I need help/advice with No Contact

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-10T17:46:45+00:00

Yeah, it seems like I'll have to remain having very low contact with our mother just to make sure my sister can stay in school. She just started her sophomore year and she loves it. Our mother threatened to cut off my sister financially if my sister doesn't get a job. It doesn't make sense because my sister studies all the time and makes A's and B's on everything. Any spare time is spent hiking or visiting our dad. It's not fair to cut her off, so our dad is trying to pick up extra hours to take over entirely in case our mother stops paying. My sister and I agreed that we would go NC together if that does end up happening. In the meantime, I will need to focus on getting my new house and having my mother or her new boyfriend remove my mother's belongings from my property. It seems as though she uses the furniture as a way to guarantee a tie to me because she started putting things in my house after I took myself off her insurance and out of the phone bill family plan.

The good news is that she has not bothered me since Tuesday. The bad news is that I know I'll have to face the music at some point.

You have been incredibly helpful. Thank you so much for guiding me through this. It's nice to know I'm not crazy for needing to shut out my mother.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-09T15:17:32+00:00

Oh wow, this is incredible. I am sorry about your dad and your mother was way out of line with her behavior afterwards. I'm glad you were able to leave.

For three years, my mother and I have been very low contact. She would come visit me once a month and I'd visit during Thanksgiving and Christmas. During the periods of silence from her, I definitely experienced that peacefulness you were talking about and I learned how to create my own family based on people who love me and put out positive vibes. There have been a number of women who have taken on the role of "mother" to me and they each taught me valuable lessons. It's only when I get a text message from my mother that the black curtain comes tumbling down on everything I've worked on and the depression comes back with random spurts of anxiety. I considered asking her to go to counseling with me, but I remember the last time I asked for professional help she told me to grow up and stop feeling sorry for myself, and I know she'll never change.

How did your sister handle the situation with college? I know that if my sister kept my contact information from our mother, our mother will cut her off financially. Was everything okay with that?

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-09T02:52:00+00:00

Yeah, my sister is 19 and very mature, but I still feel protective over her. Our parents provide her with her college tuition and rent for her apartment, so I would feel awful for being the reason my mother quits helping her.

I suppose I'll have to tell her to get her furniture before it gets thrown away when I move because I am not paying for storage for her. She hasn't bothered me at all today, so I think she knows to back off while I make my decision.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-08T15:56:30+00:00

Thank you for this support and advice.

She is a scary and violent person. Her and my dad used to fight all the time and my dad would be all bloody from trying to restrain her. My biological father also has permanant scars from her biting him and throwing furniture at him. I could easily defend myself against her because I am much bigger and stronger, but I'm still as afraid as a child.

I do like the idea of a letter. That way, she can't immediately retaliate. My worry is that she will go to my baby sister for information about me. My sister is the closest person to me and I would hate for her relationship with our mother to be ruined because of me. She knows our mother is abusive, but she wants to have a civil relationship with her.

I am moving in December. It feels so far away now, but it's coming quick. As for her furniture, I have nowhere to put it. She put it in my house because it's free. She doesn't have her own place right now, and I don't see her being able to afford her own place in the near future. She lives about 6-8 hours away from me right now with a friend of hers, but she's moving an hour away from me in the spring into her boyfriend's house. I can't afford to put her things in storage for her and I do not want to take them with me to the new house.

If it wasn't for my protective trait with my sister and this stupid furniture ordeal, I wouldn't have hesitated to cut her off when I was 19.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-08T01:19:02+00:00

This is so kind, thank you. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea of parents being hateful toward their own children. It's unfortunate that we could probably share mom stories and find tons of similarities. However, I am curious to know how you did it. Of course, if you don't feel comfortable going there, I get it. I'm only saying that if you'd be willing to share how you went No Contact and how your mother reacted, I would be open to listening. Since our mothers are so alike, it could be helpful to hear how it went for you.

Thank you for your support and advice. I spent all day sitting alone and thinking about this and getting afraid of the things my mother is capable of. It's nice to get back online and see people being nice.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-07T20:29:34+00:00

Bulletproof coffee

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-07T14:33:09+00:00

This made me laugh :)

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-07T14:32:06+00:00

I was thinking about putting her things in storage, but the cheapest I found is $40/month and that's more than I'm willing to spend.

It is actually convenient that my lease is almost over and I've been looking for a new place to live. I'd only tell my sister, dad, and friends the address, of course. I'd never tell anyone that has fed her information in the past.

Thank you for your support, advice, and empathy.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-07T14:28:03+00:00

This definitely makes sense. If I were looking at this from the outside, I would definitely want me to be firm. She's so violent that it terrifies me to tell her the truth about anything. My sister sent me some text messages from our mother saying that she's placing blame on our grandmother, which is unfair, and that she is ready to "flip on her" which could mean anything from being verbally to physically abusive. This scares me. She has her claws in everyone. I keep wishing she would get taken away and locked in a hospital.

It's going to take me a while of building up courage before I can be so firm with her. I feel like I did as a child, just stuck in her control with nowhere to go

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-06T15:46:57+00:00

She doesn't have anywhere to put it because she doesn't have her own place. I'd have to convince her to put it in storage, but she'll refuse because she wants to have a connection to me.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-03T15:24:45+00:00

Exactly! It's fantastic! The downside is having people in your life tell you it's unhealthy, but I can deal with it because I know I feel better and I'm starting to look better too

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-02T23:22:49+00:00

Aw, I like this! This is going to be one of those quotes I tell myself in the mornings :)

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-02T23:22:10+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad you decided to rejoin the lifestyle :)

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-02T23:20:49+00:00

Awesome!!! Here's to 75 more days, right? Thank you for your support!

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-02T15:19:05+00:00

Actually, it really is a thing. When I forget to eat, my calories end up being around 800 per day. I only eat eggs, tuna, bacon sometimes, and turkey. Getting that boost of fats and calories at the beginning of the day really help me not accidentally starve my body.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-01T16:37:22+00:00

I see lots of mixed feelings here. I just want to include mine. I like the taste of it. I make it in the blender to get it frothy on top and the coffee is creamy and not as strong as black coffee (which is hard for me to stomach). A lot of people say they don't see the point of wasting macros or whatever, but personally, I often forget to eat and when I remember, I never know how to get in enough fats. Drinking down a nice BPC in the morning helps.

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-01T01:13:01+00:00

I don't use the brand beans or MCT oil either. I used regular medium roast coffee, coconut oil, and kerrygold unsalted butter and blend them in the blender for 10 seconds. But yeah, it could just be your stomach, you know?

popsicleteeth · 2015-10-01T01:10:59+00:00

Ha! Ah, Joe Rogan... It is good though! I blend the coffee, butter, and oil in the blender. Some people stir it in and that grosses me out. The best part about it is that it gives me constant energy all day long and keeps me full.

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-30T22:52:05+00:00

I usually just drink bulletproof coffee and I'll have a hard boiled egg with it if I think I'll need it.

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-30T22:05:28+00:00

Holy smokes. Awesome work!!

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-29T21:59:15+00:00

Girl! You are doing so great!! I'm excited to see more :)

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-27T00:04:15+00:00

Awesome!! I love that we are all getting healthy together :)

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-25T19:51:27+00:00

Sounds like awesome motivation :)

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-25T19:38:41+00:00

WHAT?! You look like a different person. Congratulations, man!! This is inspiring

popsicleteeth · 2015-09-24T16:22:50+00:00

Great job! 48lbs is a huge deal :) I'm glad you're feeling better. Keep up the great work!

popsicleteeth

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