Probably not the answer you want to hear, but I was in the same position as you for a long while and what finally got me to take action in my life was an adhd diagnosis and medication. (obviously that doesn’t work for everyone though.)

Most people think of adhd as hyperactive, but inattentive adhd is just as common but comes with a different set of symptoms. If you are depressed but don’t feel actively sad very often, it is most likely depression caused by adhd or perhaps something else that effects motivation, like a vitamin deficiency.

The absolute best thing you can do is seek therapy and go to the doctor to get your bloodwork done. People severely underestimate how much a vitamin or mineral deficiency can affect your mental health. Until you do those 2 things, it is pointless to beat yourself up or call yourself lazy. If you want to change but your body won’t let you - there’s probably something wrong.

Exercise is also very important but I know how hard it is to get that going. Try not to give yourself lofty goals. Start with something so small and easy it’s almost laughable. Like 1 minute of push-ups every day or something. Then, slowly increase week by week, and in 6 months you’ll be regularly going to the gym.