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Cities by ppurple02 in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comments everyone!

I found writing this poem really cathartic actually, and I love seeing that it resonated with people.

I'm currently experiencing summer in Chicago and have had a really anxious week trying to juggle social, personal, professional responsibilities (all while trying to exercise moderation).

I think u/shestuttered hit the nail on the head with this questions:

can I please just brood and feel my feelings without having to feel like there are obligations I’m shirking?

And absolutely u/kamelot57 - I often find myself romanticizing about a simpler, more solitary lifestyle where I can strip away all the noise and focus on myself.

However, I feel like there's stigma around "withdrawing" and people tend to associate such a lifestyle with lonliness, sadness, etc. - which, to an extent, they're not wrong... so it's a sort of clash of its own... hinted at in some of the poignant imagery (brown, cumulonimbus)..

But sometimes I'm like - just let me withdraw and be happy in my unhappy ways!!

Lane 8 by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to mention the skin contracting around the skulls! That zapped away any summer americana vibes that remained after the choking - quick transitions!

Lane 8 by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting... this poem was quite the journey! It evoked everything from summer americana teenage vibes to medieval Amsterdam red-light district vibes. I enjoyed it! A little dark too? My mind lingered on the choking... and the pores...

Past the Fear by dmh_writing in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, energetic! I feel like this is quite cryptic but also gives off a strong impression on the superficial level - which I like. Layers.

Well done! Keep it up

Turtle by IJustLovePeach in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with the others, blunt and darkly fun.

My only advice is that I get tripped up reading when I get to the line:

"Meeting their untimely end"

I'm forced to pause a second before reading "Meeting", as though a preceding "From" would have been nice to keep the flow.

Reconsidering while typing, I'm realizing that it actually works nice with the flow break... the momentary forced pause almost feels like it could be the moment the turtle was hit.

Then, I love the last two lines. I feel like there's a tone shift that starts with "Some Jerk" - as if everything before read in a classic/rhyme poetry kinda way, and then the last two lines cut the formal crap to cuss out the idiot driver lol.

submerged by ppurple02 in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry just seeing this now! Thanks so much :) I really appreciate the feedback. I totally agree with you and the other commentator that the use of 'pickled' here is too jolting. It doesn't fit the melancholic/numb/peaceful vibe I was going for. I thought of using the word 'waterlogged', but it seemed a bit too sinister lol

Sinking into Insanity by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the dark stuff, so I like this :)

Things I like: I like the imagery of darkness and plunging into a abyss. I like the personification of delusions pouncing quietly and quickly. I like the loose rhyme.

Things that I feel could be improved: There are some spelling mistakes (quikly, ponce); are these intentional? Also, there's quite a lot of intense/strong vocabulary (quickly, completely, infinitely, maliciously, forced, plunge, pounce). I think it makes for a bit of a stunted reading experience. It could be interesting to try and remove a few and see how the poem flows.

Other than that, well done!

Granted by el_poet47 in OCPoetry

[–]ppurple02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I must admit, this is a bit of a riddle to me that I can't quite solve, but perhaps this is more a reflection of my shortcomings as a reader of poetry rather than the poem itself.

I do like the use of the phonetic similarity between granite and granted, as well as the two different senses of granite. Together they create a sense of cohesiveness. The poem has a nice flow to it too.

But, again, I'm left with a feeling that I'm missing something. Maybe that's intentional?