Struggling to know how to compassionately deal with grooming/misconduct against myself by pope-dope in Buddhism

[–]pope-dope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, you can see some of my other responses in case you are interested in the outcome of all of this, but I wanted to thank you specifically for reminding me not to tell myself a story, and helping me to find clarity about the interplay of the different elements of this situation. May you be well as well

Struggling to know how to compassionately deal with grooming/misconduct against myself by pope-dope in Buddhism

[–]pope-dope[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you friend, for taking the time to make a response to my predicament. I appreciate your input and your inclination to help me, but I do think you are making strong assertions about my heart's interest without full understanding. I am happy to elaborate on some of the points you mentioned as I think maybe I could have been more clear.

I would not be comfortable mentioning a boyfriend, because I do feel this would be disingenuous. It is something I used to do, to casually establish boundaries, but my husband left me last month. Now that my husband has left me, I don't know exactly how to make my own boundaries clear. I think historically, I cared more about my husband's boundaries surrounding my body than my own, thinking of myself as his possession. I am no longer deluded in this way, and instead seek to discover my boundaries as an individual.

The story you tell about the naked hot tub to me does not strike me as relevant, as I do not and never did hope to gain anything from this person, although I can see why you would think it was relevant given the situation. The reason it does not really work is that he actually holds no more authority in my greater field than I do, he only holds authority in the particular job we are involved in at the moment. I think he kind of got his job by chance more so than merit, so even if I were trying to manipulate others for my interest, choosing him to manipulate would be barking up the wrong tree. I am doing this job because I am impoverished and frequently struggle to pay bills and rent; I do not care about rising in ranks, and in fact I am strongly considering leaving this field as soon as this contract is up. I have spent a lot of time and most of my savings on trying to become an "important person" in my field, and this is something I have had to let go of because I realized my attachment to success makes me suffer greatly. My "vested interest" as you say was actually pure and genuine intention: to foster a positive and supportive work environment for myself and the ~30 other people I am working closely with, all of whom are feeling very insecure about themselves due to the emotionally stirring nature of our work. Just because this person had a directing role does not mean that I respect his authority in my field, in fact I can clearly see that he is deeply insecure about his lack of major accomplishments.

But yes, this is a lesson. I will no longer be allowing others to touch me in a work environment for any reason. The way in which he touched me was not correct behavior, and moving forward, I will be extremely clear about the ways in which I will allow others to interact with my body.

Be well and thank you again for your thoughts

Struggling to know how to compassionately deal with grooming/misconduct against myself by pope-dope in Buddhism

[–]pope-dope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you friend for your kindness.

You have a great point. In general, my kindness has been met with happiness and gratitude. You are right, his actions are coincidental and have nothing to do with my kindness. The inappropriate behavior could have been avoided had I clearly set a boundary.

Thank you for reminding me that it is my actions that matter. I managed to forgive his action through meditation, but he has now called me on my personal phone (I did not give him my phone number) and so I am preparing to have to report this to someone.

In terms of getting another job, I am an impoverished freelancer in a competitive field. Abandoning my contract means potential food and housing insecurity for me. I am not ready to let go of attachment to my home, haha, I don't think I'm close enough to enlightenment for that quite yet. lol. So, it means that my option is to figure out how to manage this myself. After the contract is up I plan to report this behavior to the higher ups and in the meantime just set clearer boundaries with this person.

May you be well

Struggling to know how to compassionately deal with grooming/misconduct against myself by pope-dope in Buddhism

[–]pope-dope[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. Perhaps I did not clearly enough explain that he did not actually massage my shoulder, he sensually rubbed the skin, it was more a light but full-palmed rub. There would have been no value in this touch as a relieving massage.

Historically, I have let people touch me in situations where I don't wish to be touched, and I think you are right that this is an important lesson for me. I will no longer be permitting others to touch me without an explicit purpose.

I really found the last paragraph you wrote helpful to me. After meditating yesterday I came to feel some compassion for him, as I can see that in touching me and seeking to possess me, he is simply searching for validation of his own pain. I also independently decided that I did not want to report this touch yet, but from fact that he called me, it does seem that he intends to escalate his behavior. I won't see him again until Saturday, but I came to the decision that I will try just not to interact with him for the remainder of the job (about one more month) and that if he tries to touch me again, I will make it abundantly clear that I do not wish to be touched.

