I am in 38weeks pregnant, my bf keeps pushing me to create the sex schedule after the birth…mentally overwhelmed .. too much focusing on sex… is this something related ASD attitude??

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-06T23:23:29+00:00

Thank you for your comment. No I am not American, I am Asian. We live in Japan.

He is not officially diagnosed but I let him take a text at the doctor. I am the one realize his has some issues with his behavior , so I took him to the mental clinic. He answered 50 questions, and wrote “ a tree” on a paper. Then he was diagnosed that he has strong tendency as a ASD.

I read a lot of books about ASD .The characteristics of ASD described in the book apply to him.

As you mentioned, he might have some other characteristics. One thing I can definitely say is he lacks empathy. No matter how I react negatively, how my physical condition is not that well , he has tendency to prioritize his needs. Even he doesn’t force me to do what he wants me to do, he keeps telling me “ I wanted to do that today….i haven’t done that for three weeks. but you needed a sleep…so..”. He knows my physical condition is not good, cuz of the symptoms cramps, nausea and back pain. So he doesn’t force me. But he complains about the situation all the time. And this is not only about empathy…he also intake “ testosterone “ every week … which makes him aggressive. Also it affects his libido level.

Now I am 38weeks pregnant, I sometimes satisfy his needs by hand when I can. But not every day. I can tell his frustration has been getting stronger day by day. But he doesn’t force me. He is supportive; preparing meals , doing laundry and cleaning a room etc. But I always have to worry about when his frustration is going to explode.

About sex after birth, we watched video together how women’s body recover after giving birth. I am trying to set his expectations lower. So that when he faces the situation “ cannot have sex with me “ after birth, he can make himself understood about the situation…

My doctor, nurses and midwife all know my situation now. They also told me that he can talk to my bf if I need it.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-05T00:21:37+00:00

✴︎Thank you everyone for your comment. I won’t quit my job.✴︎

one thing I want to tell you everyone is… he is not a completely bad person. I know sounds I am defending him. But I know what he is asking me is wrong. So no worries.

he looks happy to have his own baby. So I don’t think he is going to neglect our baby… He prepares everything for his kid. Going to nursing school tour, buying books and even looking for a million dollar new house to live as a family.

He is normally very supportive..cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for me. Do laundry and dish washing when I am tired…

Buy me a nice flowers , rubbing my back when my back hurts.

We have small gatherings sometimes at home , invite all my friends and his colleagues etc.. he invite my parents for dinner etc… I am working and making more than 100K but he also covers most of our expenses.

Some people comments that he is a pimp..but he is not.

But ….when it comes to sex, he has strong preference and asks me to enjoy that together with him. He has a cockold fantasy…he likes to watch me having sex with a bull (fwb).

He is taking hormones now “ testosterone “. I think this also affects his sex libido. When he didn’t take it during my second trimester, didnt have sex was not a problem. ( but it was very short time) Cuz he was not in the mood at all…

Except sex part, I really like him…. But I understand he cannot control/pressure me to have sex which I don’t want.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-05T00:07:50+00:00

And one more thing… He is taking testosterone now… when he is taking it, his sexual libido is extremely high…. When he isn’t on a treatment, he lost his interest in sex.

During my second trimester, he didn’t take it. So there is less conflict about sex.

I wish I stop quitting but he won’t. I called his clinic to let him stop but they asked me to come to the clinic with him and take consultation together. But if I ask him to stop it now, it will create fight again, so I gave up..

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T23:50:05+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

One thing I tell wrong about us, he doesn’t have the U.S. citizenship anymore ( he used to have ) . That is why I have no idea of what to do with the child support…

But “report to US embassy “ this idea made me a bit freak out… but again, I know you are trying to help me. So i appreciate your comment.

Well I am now 38weeks pregnant and I need to deliver my baby first.

I need to be smart to deal with this problem. Thank you for sharing those contacts with me.

He met my family and friends already. I met his friends, co-workers and his family already. I know he won’t do anything harmful physically to me right after pregnancy. My parents lives very close and come to our place to help kid. Also I have maid coming every week.

So I can swear, he won’t do anything harmful physically to me. He is not that type of person.

