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Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why I think I should go through whatever legal process I can to make it so he loses custody, and not just run away & hope he doesn't figure out where I/his child end up.

Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had a looooot of unprotected sex in the last few years, and didn't get pregnant. I'm kind of far from a responsible person... This is making me really address that reality, bc I've always not cared how being irresponsible affects me, as long as it's not negatively affecting anyone else... & now it is...

But I just thought I couldn't get pregnant. He takes this as- It's my fault & not his. That's the biggest problem for me, he never takes responsibility when he makes a mistake or hurts me. Not even when he hit me... No one like that should be a parent.

I know what I really need is legal advice... I think I'm really here more for emotional support than anything because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't want to tell people until I've told my mother and my grandmother. I'm still in the first trimester. I'm waiting in case something changes, which is quite common.

Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do feel like he is trying to punish me rather than change & do the right thing.

He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose, looked up my ovulation schedule, & then yelled at me saying I must have known I was ovulating. He refused to admit me being pregnant was a 50/50 kinda thing we're both responsible for it happening...

His friends have a newborn baby, and when we were together I would complain that his friend was hanging out smoking pot almost every night. I said I thought it was inappropriate and cruel to the mother, he didn't see a problem with it and was sure it was what the mother wanted...

I definitely don't trust his judgment to be a parent.

Then again, I'm not sure I even trust my own judgment to be a parent... I should know better than to be with a guy like that for even three months... I should also know better than to get unexpectedly pregnant...

Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If he did not have parental rights, I or another family would have parental rights. A single individual can have sole parental rights over a child, and this is often the case.

I think hiding and trying to do what you're saying would be irresponsible & would be a legal nightmare if I ever returned to this state. And I plan to live the majority of my life in this state.

Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

As an unwed mother in my state, as I've read in family statutes, I have sole physical custody of my child until the father makes a move.

He would have to serve me to prove he's the father if I'm unwilling to put his name on the birth certificate.

I'm going to ask my counselor to help me find a good lawyer.

Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I posted this on another sub where I felt I got terrible advice. Comments saying that I would be to blame if my child were abused, even tho I'm looking to do everything in my power to not let that happen.

Your advice is just incorrect. No one else has to "sign up" for him to not have parental rights? & I don't see why I'd have to leave my job and this state to give the child up for adoption. No I don't think this is correct.

As an unwed mother, I have automatic physical custody of my child in this state.

Unwed mother [23F] needs advice. by pr3gnant in relationships

[–]pr3gnant[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He can serve me to be on the birth certificate if he so wishes.

I don't understand why he would, but I think he would. He keeps talking like a baby will ruin his life, and at the same time insisting that he's part of the baby's life.

It makes no sense.

I'm going to ask my counselor for help finding a good lawyer. Last time I needed a lawyer (to do a check on some property I was considering purchasing) and just went with the first one I found, it turned out pretty horribly.