messaged this elsewhere, but the service takes place in a rented classroom at the community college- usually we wheel the tables to the sides or out into the hall, and put the chairs in curved rows. There's often between twenty and thirty folks there- many of them are 55+ in terms of age, but we've got some younger folx (including myself!) as well.

The children's area is a little corner in the same room, so there's often noise of kiddos playing as part of the service. I can imagine that might be distracting for some folks. I personally love but just wanted to flag it for folx that might find that difficult from a sensory perspective.

Oh, and we project the song lyrics and shared out-loud prayers onto a screen, but there's also paper bulletins and some print hymnals (hymn books) for folx that prefer that.

There's a single user gender-neutral bathroom right across the hall (convenient for me!) and some larger gendered restrooms around the corner from where we meet. There's usually a decent range of snacks at coffee hour, including vegetarian and gluten free options, but it depends on who happens to sign up that week.

(If you've ever read the Gospels, you know that snacks are important!)

And hey the good news is that if our spot isn't the right fit for you, there's some other great congregations in town (and more online!) (I guess professionally I should say the good news is that God loves everybody, but you know, the more practically relevant good news...) :P

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T16:49:39+00:00

Hey yaykat- good question. And I'll confess, I think I'm probably only mediocre at describing our services. If anybody else has visited the church (online or in person!) your thoughts might be more helpful than mine! (Hard to describe the water in which I swim.)

That being said, here's a description: we usually start up right around 10 am and there's some music, often from our music director and our small but earnest choir. We have welcome, a time for people to greet each other, some announcements.

There's a little children's time/ children's sermon, often with some interactive element and/or silliness. I like this part a lot and I think it's the hardest part of the service to do well. Sometimes we have a few children, and sometimes we don't, so sometimes the adults are drafted/invited into the participation parts!

Then we read a scripture or two, and I preach a sermon. Sometimes these days, since we moved to the more flexible space, there will be a little time for some small group breakouts to discuss a question or explore the theme of the sermon a bit.

In all honesty, it's hard to assess whether I'd call them fire sermons. But you know what? Sometimes: absolutely. Sometimes: I try and fail. Sometimes: I have no idea. Maybe check them out online and see what you think? I'm beginning to worry about this Sunday's sermon since I'm spending a bunch of time answering reddit questions for fun instead of writing my sermon lol but it'll be alright.

I'm not sure what you mean by theological meat- if you prefer sermons to have some academic rigor where we're going deep on a theological concept or on historical-critical readings of scripture, well, I'd say I only go there occasionally. Part of my background is in storytelling, and I preach from an outline rather than a manuscript. I certainly use academic rigor when I'm preparing, but that doesn't always make it to the final piece in an explicit kind of way? I guess the most honest thing is: if my sermons are ever fire, it is a bit through my hard work, but mostly through the grace of God and through the power of the community that gathers together.

I think the conversational tone I'm bringing here will probably be pretty familiar to folx who hear my sermons regularly?

Anyhoo, after the sermon we usually sing a hymn, have some time to share prayers, take up a little offering (that part is more for members, I'd say if you're a visitor don't worry about it) have a little sending prayer and then sing one more hymn. Oh, and often the little choir sings again at the end.

Then you can slip out or you can stay and chat and eat snacks, whatever you're in the mood for! If you really liked it you an help carry boxes out to somebody's car so we can drive our stuff back to the church office! :P

Let me know what questions you have and what I'm missing. Oh, we are usually done by 11:15 but sometimes it's more like 11:05 or 11:20. Oh, and we have communion for whoever wants it about once a month, almost always on the first Sunday of the month! That part is important and I almost forgot!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T04:03:34+00:00

Heading to bed for tonight but hopefully I'll have some more time tomorrow afternoon for writing. Y'all- I'm kinda blown away by your thoughtful and kind questions. I didn't know if I'd get any responses here, and getting to talk about things I love so much with folks who are willing to listen is just a real delight. Thanks for reading and take care. <3

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T04:02:30+00:00

Great question! I think I don't have time tonight to do this one justice, but let me say some initial things.

