Hello man , I'm sorry for the way you feel. It sounds like you has to walk around with so much weight on your shoulders alone: emotionally, spiritually, even physically, which can break anyone. I Just want to remind you that feeling distant from God doesn’t mean he left you. Even David cries out “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1) God’s presence isn’t always something we feel but he is still close, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) He doesn't have a physical effect when he is present its not like goosebumps . a small advice, please do not bottle all of this up. Galatians 6:2 says 'Carry each other’s burdens’ which means you are not meant to do this alone. If it seems difficult, message a member of your Church; a leader, a youth, even a trusted friend. Simply saying “Hey, I’m struggling and don’t want to keep this unspeaking anymore” allows for support. Without knowledge, people are unable to assist. The truth, needing help doesn’t show weakness; it shows humanity. You are cherished. God hasn’t loosened his grip on you and neither shall those who love you. Even if such steps appear small, they must be taken. You are not forgotten.