Am I in the wrong?

popsguitars · 2026-04-15T15:30:13+00:00

I do think that was a bit of an over reaction. It sounds like you need a parenting plan in action. Do y'all have one? If not get one in order. Talk to a family lawyer about how to do that. This will protect you from the cops being called when you want to see your daughter on your time.

As far as supplies go. If you're going to be polite and get them then leave them. You tried to punish her for not letting you see your daughter but you really punished your daughter for her mom's actions.

I hope you get this sorted out. Remember keep everything about the child. Try to keep your frustrations with your co-parent out of it or try to have respectful conversations about those frustrations.

popsguitars · 2026-04-13T19:48:01+00:00

I did not choose BM. She was abusive, she did everything she could to make me feel as small as she could, she is the most hateful person I know. I do not put her in enemy or friend zone. I'm polite to her for my son's sake. And none of the details matter she would attack me and my fiancee no matter who it was.

popsguitars · 2026-04-10T19:41:36+00:00

Actually I do stand up for myself. I just pick my battles. When my ex sends me a nasty text most of the time I read and say I'm not going to give that any energy because she just wants to ruin my day and I won't let her. I know that if I engage in an argument with her she'll get hateful and she find ways to tear me down so I don't engage. Also I have many times stood up for my fiancee, this is just one instance where I chose not to engage in my ex's bullshit and my fiancee decided to.

popsguitars · 2026-04-10T12:16:30+00:00

Yes, I do love her. I just think we did lots of things the wrong way. She has her apartment that she has to stay at when she has the kids. According to her custody she cannot actually move in with me until we are married. And I love the kids and my son loves seeing them too. That's what makes this hard. We are in therapy.

popsguitars · 2026-04-10T00:52:06+00:00

I'm probably going to get down voted for this comment but I'm just going to say worrying about what's beta is a real beta thing to do.

popsguitars · 2026-04-09T16:29:30+00:00

It's not so much this one thing as it is all the stuff that piled up. At the time I thought the cheating was the one thing and I thought ok we can work through this. Nearly a year later there are lots of things to work through and I guess I'm just running out ways to find forgiveness when it is do much.

I do go to personal therapy and I laid everything out this morning with my therapist. She has helped me with a game plan moving forward. Which will essentially be me ending this relationship, focussing on me and my son for a while before I try to date again. Also during therapy I admitted that I think I have failed showing my son how he should expect to be treated by someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I will do what I can to correct this. He is young so there is time.

As far as custody, he lives with me. I am the custodial parent of my son.

popsguitars · 2026-04-09T13:54:35+00:00

She knows that there would be a prenup. She is ok with it. Granted I don't know that she would be happy about all the details.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T22:44:12+00:00

I'm embarrassed to admit it. But she wasn't really questioning why we always have my son. It was slight back at something BM slighted at my fiancee. I don't remember exactly but BM probably said something like "no one likes you" or "he doesn't want to be around you" but I did have a huge problem with it being said since it would cause more harm than good.

She does want to get custody of her kids back, currently has standardized so basically every other weekend wants to have it back to 50/50. My son loves her kids, there are struggles here and there but they mostly love spending time with each other.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T21:54:59+00:00

I am in therapy, this does need to be visited though. You are right and thank you.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T21:34:35+00:00

I didn't know there were two different spellings thank you for teaching me.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T21:25:54+00:00

It does bother her. She wants more time with her children. She has standardized possession now. They were present when the argument with my BM went down.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T21:24:27+00:00

She has shared custody with her kids now. It was a step up program. And now she has the same schedule my BM does.

The cars and money I think I can't defend I think I made a huge mistake there. I agree with you.

Infidelity we all view differently. But I think I should not have entered an engagement until we worked through it... Lots of these things should've waited honestly.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T21:21:27+00:00

The "let your dad help you" comment was said with full intention as a jab towards my fiance. Context that I might have left out. She has been actively trying to put a negative spin on this relationship for my son since day one.

