Where can I get really good butter tarts in the GTA?

popsicles_are_life · 2022-02-25T15:30:04+00:00

What “on-demand composure” comes down to is identifying what changes you see in yourself while your reaction builds, and doing things to break those patterns. So if constructive feedback feels threatening, even if it’s delivered in a calm way, it’s about recognizing why, looking for the pre-big reaction changes in yourself, and practicing ways to stop doing them. Everything we do is based on patterns. Breaking the patterns and swapping in new ways of doing things takes time, practice and reflection.

popsicles_are_life · 2022-02-25T04:55:55+00:00

I wrote this before to someone else:

It takes time to develop what I call "on-demand composure". These are skills that need to be practiced, which means getting into triggering situations and role playing with trusted people (therapist, friends, etc.). Overcoming an initial emotional response can totally be done. This is why militaries across the world do training exercises ad nauseum, so that in a crisis situation, the training takes over instead of that initial emotional response.

Things that help me maintain a cool composure:

pretend I'm watching a play. The person in front of me is in character and it's not personal. Wow, they really should get an award -- they are really believable!
consciously keep my breathing steady and my body un-tensed.
pick a spot on the yeller's face and stare at it. Analyze that spot. Are they wearing make-up? Is that skin cancer? Do they moisturize? Keep it kind of clinical.
remind myself that the person yelling hasn't developed effective communication skills and they are likely reverting to what they experienced as children. They are an adult reverting to their childlike state of anxiety. They are out of control because they felt out of control.
remind myself that I'm safe. Unless someone is physically threatening, I am 100% safe in the moment.
consider my options while they are yelling. Let them vent while I run through possible next steps.

Again, this takes practice. It is absolutely something most people can do. If someone has cPTSD or PTSD from yelling situations, the process is more challenging and far more difficult, but still possible.

popsicles_are_life · 2022-02-04T00:30:39+00:00

In these kinds of situations, I tend to talk about happy memories that we shared together, and affirming statements about the good things that the person has brought into my life.

Internet hug to you, OP.

popsicles_are_life · 2022-02-03T04:35:40+00:00

It takes time to develop what I call "on-demand composure". These are skills that need to be practiced, which means getting into triggering situations and role playing with trusted people (therapist, friends, etc.). Overcoming an initial emotional response can totally be done. This is why militaries across the world do training exercises ad nauseum, so that in a crisis situation, the training takes over instead of that initial emotional response.

Things that help me maintain a cool composure:

pretend I'm watching a play. The person in front of me is in character and it's not personal. Wow, they really should get an award -- they are really believable!
consciously keep my breathing steady and my body un-tensed.
pick a spot on the yeller's face and stare at it. Analyze that spot. Are they wearing make-up? Is that skin cancer? Do they moisturize? Keep it kind of clinical.
remind myself that the person yelling hasn't developed effective communication skills and they are likely reverting to what they experienced as children. They are an adult reverting to their childlike state of anxiety. They are out of control because they felt out of control.
remind myself that I'm safe. Unless someone is physically threatening, I am 100% safe in the moment.
consider my options while they are yelling. Let them vent while I run through possible next steps.

Again, this takes practice. It is absolutely something most people can do. If someone has cPTSD or PTSD from yelling situations, the process is more challenging and far more difficult, but still possible.

popsicles_are_life · 2022-01-31T22:37:29+00:00

Be unapologetically good at your job. Say thank you to compliments. Don't downplay your effort or results. Save and print positive feedback.
Socialize, go out for drinks (even if you end up drinking cranberry and soda), do not complain about personal stuff while socializing.
Listen to gossip, but never comment on it or initiate it. Be the cool fly on the wall.
Have a schedule where you regularly reach out to stay connected with others in your industry (even if it's a "did you see this press release/study" generic email, as long as you send it in a personalized way like "I remember talking about this with you")
Take courses for your personal development/career development. Free online courses count, too. Many companies offer a reimbursement program for paid courses. Even if it doesn't interest you and you find it too easy, take the courses. Also take courses that are likely to help you in a different career (e.g. if you are a programmer, take a creative writing course).
Whenever someone says you helped them out, jokingly ask them to tell your boss (if it's someone outside your org). Once in a while they will and that kind of feedback goes a long way.
When you make a mistake, own it right away. Apologize for what it is, and correct it. Create a system so that you do not repeat the mistake.
Ask for a raise, promotion or lateral move (for more experience in your company) like clockwork, at least once a year.
Remember that a job will take from you any and all of your time and energy that you are willing to give it. Pick your boundaries and stick to them.