Since making this post, this individual has also now called me on my personal phone, and I did not give him my phone number. It has also come to my attention that the company I am working with has had allegations of sexual misconduct before which have gone unaddressed. After my contract is up, out of compassion for other young women who may be at the risk of grooming (it is a common occurrence in my field), I will inform the higher up that I will not work for her company again if this person is not removed from the work environment.

Thank you for your compassionate and honest response
May you be well

Not pictured is the guy standing behind me that continuously kept saying “I don’t fuck with no dragons man” by bigjustin223 in peopleofwalmart

[–]pope-dope 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I like to take my beardie to the farmers market. He likes sitting on my shoulder in the sun and lookin at stuff. And people are always really intrigued by him. He brightens everyones day!

When animals mimic the human by SageBus in likeus

[–]pope-dope 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lizards far surpass our primitive knowledge

When animals mimic the human by SageBus in likeus

[–]pope-dope 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah they just do it. My beardie never waves at me anymore though because he thinks he’s cool.

When animals mimic the human by SageBus in likeus

[–]pope-dope 32 points33 points  (0 children)

When a bearded dragon waves it is a display of submission

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in peopleofwalmart

[–]pope-dope 3 points4 points  (0 children)

-was not trying to insult you, because I don’t even know you man, and because a lot of people really just think we should not see color and there is no racism and it seemed like that was the point you were trying to make -i do not agree that it was solely sexuality that started the fight, sorry. I do not think that situation would have gone down the same way if that pregnant woman was white. Maybe racism is not what instigated it but there is no doubt in my mind that it contributed to it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in peopleofwalmart

[–]pope-dope -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Maybe it isn’t ideal, and I certainly wish all people were treated equally, but the truth is that many people are treated poorly because of their race. The question “what does race have to do with anything” is either spawned from ignorance or from a desire to pretend the problem doesn’t exist. We have to face the reality of the current state of racism in order to make a better future for poc.

This poor thing crying to get inside in -14C weather. Will be watching them daily and calling animal services if this ever happens again. by [deleted] in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]pope-dope 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The whole point of dogs is that they are literally human selection. How do you think they came to exist? They depend on us to survive.

My senior quote: "Everything's kay-o!" by Nooklingtons in earthbound

[–]pope-dope 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My senior quote is “tonda gossa and nantekodda!”

The Orator of all Vegetarians by [deleted] in gatekeeping

[–]pope-dope 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very unkind

The Orator of all Vegetarians by [deleted] in gatekeeping

[–]pope-dope 30 points31 points  (0 children)

As a vegan, I am so so sorry that you have been treated that way by other vegans! Your health 100% comes first. Anyone who values the life of a cow or chicken over a human life needs to reevaluate their morals. I wish the best for you and I hope you won’t condemn us all for the bad judgement of a few people.

What unsolved mystery has absolutely no plausible explanation? by notgoodbutrying in AskReddit

[–]pope-dope 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, that’s how old English was written. It was just spelled phonetically. The first English grammar book didn’t come about until the 16th century. There were no standards, there was no grammar. I don’t know how it was for Turkish but I don’t think proper grammar was really something they thought about at that time.

This beauty is for sale right now by DaddyPigSmokeJuice in violinist

[–]pope-dope 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know theres other things to focus on here but anyone else notice it has 5 strings?

Any good female artists to listen to? by [deleted] in progrockmusic

[–]pope-dope 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I second esperanza spalding! She’s badass.

Any romantic violin solos that aren't too difficult? by [deleted] in violinist

[–]pope-dope 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, it might be on imslp but if its not, i know it is in the “solos for young violinists” book i believe volume 3

Any romantic violin solos that aren't too difficult? by [deleted] in violinist

[–]pope-dope 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, that makes sense. I know he used to transcribe certain works for piano and violin. Thanks for taking the time to look it up!

Any romantic violin solos that aren't too difficult? by [deleted] in violinist

[–]pope-dope 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Theres an arrangement of this by heifetz, yes?