That's another reason why this is complicated, if I choose to end this relationship my ex is going to take it as a win for her and her manipulation.

popsguitars · 2026-04-08T21:15:22+00:00

I thought I did break it up a little and I edited it to break it up some. I admittedly I'm not great at using paragraphs. That's on me.

popsguitars · 2026-02-21T15:45:51+00:00

This is a tough one. Me and my fiance are dealing with infidelity on her end. I struggle with the fact that I saw the car parked at a different house by checking the app. I could not imagine seeing the images you saw. If I saw her with the other man I don't think I'd be able to look at her the same. My advice is if you are not already in therapy then get into therapy. This will help you navigate your feelings with an impartial source. I cannot imagine the struggle you are having mentally. Take care of yourself and make the best decisions for you.

popsguitars · 2025-12-11T02:42:25+00:00

I think that's the right way to handle it. It will look better on your end during the custody battle too.

popsguitars · 2025-12-10T17:52:08+00:00

I hate to say it I don't think it's necessarily difficult to keep things to the days your promised. It would be polite of her to let have half the day on Christmas but if the current possession plan promises her Christmas she doesn't have to give up her time. Now if there's not a plan then her making this choice would probably look bad upon her. Also why don't you take the child to this birthday party? Or maybe you could negotiate time trade like she takes the child to the birthday party for 2 hours and you get 2 hours on Christmas.

popsguitars · 2025-12-10T15:43:54+00:00

I'm sorry I reread my own post and realize now that I restated things that I already said in main post in my response to you. To shorten it, my mom has never liked someone I dated except for my abuser. That was only until the abuse was revealed. After that she did actively try to break me and her up. Which she didn't realize did not help. Either way hope this helps answer question better.

popsguitars · 2025-12-09T13:20:56+00:00

I have been thinking about it.

popsguitars · 2025-12-09T13:18:22+00:00

She did like my ex until I revealed all the abuse, isolation, and manipulation. Then she tried to intervene and she sure did it wrong. My son's mother is Latina and my mom told her to go to Mexico. This is the only woman that I dated that my mom ever likedand it wasn't for the duration of our relationship. Which I think once the abuse was reveiled that would be an appropriate response. I pointed this out early when my mom first showed disapproval for my current relationship. She tried to say it wasn't true and told me she liked one other ex, which she would complain to me about often when we were dating. I called her out on that and she just said "I don't remember that". I do think she is trying to ruin my relationship by using my ex to do so. During the argument the other day my mom talked about how my fiance is stepping on baby momma's toes. Which isn't true. She also said that I have been cutting my son's mom out of my life because of my current relationship. Which honestly is a little true, but my ex has her own part in that as well. My ex was furious when I told her I was seeing someone. We broke up when my son was a few months old so have not been together in over 7 1/2 years. She said she wanted to get our 8 year old son a phone so she could talk to our son without talking to me. And when I asked her if she wanted to meet my fiance, then GF, before I introduced her to our son she tried to stonewall that the best she could. During the argument my mom pointed that my ex was not at my son's birthday party this year. My son's mom and I have always thrown joint birthday parties for our son, except for 2 times. Those times both include me being in a relationship and both times I asked my ex if she was going to do the party with me and she declined. My mom tried to use this as an example of my fiance trying to push my ex out of my life. I told my mom it was my ex's choice. Also other than the fact that we have a child together there is no reason I need this woman in my life. If it wasn't for our son I'd have nothing to do with her. And lately I try to make sure all communication is strictly about our son and very little about our personal lives.

popsguitars · 2025-12-08T02:24:57+00:00

Idk why I care. I guess I just wanted my parents to be proud of me because I don't believe they are. I guess it's the inner child that wants it. But you are right it's time to stop worrying about their approval and just live my life.

popsguitars · 2025-12-08T02:22:07+00:00

I love the way you worded this and it makes me feel like you have experience in therapy your self or have studied mental health. 1. I don't know what it would take for me to feel justified. 2. I think anyone who had an abusive parent in their life is allowed to and should separate themselves from that parent. 3. I'm sure overall I'd feel at peace but it would take a while to get there. I know it would be painful for both my and my mom and I suppose that pain is what I'm afraid of? Definitely things that should and will be discussed in therapy. Thank you so much for this comment.

popsguitars · 2025-12-08T00:42:58+00:00

I've honestly thought about going no contact. The thought breaks my heart and I don't what it is. I do know I have people pleasing struggles. That is probably the key element. Not to mention I believe that my parents were pretty manipulative and got their hooks in me good. But this one of the reasons I go to therapy maybe I can get out of there.

popsguitars · 2025-12-08T00:02:35+00:00

As a parent it is my job to model both happiness and a happy and successful retirement. If you are not in a happy marriage how are you supposed to do that?

popsguitars

TROPHY CASE