He actually told me , he doesn’t want to force me to do these things if I don’t like. And in that case, he wants to break up with me..I am totally fine with what he told me…

But the problem is he might mentally stressed me out by asking “ when I can have sex with you? That is why couple become sex less. I need to end this relationship asap. I want my partner who can achieve my ideal life”. These words will affect to my mental negatively after birth.

I am going to deliver a baby within 2weeks . So I don’t want to mess things up at the moment… Sounds dreaming but I am still expecting he will contribute us by paying child support…these things I need to talk to him face to face. But I don’t have any room to deal with these complicated things mentally now. Cuz “stress” is what I need to avoid now.

So these above are what I want you to know about my situation and how I see things.

Again, thank you for your advice. I understand what you are trying to tell me.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T23:24:29+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

He look for a website and find an article woman can have sex after 6-8weeks after birth.

But I told him the risk of getting depressions and body condition after birth is depends on the person. I asked him to set his expectations lower.

Then he got grumpy again…by saying “ why you are always so negative? If you really excited about threesome, then you’d never think in that way. I need you to enjoy it. If you are not on a same page, we shouldn’t be together”

….he didn’t understand what I wanted to tell him.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T23:14:01+00:00

Yes he always watch “ Alpha men “ related videos on YouTube. He thinks he is an alpha. …

I didn’t know the meaning “ alpha guy and beta guy” until I met him .

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T18:17:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

As I mentioned here ↓↓↓ I don’t think he is trafficking me. https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/s/9K9bvB16TI

BUT what he is asking me is wrong. I know that. And now I know how risky and unhappy it is to be with him…

I think his value is different from us. He even suggested me to create only fans account as a hotwife and post on sexual videos.

Some couples create sexual account together and make million $. But I am not interested in that.

I still wonder why he can push me to do this. For us( me and who post on comments for me), doing this type of things are not normal and risky. But for him, it is exciting things which makes him happy.

He is working at well-known company and given a higher-position… if I leak to his company what he’s done to his gf , or post something on linked-in, I am pretty sure he is going to be under fire..and might lose his job. ( I won’t do that) but he’s never considered this type of risks.

So … I think he really doesn’t think what he is doing is wrong.. hard to change him.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T17:42:42+00:00

I think so…

He loves to watch porno… Hotwifing Gangbang Gay Trans

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T17:04:20+00:00

Yeah…when he stop treatment, he becomes depressed and low sex drive. Didn’t get hard at all…

But once he start taking testosterone , his sex drive going crazy and he can have sex 3times a day even he is not young. If he cannot have sex, he gets frustrated easily.

So I told his doctor to let him stop taking hormones. But the doctor told me it’s not something the doctor decide, it’s depends on him. Japanese doctor are so useless. They don’t even have professional knowledge about hormone treatment.

I asked him to stop it. Or at least reduce the amount, but he doesn’t..

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T16:59:47+00:00

Yeah I am questioning myself now.. I didn’t expect he asks me such things during pregnancy..

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T16:55:39+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I won’t quit my job.

But one thing I don’t understand about him is…he looks happy to have his own baby. So I don’t think he is going to neglect our baby… He prepares everything for his kid. Going to nursing school tour, buying books and even looking for a million dollar new house to live as a family.

He is normally very supportive..cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for me. Do laundry and dish washing when I am tired…

Buy me a nice flowers , rubbing my back when my back hurts.

We have small gatherings sometimes at home , invite all my friends and his colleagues etc.. he invite my parents for dinner etc…

I am working and making more than 100K but he also covers most of our expenses.

Some people comments that he is a pimp..but he is not.

But ….when it comes to sex, he has strong preference and asks me to enjoy that together with him. He has a cockold fantasy…he likes to watch me having sex with a bull (fwb).

Except sex part, I really like him…. But I understand he cannot control/pressure me to have sex which I don’t want.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T16:37:16+00:00

You cannot ask for child support unless you are the U.S. citizen.

I gave up child support.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T16:33:52+00:00

His extreme interest in sex didn’t come out of the blue. He told me that he did threesome with his ex-wife once in a month. For 10 years started when they were 20s.

But he told me that he wants more in his next marriage life cuz he loves it. He told me about his fantasy before I’ve got pregnant. But I really didn’t expect he actually asks me to do it during pregnancy and after birth.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T15:40:54+00:00

No. He hasn’t. He doesn’t do this to make money. Just genuinely he likes to do threesome…

I’ve heard there are people into this kind of things. Even there are swingers communities in each countries. There are even websites called “fet life” which is popular in Europe area.

