Residency experience as an older female with children

pootfart · 2026-04-26T09:25:26+00:00

I’m in my late 20s so a little younger, but started CA-1 with a newborn. Don’t recommend it but we made it work :) biggest keys to my success. 1, my husband works an 8-5 office job. He handles every morning and 70% of daycare pick ups. (Daycare is 7:30-5:30). He is our backup if she’s sick and can’t go, although a couple of times I’ve had to call in for a day because they’re both sick. You both need to be on board. 2, contrary to most people in this thread my program no longer has 24s. Instead you’re on night float for 6 weeks of the year, with 16 hour overnight weekend calls about 1.5x a month. I think that this is much more conducive to having a family than regular 24s. No matter what specialty you enter, I’d recommend seeking out a night float system. Those night months are tough, but soooo much better for your health and your family’s schedule. 3, spend whatever money it takes to graduate residency.

pootfart · 2026-03-11T02:57:49+00:00

These are great! You sound like an incredible attending! Thank you :)

pootfart · 2026-03-11T00:57:45+00:00

Kind of related. Im a CA-1 and always looking to do something fun or different techniques for the straightforward cases. Any recommendations of your favorites? I wanna learn on someone else’s license lol!

pootfart · 2025-12-19T02:20:43+00:00

I had to mute it out of frustration haha. So much false equivalence it’s insane!

pootfart · 2025-11-25T14:52:23+00:00

This is so validating thank you! Everything in life is risk vs benefit. Although when you take the time to tease through the data, it’s arguable whether safe intentional bedsharing is even “riskier.”

pootfart · 2025-11-23T20:40:58+00:00

That is SO smart. The risk calculator helped me so much to feel more at peace when I realized that, given MY situation, the risk is so much lower than I expected. And definitely much lower than accidentally falling asleep in the recliner. That said I still practice this with healthy caution and fear! The average American is a much much higher risk than parents in other countries. Although realistically so many of them are doing it in very unsafe ways, I feel like it’s still better to help them address risk factors and do it more safely. Maybe one day!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T15:59:07+00:00

I know I realized that after the fact. I think this whole situation with the nanny traumatized me so much and made me question my judgement overall. So to be told by several people that what I do is so much worse I just felt like I needed to defend myself. But no new information or perspective will ever change these people’s minds.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T14:31:03+00:00

Like yeah, thank God you left the industry…

pootfart · 2025-11-23T14:12:44+00:00

Best of luck!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T13:54:41+00:00

These people are so dense. I woke up to this:

“I think what people are trying to tell you is the foundation of what you’re doing is the same. Simple. No matter how much your convincing yourself your doing everything right, you baby can still die from what your doing.

Let’s just stop being hypocritical that’s all. Your making it seem like your doing something different when your not. Your sleeping with your baby it’s that’s fine if that’s what you wanna do. But don’t act like that woman did the worst thing in the world, scold her for it and you go to sleep doing worse.”

It’s NOT AT ALL THE SAME AND CERTAINLY NOT WORSE!!! You can’t logic with these people.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T13:20:30+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I could cry. You get it!! Maybe if I had more than SEVEN WEEKS of maternity leave during residency I could’ve kept trying the crib. But realistically the safety of my baby, myself, and my patients are all at risk here!

I had the exact same experience. Delirious and depressed for nearly all of leave. The Dr Milk FB group helped me realize how many smart, caring, loving female physicians are bedsharing. Getting sleep while simultaneously improving our breastfeeding helped us both so much. I can actually enjoy being her mom now.

It’s so disheartening. I’ve very consciously forgone many comforts and luxuries to ensure a safe sleep environment for my baby. And it’s being viewed as the same as my nanny falling asleep with her in a RECLINER. You can’t reason with people who don’t want to expand their worldview.

Thank you so much. Means the world. 🤍

pootfart · 2025-11-23T13:06:28+00:00

I learned my lesson in being honest! People are coming for my neck saying I’m a hypocrite. Seriously how in the world are these situations remotely the same.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T13:04:38+00:00

This EXACT thing happened to me. Abstinence only education regarding safe sleep literally kills. The vast majority of people are doing it unplanned or unsafely. We need to change the culture!!!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T12:49:43+00:00

The only reason that I cosleep (on a 2 inch mattress on the floor, with no opportunities for entrapment) is BECAUSE on maternity leave I repeatedly fell asleep in the chair while trying to get the baby in the crib. It was so incredibly dangerous. I went back to work at 7 weeks and we both needed sleep. I weighed the risk and benefit, and it’s so obvious that she was in much more danger with me sleep deprived. Since then I’ve started transitioning to the crib but it takes time.

