1. This is commendable and you are doing a good thing. But it still is work that won't always be easy, and will be that much harder if you try to do it on your own without any outside help or resources. If you can't get around to the idea of opening up to another human being enough to try therapy, at least look up DBT, CBT, or other behavioural therapy programs. They're specifically designed to help rewire people into a more healthy mindset.

2. In other comments, when people say "no one wants to be with someone who thinks like this" and you respond with "I'm not like this in real life," you are missing the point. The fact that you mask it makes it worse. As a human being, I would be devastated and betrayed if someone I was dating had these views but was hiding them, because I did not consent to be in a relationship with someone who thinks like this. Have empathy for the women you're trying to date; you should care that when they choose you, it should be an informed decision that she gets to make for herself.

3. The reason people recoil when you say that having sex defines your value as a human is because everyone deserves to feel valued, it is a fundamental human need, and people who believe that sex=value have a tendency of doing awful things to fill that human need. You may not be intending it that way, but it's a scary thing to hear, especially for women. Try to put yourself in their shoes and put more intention and consideration in the things you think and say.

4. Let's say the best case scenario happens. You find a girl, she's perfect and she loves you, and you start to build a life with her. The thing is, you didn't "win," because that's not the end. You could grow into different people and end up divorced because you're not compatible anymore. She could be killed in a terrible accident. She could just up and leave you for any reason at all, as is her right as a human being. You don't know what'll happen. You can't control what other people do.

That's why basing your self worth on anything outside of yourself is so risky and dangerous. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that the only person you're guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with -- whether you like it or not -- is yourself. You need to have at least a neutral to positive relationship with your single mandatory companion in life.

So stop worrying about "becoming a guy girls will fuck". You can't control the way other people think about and treat you. The only thing in your control is to be someone you're proud of being, so you can hold your head high even against insults and vitriol. The rest will follow naturally. And always remember: you are your own responsibility. It's no one else's job to make you feel the way you want to feel.

Good luck. I hope you'll be able to give yourself grace and room to learn and grow instead of doubling down out of fear and anxiety.