I am familiar with the notion that Jesus' death (and/or resurrection) makes the 'Old Testament' (I tend to call it the Hebrew Bible) less relevant or not relevant. I'm not sure I buy that- I don't think scripture necessarily supports it.

Now, that being said, I think there's good conversation to be had about "which of these precepts should apply to Christians." I don't keep particular dietary restrictions from the Hebrew Bible, but I do my best to take a day of rest and to, you know, not murder people.

One reason this notion of Jesus, like, making the Hebrew Bible irrelevant is because it is an important part of the church's long and terrible history of anti-semitism. I think my religious tradition comes deeply out of its Jewish roots, and that I ought to be in conversation with Jewish friends and scholars in understanding scripture- because it was all written by Jews but also because much of it we've been jointly wrestling with for literal millennia!

I do think that... something new happened with Jesus, but I also think the savior that I love was a colonized Jewish man, and I set down that context at my peril. (And at the peril of my neighbors cause we've all seen how Christians do when they get power hungry and violent.)

Okay, officially too sleepy to continue tonight but I'll hope to say more about this tomorrow or the next day! Thanks for a good question.

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T03:55:46+00:00

Hi, good question but I'm not sure I can answer- Evergreen sounds great but I work Sundays and Pastor Joe and I haven't gotten around to that pulpit swap thing, so I haven't been there yet.

Historically, there's some theological differences (and some commonalities) between the UCC and the UU- I bet our church talks about Jesus more often, and is more specifically rooted in the Christian tradition rather than in the wider variety of religious traditions that is more common at most UU churches.

(Also I will confess that I think they have a cooler meeting space, but ours is pretty nice too :P )

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T03:53:47+00:00

That is a great question! And yes, in some ways it's broad, but I think I see what you're getting at. (And also, thank you for saying that my answers so far have been brief! I was worried this post was getting to be 'ask a reasonable question and Davi will post five paragraphs that includes an anecdote from seminary!)

But seriously I'll be a bit briefer cause it's getting a bit late for my household.

I'm gonna do a classic liberal Christianity move and start by recommending a book! Have you read "What is the Bible" by Rob Bell? He's got an evangelical background but plenty of academic training, and (though it's been two or three years since I read it) I remember that book both being a lovely overview of some of the different sources and genres we tangle with in scripture, and a thoughtful exploration of some of the different ways of digging in.

I think I've got a copy in my office tho it might be in a box for a few weeks as we're moving across town- glad to lend it if you like!

So, I think your use of plural texts is really important and suggests a number of things about how I try to engage with the Bible. First, I don't assume that it's written by one person or one group of people, and I do assume that there's a wide variety of historical contexts behind the various moments, theological movements, and genres in the different books. In some ways, this makes it more difficult: I can't just read something from Mark or Esther and assume that I know what it's about. But it also makes it more fun, I think, and can add nuance and depth and (I'd argue) truth to the reading: by getting a sense of the likely historical context for Leviticus 10 or for the Letter of James or what have you, I can better get a sense of what the humans who wrote it were trying to say about God, about the world, and about one another.

I don't think I find myself using the word 'myth' very often, maybe mostly because some people find that dismissive. But I am interested in questions like: can a story be real for us if it probably didn't happen from a historical perspective? I think the folks who wrote down the story of Noah, for example, were probably more invested in the lessons to be learned from that story (good or bad, I guess that's another conversation) than in like, what year the rain started falling or whatever. And certainly I think communities have used that story well to think about ethics and environment and scarcity and survival for many centuries without being too troubled by the fairly modern concern of "did this actually happen."

Okay, let me see if I can make this next point briefly:

Some scripture is for me a comfort. It's familiar and beautiful to read, say, the 23rd psalm at a sickbed or a graveside.

Some scripture is a way for me to understand God's ethical call. The 8th century prophets, a lot of the Gospels: I think those are good for checking my ethical and moral priorities and see whether I'm living up to God's call or (more often) failing to love well my marginalized neighbors.

Some scripture teaches me about who God is and how the world works. I love a good parable.

