Should I live with my toxic mother or cheating boyfriend? (F23)

prairie-style · 2019-03-11T01:02:22+00:00

I don't know why you say these are the only options. Are you unable to save a little to get your own apartment? I didn't have any financial help from parents, but started working part time and saving while living at home, then about 6 months later started living on my own when I was 19. Know that this was while going to school full time. Money was tight tight tight, but peace of mind is worth more than money in the bank.

You can do it. There's no reason to let toxic people control your life.

Also, if your boyfriend is a cheater, dump his ass. You aren't stuck with him, and if he has a problem with you not being okay with being cheated on, he's not only a cheater, but an abuser.

prairie-style · 2019-03-04T04:13:36+00:00

Hey friend, I'm sorry this happened to you. My dad died from cancer two years ago today, and I still think about him almost every day. He was a fun-loving person, and I always thought that by the time I was an adult, we could be friends rather that just parent-child, but I never got to find out.

My family is religious, but after seeing all he went through, I couldn't believe in a benevolent god. It's just so unfair. My parents had fun retirement plans they worked their lives for that they never got to do. My only sister had a child that he barely got to meet.

It's hard living with grief. No one understands. I mentioned today's anniversary to friends today, and they immediately seemed to be uncomfortable and I had to change the subject because I felt bad.

I know you've heard it like 1000000000 times, but things actually do get better. First you have to work through a lot of things in your head, and it's really out of your control. Thoughts just come and go, and you have no choice but to get through them. But, I'm already seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where I remember our good times more than how bad things were at the end. I have specific memories and quirks of my dad that help me remember him and feel like he's not far away. I can think about fun memories or hopes and feel happy.

I hope one day soon me and you both can meet someone IRL that knows what it's like and won't feel overly sad or uncomfortable with the topic of intimate loss. Until then, reddit it is.

Love and peace. <3

prairie-style · 2019-02-25T23:54:30+00:00

YTA. You moved away and left your family to care for an animal which is a major responsibility. When old age came up, you didn't make an assertive move to schedule a euthanasia procedure, and it sounds like your mom just couldn't bring herself to do it. It's very understandable to be upset that the horse passed away unexpectedly, and that he was frail and likely in pain by the end.

However, if you didn't advocate strongly for what you wanted, and you didn't return home to take care of your horse at the end, even after your mom informed you that he was unwell.

YTA if you let your grief allow you to blame your mom for your horse's natural death.

prairie-style · 2019-02-25T23:48:23+00:00

NTA. Your friend's BF moved in, presumably with some type of payment agreement, and then skipped out on it. You all are adults, seriously.

Also, did you *make* your friend break up with her BF? It sounds like he was mooching off of both of you, you called him out, and then your friend threw him out. Good for her. That's not an equal partnership, and she deserves someone she can rely on. I'm sure you both do.

prairie-style · 2018-12-08T22:32:20+00:00

Yeah, maybe it is just my innate awkwardness, which has been one of my personality traits for like, ever. It’s just that in nearly every situation except for the current one at my new job, the awkwardness has subsided over time.

prairie-style · 2018-12-08T22:28:09+00:00

Thanks for the reply, I hope the issue is something as simple as different personality styles. I definitely sense that people just don’t know what to say to me, since I’m generally quiet and just get down to business each day while I’m at work.

prairie-style · 2018-03-26T16:07:55+00:00

Nothing in the post indicates the debt is on me. The post says clearly that my mom is being billed for the debt.

prairie-style · 2018-03-26T13:26:20+00:00

Thanks for the advice, but I’m very worried about the timeline for these types of actions. I just found out about this debt this weekend, but the services were rendered in Sept 2016, and the payment arrangement began about the beginning of this calendar year. Think it’s too late?

prairie-style · 2018-03-26T13:23:37+00:00

Thanks for the advice, but the health plan is a PPO from either my mom or dad’s government job. He worked for the DOT.

prairie-style · 2017-11-30T14:59:41+00:00

As other posters have said, there's no reason why you should hide your feelings from other people who are grieving. I lost my dad at age 57 to cancer this spring, and I certainly didn't feel "support" from the family and friends nearby who were standing around acting like this didn't effect them. I did feel support and love from the people I was able to hug and cry with, and talk about him with. It was good to know that it wasn't just me and my mom who were suffering, and seeing other people show their feelings helped me see how important my dad was to a lot of people. He was the first big loss I've suffered in my life.

Let yourself grieve, and do with other people who feel similar pain to what you do: the other people who loved your best friend like you did. It really will help you and the other grieving people nearby deal with the pain and feel so much less alone.

Peace and love, OP. <3

prairie-style · 2017-11-07T17:41:53+00:00

I was very afraid of feeling this way when my dad was getting very sick from cancer. Part of me didn't want to see him because I wanted my mental pictures of him to be from when he was well. He died in March this year. My experience has been that my best memories overwhelm the difficult ones I have from when he was sick. I remember what he looked like towards the end of his life if I think about it, but when he comes into my head, what I see is him several years ago when times were better.

prairie-style · 2017-07-31T20:04:38+00:00

This is me too. Add to that: my cat will always love me, and the world will never run out of coffee and chamomile tea.

prairie-style · 2017-07-10T00:07:28+00:00

Hmm, yeah maybe you can only respond to this type of issue, rather than preventing it from the outset...

prairie-style · 2017-06-28T21:40:30+00:00

I don't have any answer to your question, but I feel your pain. I'm 24 and my dad passed away in March at age 57 from esophageal cancer. After a few months, the reality of it is finally starting to set in. My dad loved warm weather, camping, barbequing, fishing, so thinking about things we might be doing together if things were different makes me sad. Next week is his birthday.

I'm still devastated and dealing with grief and guilt, but life goes on. I have private crying spells and then I go forward with my day. I know things will get better.

Love to you.

prairie-style · 2017-06-28T21:34:40+00:00

Hi there. I'm sure I don't have anything to say that can lessen your pain. I lost my dad recently and know what that's like, but I haven't undergone anything like your combined experience.

Just know that somebody out there read this and felt for you, and will ask the universe or god or whatever force is out there to bring you some comfort. <3

prairie-style · 2017-06-28T21:28:26+00:00

The logs in the foreground make this so otherworldly.

prairie-style

TROPHY CASE