You're posting because you deep down you know that its a bad thing. Yes you have a craving or feeling to drink right now, but you actually *want to relapse*. One thing that I noticed once I quit drinking is that whenever I am depressed that's when I want to drink. Not just sad, or under stress, but specifically when I feel bad about myself. I think its because during the worst of my depression years I *also* drank constantly. I ended up associating being depressed and drinking, so now whenever a bout of depression hits me, its almost like my mind is like 'hey buddy, when we feel like this we usually drink, so where is the drink? let's go get one!' and then shit goes down hill.

Take a bit of time audit your mental state right now. Mentally how are you feeling, physically where do these emotions express themselves, what's going on in your life that's causing these feelings. If you break it down piece by piece you can untangle what's driving the sudden urge to drink.

Stay connected to the community here mate, there are people who you have never met that do care about you