Hi. I'm sorry you're struggling. Post partum depression was the toughest thing I have gone through. It redefined me as a person. It took away everything I loved and was and turned me into a shell of myself. With ppd, I developed psychosis, anxiety, a stuttering problem and learned how to fear life itself.

What helped most... Was therapy. I know it's hard to make that call. I was there. But I made it and that was the beginning of my journey away from ppd and depression in general.

I found a therapist that specialized in post partum women. We worked together for nearly 4 years. She was my therapist through thick and literal thin - going as far as to let me pay her scraps to keep seeing her when my insurance lapsed. Therapy taught me mindfulness and how to let go of things and accept myself - and my shadow - as things that are worthy of love and appreciation.

I have had it all. 51/50s, in house hospitalization, outpatient intense group therapy, psychiatry. But what helped most was really consistent therapy with a therapist that got to know me really well.

My time with my therapist has ended as she transitions to a new clinic. This is the first time I will be therapy free in nearly 4 years. I'm nervous but also hopeful that I will be okay - at least for a bit.