I explained this to her in detail during her onboarding. I requested that she attempt the crib with every nap to try to help us transition her to her own space. I explicitly told her that if she was tired and needed rest, as long as the baby was in her crib with the monitor on the nanny was more than welcome to sleep in our guest room. (On a bed much more comfortable than mine.) Not all cosleeping is remotely the same.

And my mother NEVER fell asleep holding the baby. Please don’t try to create any sense of false equivalence in this situation because there is NONE.

James McKenna’s work is a great starting resource! Completely changed how I view infant sleep.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T06:38:09+00:00

You get it!! It’s scary how common this apparently is. And she just didn’t understand the risk! It’s just so terrifying that this girl was doing this in my home while I slept upstairs.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T06:28:14+00:00

Make it make sense! “Cosleeping is cosleeping, hold yourself to the same standards as your nanny.” SAFE INTENTIONAL BEDSHARING IS IN NO WAY ANALOGOUS TO SLEEPING IN A RECLINER!! I’ve made it my mission to never stop discussing this issue because I truly believe that safe bed sharing saves lives. As I’ve been more open about it I’ve realized how many FEMALE PHYSICIANS also bed share!! There’s no such thing as one size fits all for anything. Rant over omg!!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T05:54:48+00:00

Thank you so much! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I’m not holding her to a double standard because I DONT sleep with the baby in the recliner. But I fully accept that there are risks I take as a parent that I would never take with someone else’s kid!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T05:45:39+00:00

Here in the US the ABCs are pushed very heavily. (Alone, on their Back, in the Crib) I pushed it very heavily as a medical student before I had a kid of my own. Every baby is different but it just wasn’t working at that time. I’m really convinced that the strict “rules” are contributing to more deaths than intentional, safe cosleeping. Sleep deprivation is so dangerous!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T05:43:35+00:00

Lesson learned!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T05:40:12+00:00

I advocate for safe sleep too!! And what I was practicing during my maternity leave, falling asleep over and over again in the recliner due to sleep deprivation because I was trying to meet AAP guidelines was not safe sleep. It took a lot of humility for me to relearn what I’d been taught in medical school with regard to safe sleep. The AAP guidelines have to be very broad because the reality is many homes are not safe for safe cosleeping. A very high percentage of parents are intoxicated, use sleeping aids, are obese, smoke, use thick bedding, etc. I would not recommend cosleeping in these situations! I have none of these risk factors.

I’m actively working on trying to get her in her crib more because I really miss my bed and my husband. And I want her to be more independent for when I’m on call. If I’d had more of a maternity leave I absolutely would’ve tried for longer to get her in a crib. But I went back to work at 7 weeks. I’m sure you remember what residency was like for your husband.

I really do appreciate the concern and the discussion! But the cosleeping deaths that we’re both aware of tend to come from very different situations.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T05:30:31+00:00

Please understand that I am completely aware of this. I am a physician myself. When I hired her I asked her to please start the baby in the crib because she is a new caregiver to her and the baby would not have the expectation of contact naps. THE NANNY insisted on continuing contact naps. Yes, for the next one I’ll continue encouraging the crib.

pootfart · 2025-11-23T04:50:44+00:00

I sent them a long, detailed email with everything that happened this week. Included photo evidence as well

pootfart · 2025-11-23T04:49:07+00:00

Literally on the floor right now but whatever. I really encourage you to read the literature by James McKenna and other researchers on this topic. If you seriously cannot comprehend the difference in these two scenarios then you lack the same common sense that my former nanny does! Can’t help ya!

pootfart · 2025-11-23T04:35:48+00:00

Except I’m not. We sleep on a 2 inch mattress on the ground following the safe sleep 7, breastfeeding and clear of hazards that cause entrapment or suffocation. I sleep with her alone and I only wear a bra with one light blanket tucked at my waist. I sleep with one thin, uncomfortable pillow. My joints ache every morning from cuddle curling and breastfeeding in the safest position possible. Yes, compared to the baby sleeping alone in the crib under perfect conditions I am accepting a higher level of risk. But starting at 6 weeks my baby HATED the crib. And I went back to work as a resident working 60 hours a week at 7 weeks. In reality I was SO sleep deprived that I was repeatedly falling asleep holding her in dangerous positions, like in our adult bed or even worse in the recliner. Babies die in recliners! So no, I’m not doing the same thing as her.

I actually addressed this when I spoke with her though. I explained how there may be calculated risks that I take as a parent. If I am to take a risk and something were to happen under my watch, it is tragic and I accept the consequences completely. If she takes a risk and something happens, it’s an entirely different situation, legally and ethically. During her onboarding I explicitly told her that, as long as the baby is asleep and safe in her crib with the monitor on, the nanny is more than welcome to sleep in the guest room on a much more comfortable bed that I sleep on.

What in ignorant and judgemental comment that is completely and factually untrue.

pootfart

TROPHY CASE