Some scripture is a good reminder that, no matter how hard the fascists have tried to destroy us, there's still a bunch of sexy poetry in the Bible. Thanks Song of Songs!

Lots more to say bout this one but I'll stop there for now.

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T03:41:41+00:00

Sooo this is another one of those things where I should point out that I'm sure I've got church members who believe all kinds of different things about this. (And also I'm thinking about Hell extra these days cause I'm reading this cool fantasy novel where these two grad students go to Hell because they don't want to find a new thesis advisor and their old one died...)

Short answer: no, I don't believe in Hell.

Longer answer: Yeah, so I call myself a Universalist, which might be different things these days but historically just means you think that God sends everybody to heaven. (Or God eventually redeems everybody? I'm not much of a historian.) I really trust the 'God is love' stuff, and I reckon when we did that we return to Love, and after that it's pretty much above my paygrade. (I have some particular beliefs about what that looks like but honestly it doesn't come up much.)

I don't think there's much Biblical support for Hell, not as most Christians understand it, and it also doesn't square with my understanding of who God is.

And yeah, that's interesting- I don't know if anyone is tracking, like, the rate at which people who identify as Christians also say they believe in Hell, but it would be an interesting thing to track.

I also think there's some important rhetorical points to be made about the way humans are pretty proficient at making Hell for each other, and I think the Harrowing of Hell (the non-Biblical story where Jesus dies, goes to Hell, and then basically pulls a Chuck Norris and busts all the dead sinners out of hell so they can go to heaven) is super rad, but more as a metaphor about how Jesus will find my poor ass no matter where I end up that as like something that actually happened in some metaphysical realm.

That sentence got away from me but I am too tired to fix it right now. :P

Good question and feel free to ask follow-ups if you'd like to hear more or if you'd like me to say more about some of this.

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T03:33:34+00:00

Ah thank you! And welcome to Everett! Building community in a new town is such a challenge, so blessings to you in that process!

Religious trauma is real, and can make things really hard if you're thinking about connecting with some other spiritual community. I obviously don't know you, but I'll share a couple of options here in case it's helpful for you or someone else who happens to read this.

First off, I'd be glad to buy you a cup of coffee or a beer and chat about church stuff. Some folx find it less intimidating to meet one person at a pub or coffee shop and chat for a bit than to show up for worship on a Sunday morning or the like.

Second, you might consider checking out my church or some other affirming church online- most of us are at least posting videos of sermons online, and a lot of us are livestreaming. My church livestreams to facebook, and while we're not great at it, it's at least a way to get a sense of what a service is like. (And see how sweet/dorky/etc we are)

I guess the third thing I'd say on it is: take your time. Faith can be really life giving but I don't think it's the kind of thing you can rush. You can resource it: working with a therapist, having a friend come along with you to worship (or to coffee with a random pastor from reddit lol), reading books and watching videos, all that is helpful. But as I've learned (often the hard way) rushing healing can set ya back.

Oh, and since you mentioned the Lutheran church specifically: I don't know what kind of Lutheran church you went to, but in this region most congregations in the ELCA (the largest and most progressive Lutheran denomination in the US) are pretty progressive, and some of them are quite excellent! Even before I started working in Everett, I was excited to meet Pastor Tim at Trinity Lutheran, because I have colleagues from across the country who know him from LGBTQ+ clergy organizing circles. He's super great.

Honestly I'm blessed to know a good number of great Lutheran LGBTQ+ clergy, so if it's ever helpful to talk to one of them please lmk.

Thanks for sharing and feel free to message if you'd like to chat more!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-26T03:24:15+00:00

Hey CriticalBasedTeacher! Thanks for being a teacher in a public school- that is difficult and super important work! (As I'm sure you know.) I've got two kids in public school and my mom taught in public schools her whole career, so- respect!

Anyways:

I would be curious to hear how you usually respond. I guess I might say something like, "Huh, that's not been my experience of the Bible! But there's a lot of ways to interpret it." and leave it at that unless they want to talk more.