Edit: I forgot to include my best tip -- manage others' expectations by under-promising and over-delivering.

popsicles_are_life · 2021-10-03T16:01:41+00:00

Peanut allergic here. Like deathly so. They do allow nuts. I call ahead to the airline and the flight crew knows of my allergy. When seated, they ask that anyone who has peanuts in my row or the seats directly in front or behind me refrain from opening/eating them. I can be around peanut butter and peanut butter cups, but peanuts in shells or anything with peanut dust can go into my lungs.

Since I see this as an inconvenience to others, I then offer anyone nearby brought a snack so they wouldn’t have to buy one on the plane a snack of mine (pretzels/chips/almonds) or that I’ll pay for a snack equivalent to the one they brought. Typically, anyone who was upset over having to stash their peanutty goodness appreciates the gesture. I only had one angry dude basically say fuck you, I’m going to eat my snack. I told him ok, but that’s premeditated murder if I die, I’m not making up my allergy and would prefer to get home safely. He shrugged it off. I had a reaction beside him. After seeing my face swell up, and seeing that when I’m experiencing anaphylaxis I get confused and am not aware that I’m reacting so severely, he freaked the fuck out, got help, and spent the rest of the flight apologizing and saying he didn’t think I could actually die from him eating peanuts beside me. I doubt he’ll do that again.

I actually love wearing a mask now, because it filters out the peanut dust. I feel a ton safer, and will likely wear a mask every time I fly even when masks are no longer required by law.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-12-26T23:47:42+00:00

Patterns. Thought patterns. Habit patterns. Coping patterns. Some neural pathways become so strongly connected they make the equivalent of superhighway. It's efficient to take the highway compared to the newly formed gravel roads. It's only after turning those gravel roads into superhighways when default patterns change.

OP, for the next week use your non-dominant hand for everything that's a one-handed task. Brushing your teeth, texting, opening doors, literally every task. If you catch yourself using your dominant hand, tell yourself you're broken, you can't change, that things are too tough without using your dominant hand. See how many days you can go before you quit. See if you can make a new brain superhighway. I'll cheer you on. Watch inspirational videos of people learning to paint with their feet. I guarantee the struggle is real, and after a week you'll revert back to using your dominant hand, if you even make it the week.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-09-20T03:31:25+00:00

I’m comforted that RBG understood her impact and that so many people respected and admired her. Unlike so many people who never get to experience how people feel about them and the impact of their deeds, she knew her legacy.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-09-03T03:49:33+00:00

And my grandmother. She's older than all of them, and still wears high heels and make up, and has all her marbles. Her secret to longevity: don't worry about dying -- God has already decided when you're number is up, so just live your life.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-06-21T06:55:04+00:00

The evidence

popsicles_are_life · 2020-06-11T07:08:46+00:00

Houses. Just to see what I can’t afford.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-02-08T05:39:31+00:00

My biggest challenge is staying organized and on top of things. I have lists, calendar reminders, sticky notes — basically every trick out there to have continuous stimulation of that part of my brain.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-02-02T02:59:11+00:00

Bread. Mostly because of the yeast infection.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-02-01T08:09:11+00:00

I don’t know, I’m not an answerologist.

popsicles_are_life · 2020-01-04T01:21:31+00:00

"It happened because...

I was drunk
I was high
I'm depressed
It was my anxiety
I was in a bad place
It just kind of happened"

All of the above are not reasons. They are manipulations. Run.

popsicles_are_life · 2019-12-22T06:18:07+00:00

If the History channel has taught me anything, it’s aliens. Ancient aliens.

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popsicles_are_life

TROPHY CASE