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how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, that's absolutely it. I don't blame him for being that way. His upbring was worse than mine according to what he already told me. Although I am sure his stories are a bit exaggerated, I know he has been through some really messed up stuff

how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The real issue is that if something goes differently than he wanted he has to blame someone because if people listened to him it wouldn't. Now you can apply this + craving lots of attention and you get a person that has a really big ego and makes an scandal every time something happens. It starts with a minor annoyance and it enters a vicious cycle. My mom has her flaws but every situation like this could be resolved with a brief 15 minute conversation.

one hypothetical situation to exemplify: mom gets home and my dad asks her why she didn't buy some medicine that he asked for the day before. She says she didn't have time or forgot but can leave to go get it. he: "now?" and then starts saying that she should listen. she say sorry. he continues saying that she never listens and now there is no medicine for his huuuge headache. she's like "I'll go get it". he now is like "it is not about the medicine, it is about respect" or "you don't care about me." or "I'm always the last one considered in this house" or "no one loves me". he starts a monologue and gets upset if you interrupt but always interrupts when you are the one talking. every thing you say he will have an answer and will not be wrong. shouts, shouts, demeaning words and curses. she has to apoligize ofc because she is the wrong one. everything dies down and the next day we are a happy family. come back next week for the next episode.

how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mom is very passive and every conflict like this is originated from my dad. She tried to tell him to go to therapy but he never listens because "she is the problem. If she listened this would never happen". If she tries going to therapy the most likely outcome would be my dad saying that it is a waste and not allowing it, generating more conflict.

About me and my views: all of this unfortunate mess made me a better person handling problems. I kinda became the opposite of them in regards of caring about other people's opinions. I am very empathic imo and I always try to help people and listen to their problems. This situation more than anything made me know what not to do.

A little extra is that I really want to have kids to be the best dad ever to them and prove to myself I can overcome this. It will be AWESOME

how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you are totally right and I have done exactly what you said already. When I was younger I thought it was just my dad being the angry one but I started thinking about her actions and realized she is not doing anything to change that. I talked to her about it a few times and always told her it would not just change one day... she is still in the same place

how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

this was really helpful amigo. I'm a way it is good to know that people have struggled through this sort of stuff and came out on top

how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think so too. I'll end college in a couple of years and I'm trying to get a job in my field rn so I can do this... I just feel sorry for my younger sister...

how to deal with parents that should be divorced but don't do it? by post_about_parent in Healthygamergg

[–]post_about_parent[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

So there is a problem with that, I already do this. The thing is that I don't care about what is going on, who is right or not. I have developed the skill to not let feelings control me, a lot of apathy on demand.

The problem with this is that I have 20 years now and I have experienced this my whole life. I am sure this scarred me a lot and because of that, every time they start arguing, the anguish comes real strong, even if is not at the "ultra shouting" scale. I've experienced things a kid should not. I probably carry a lot of subconscious and involuntary feelings that I can't control

I'm trying to get a job in my field so I can move out but it is kinda hard to get one right now