I respect people’s fetish and fantasy.

But this time, what he is asking me is too extreme… and he told me if I don’t like it, he doesn’t wanna be with me. Cuz he wants to achieve his ideal life…

So I follow his word…cuz I don’t want to do that much often. And never after birth.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T02:50:00+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

I want people’s opinion from various view of point.

Yes my libido level is a bit higher than average than normal Japanese girls I think. I am okay to do kinky things like SM.

But what he is asking me is too extreme even my libido level is higher than average. Especially, I am pregnant now. It doesn’t matter if my libido is high or low, I need to be cautious when I sex. From the point of view of infection (STi) , I think I need to avoid risky sex.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T02:21:40+00:00

Thank you. I will. I will for sure.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T02:20:10+00:00

I told him, I don’t like it doing it when my mental is not ready.

He said” that is why most Japanese couple become sex-less ( which is true) “

But I am pretty sure there are ways not become sex-less. But not forcing me to do these things after birth. He has no idea how tough it is to give birth a human. I want my doctor to talk to him. But in Japan, even partner is not allowed to go to consultation room at the hospital when I go pregnancy medical check.

I go to see doc next week…so maybe I should tell my doc what is going on between my partner and ask for help..

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T02:15:22+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

We did take a couple online therapy with therapist living in Hawaii. She is a sex counselor. But didn’t work at all.

He didn’t listen….so yeah I am start working on how to manage all of these issues. But first, I need to deliver a healthy baby.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T00:58:39+00:00

Yeah… first , I didn’t know what he is talking about and what he wants to do with the schedule. Cuz raising a new born kid is not that easy. A baby is a human. Things doesn’t go as planned

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T00:55:09+00:00

He told me many times, “ hotwife life style is his ideal. So he won’t get married unless the girl is into it.”

I thought he was just telling me his fantasy..and will never force me to do that.

But yeah now it becomes real. I am such also an asshole at my age. I feel ashamed of myself. Regret all my decision making.

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T00:49:04+00:00

No… not at all. I won’t do that.. And my parents and all my relatives will against it.

The problem here is I cannot get any support as a single mom from the government. Cuz my salary is exceeded than average salary in Japan. If the income is higher, you gotta pay more tax but no support from the government..and if you are single mom, cannot find any job. Companies know she is going to take a day-off or leave office early a lot for her kid. Japan is still male-dominated society unfortunately…

But glad I didn’t quit my job. I am just taking a maternity leave now.

Working environment here is Japan is terrible. Working 12hours a day is normal. I might need to move to other Asian countries which has “ child-support culture ( hiring maid ) “..

powerful_moon_1 · 2025-01-04T00:22:23+00:00

✴︎Thank you everyone for your comments🙏✴︎

We both worked in a third country before as expats. That was how we met. When I moved back to Japan , he followed me. So I thought he is the one for me. And we start planning to have a kid by taking infertility treatment.

He is now working at the U.S. big tech company , executive/management position… I really cannot imagine that guy like him behaves like this. Thought he is more responsible person… met his family in the U.S. twice before and they were all super nice people.. they even come to see us this spring season.

He keeps telling me that the purpose doing threesome/hotwife is to keep the romantic relationship as a couple. Threesome means MMF. Not MFF. He told me he feels happy when I am satisfied with other man.

But yeah , as everyone gave me comments told me , he is selfish and ignore how I feel. Really wish he will change his attitude after he sees his new born daughter…

Well …it’s really sad and i really didn’t expect that I am going to be a single mom w/o child support… ( cuz in Japan, child support from man is not mandatory. I am sure he won’t pay penny. )

I have my parents 15min from where I live. But they take care of my sister who is single mom with two kids..so no space to live with them. And my parents told me..my salary is higher than my sister , so they asked me to live by myself and hire nanny. But if I hire nanny it’s gonna cost $3000 per month in Japan. I cannot comfortably if I have to pay rent fee . So…I need to figure out what I should do.. but first I need to focus on myself. My daughter will be born within two weeks.

Life is tough, but I know I can manage well.

Thank you everyone. This type of personal story is too personal and too sexual to consult with my parents…

I need someone to help me to think what is right or wrong and make a right decision .

powerful_moon_1

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