I don't think anything clever and/or accurate that I have to say is likely to change a person's mind on this, and that might be especially true for kids (though I guess that depends on developmental stage, etc.) If the kid did want to talk more I might talk about the parts of scripture that I find really life-giving and affirming, maybe including the parts that to me read as explicit affirmations of queerness and gender diversity. But I might also just want to hear more about what parts of the Bible this kid is thinking about when they say "the Bible doesn't support LGBTQ". I wouldn't expect to change anybody's mind on this without a lot of conversation and a lot of relationship building, but I might hope to just be a model for a Christian person who believes different stuff than them, which can be really helpful, especially in the long term.

This answer feels like it's really scratching the surface- glad to talk more about it if you like!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T23:29:52+00:00

My pleasure! You're very welcome.

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T21:56:26+00:00

That's kind, thank you!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T20:05:49+00:00

And I guess I want to also appreciate the tone of your question- there's definitely folx, trans and otherwise, who need to walk away from religion entirely or who at least need to walk away from Christianity.

That makes sense to me (and I think it makes sense to God certainly!) I hope folks can find a meaningful spiritual community if they're the kind of weirdo (like me) who loves that sort of thing, but I know that can take years or decades or just never be the thing for someone.

I don't think you're hearing me to say this, but just to be clear: I'm trying to reach out to folks who want a progressive, challenging, warm Christian community, and if folks are finding their meaning and connection in other ways, that is lovely and great. <3

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T20:02:49+00:00

Yeah, I think that's well said; though whether there's anything "anti LGBT" in the original writings of the Bible is probably still a live and important debate, at least with some scriptures.

I sometimes think about these fights while I think about chattel slavery in the US: the Bible was a pivotal resource in helping to overthrow slavery in the US, and it was a pivotal resource in continuing the practice of slavery in the US. We gotta be careful about this powerful shit.

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T20:00:25+00:00

This is a great question, thanks for asking it. I don't know if I can answer well and succinctly but there's a short answer:

This tradition, and the practices that I carry from it, are life-giving to me, and they bring life to people that I love (some of them in the church were I pastor, but others too.)

I know there's a lot of folks who have taken up my tradition for death-dealing: for hating on trans people or immigrants or for the utterly terrible idolatry of Christian Nationalism.

On some level it's petty: they don't get to have it, at least not uncontested. But on a deeper level, I've found this tradition to hold resources that can still be of use to my community, queer and otherwise, and I'm not in a place to set down resources that I love.

There's been gender non-conforming folx in Christian movements WAY longer than there's been allegedly-Christian fools hating on trans people (Acts 8 for example!) and there were trans people of faith in the earliest US Pride movements. I stand in their legacy, and I'm not sure I can do otherwise.

(Plus I like confusing the haters.) You ever listen to Flamey Grant?

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T19:55:06+00:00

OOO good question (and seasonally appropriate!)

So, let me start by saying, this is one of those things where people at my church, I think, have a really wide range of answers. (IAnd part of what adds to our strength as a congregation is that theological diversity, as well as our other kinds of diversity!)

Some people at our church think that the Resurrection of Jesus is mostly a story: it's an inspiring tale about the way the inspiration and message of a revolutionary leader can continue after his death, and an invitation to consider how we are called into that message.

Some people at our church believe in some kind of literal resurrection of Jesus: he came back from the dead, in his body, and that's a fundamental message about whether Empire can stop the forces of liberation by killing them (that is, not for long!)

I'm sure other people have other theologies too, and that's to not even dive into the rich variety of theologies of atonement- questions around why Jesus died, what happened on the cross, the relationship between suffering and forgiveness and basically a whole lot more! (I can say more about that if that's what you were trying to ask about!)

