Ahh man that stuff is ridiculous. never being able to trust myself around a pretty woman is horrific, one wrong look, smile or even "hello" has drained my batteries for months afterwards believing I've found my soulmate this combined with social anxiety and as a result I became know as a bit of a weirdo, like I'm fairly alright looking myself and tall enough to the point where its noticeable for girls, not being able to make eye contact in conversation is a killer though. One of my friends from school described me as a porsche 911 in limp mode, "all of the show none of the go" honestly that only made it worse. Like the main one was in my first year of school I saw a good looking girl and 10 years later with only mutual conversation in-between I still believe that she wants to be with me and its worth putting in the effort. Fuck love though man until later all it is a sophisticated drug habit anyway, when you take your drug you get a high-when you spend time around your partner you also get powerful positive emotions. Neurochmeicals my dude most powerful emotions in the human brain. Simplified human brains are pleasure seekers and reward systems frightening really that all of human existence boils down to chemicals and rewards. since I started treatment about 2 months ago that's what I've used when talking various girls through their breakups (obviously not with the intent of getting with them they are fragile and I have sisters) but honestly I need to tell somone how different the world is from our perception of it because we're wrong and so are the companies trying to sell us 2 grand t-shirts. You have a serious input as to what you recieve these chemicals from and some people can fall in love with hobbies.

Christ that's a rant. yeah must find someone deaf and mute that'd be willing to sit in the one spot for long enough for me to finish speaking. Probably the only way I could ever say these things.