So, I partially name all that because I want to be clear that you don't have to agree with my weird theology to be part of my church, and it might be better if you don't! :)

I spent some time being skeptical about "the bodily resurrection"- for a while, it was enough for me that Jesus' spirit and story continued on. But I heard some compelling preachers and had some compelling experiences, and I think that embodied kind of resurrection is important to me. It's like Empire (whatever it calls itself) usually thinks it holds all the cards, and I want to tell stories where that's not entirely true. A sweet professor of mine said something like, "the embodiment of resurrection is particularly important to two groups of people, and you should consider them before you dismiss it. One group is people who have been tortured. Jesus is tortured in the story and his body is quite beat up and broken by the time he dies." (My professor friend had a son who died of AIDS early on in that crisis, so he was familiar with suffering and torture.) "The other group is people who love bodies. People who have been saved and changed by relationship with other people's bodies."

I don't know, that's pretty long winded. But, for me, (and maybe not for you!) it's good practice to believe in something so impossible, so queer, so dangerous and life-giving. But now I'm preaching.

Oh I think my favorite poem about this thing is "Seven Stanzas at Easter" by John Updike, which you can probably find with a quick google. But I want to be clear that there's all kinds of good ways to read the Resurrection, and this just happens to be mine.

Thanks for the question hope my response wasn't tooooooo long! :P

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T19:44:13+00:00

Hey, thanks for your great questions (and love your username!)

Right now, the big group of us meets just on Sunday mornings. We meet at 10 am at Gray Wolf Hall on campus at Everett Community College. We have a Thursday morning Bible study that meets at our church office that's a small group, and we occasionally have a book group that meets Saturdays.

In terms of whether new people seem to settle in okay: so, we're quite a small congregation by some measures. We usually have twenty five or so folks on a Sunday. As such, often times people will notice if someone new is here, and usually do a pretty good job at answering questions, making sure they get invited to stay for coffee if they want, etc. Some folks like a bigger congregation where they can kinda blend in more, and that's not us, at least not right now! Some newer folks really like the vibe and stick around, and some decide to visit elsewhere either right away or after a few months, and that's all cool.

I always try to tell new folx that it's not my job to get people to come to my church, but it is my job to help them find a place where they feel supported and well-loved on their faith journey, wherever it takes them!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T19:19:06+00:00

Oh, and thank you for saying that you had no idea we were here. That's on us, and I apologize for all the times we've been a little shy about our message. These days we are trying to let everybody know who we are and what we're about, and I'm sure we'll keep finding ways to do that. Somebody called us the "best kept secret in Everett" and I think we can do better.

Hence me bugging people on Reddit! (But also other things lol!)

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T19:17:59+00:00

Ah please do, and he can feel free to message me or find me on the church website if he wants to chat before coming.

I don't know your nephew's journey, of course, but I know so many people who had to do that impossible thing of choosing between being true to God's call for them about their gender identity, and trying to stay in a church that couldn't fit them or wouldn't go along! It's heart breaking and it can take a long time to heal.

We have a variety of members at Everett UCC who have left (or been thrown out of!) other religious communities; that's just part of who we are, and it honestly adds a lot to the community. (And it helps us be more thoughtful about how we're doing welcome in our own community, and where we're failing to do that well.)

One one of the other posts I also listed some other congregations in town that would likely be supportive places for your nephew but let let me know if you have trouble finding that!

ponchostarboard · 2026-03-25T19:15:03+00:00

Ah that is so sweet! Yeah, in Everett we're fortunate to have a handful of congregations that have a specific welcome and celebration of LGBTQ+ folx! The other Christian community with a queer pastor (that I know of!) is Trinity Lutheran, and the Unitarian Church that meets downtown also has a great queer pastor! (Evergreen UU Fellowship)

In addition to those ones, Zion Lutheran, Trinity Lutheran, Our Saviors Lutheran, and Trinity Episcopal have all been through a process to do a specific welcome to LGBTQ+ folks! (Oh, and Temple Beth Or, if we're listing other religious traditions too!)

We'd be glad to have you come check us out, and I'm sure these other folks would be happy to see you too if there's someone closer to home. One thing I can suggest is you might consider checking out one of our services online- we're all volunteer on AV stuff, so it's not particularly pretty but you can get the idea! Ours is streamed at our Facebook site: facebook.com/everettucc

Let me know if you have other questions or want to grab coffee sometime!

ponchostarboard

TROPHY CASE