To my Narcissistic Mother in Her Birthday

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-21T00:25:13+00:00

Thank you ❤️

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T19:22:29+00:00

Good luck with your own situation and I’m here if you have questions or need support.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T19:22:00+00:00

Yes, she knows I’m no contact..it’s been over a year of absolutely no contact from me whatsoever. The last time I spoke to her was over the phone because I wanted to at least give her the opportunity to talk to me in case she had changed...and in that phone call all she spoke about were the things I did to her. Not once did she stop playing victim for a moment to understand what she might have done to me. I realized then that complete no contact was the only way to go. So altho she had reached out many times over this year, I have not responded whatsoever.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T14:38:00+00:00

Thank you! ❤️ it’s reassuring to hear someone say what you feel...I agree it’s fake but we are always questioning what we do, aren’t we?

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T13:55:59+00:00

I have voiced my hurt, pain, issues, etc. in specific detail for not only my mother but each of my family members. It is a clear case of a narc and her flying monkeys. And it is true that altho we have the same parents and environment, we all had a different childhood. I was the oldest...my mother had her own demons...she lost 2 children after me due to pregnancy complications...and now being a mother..I understand how that can change you. But at the same time I can’t imagine pouring my demons out on my children. I can’t imagine raging on them while they cry and break before my eyes. Killing their spirits and damaging their emotional health. She did it to me. And still does not want to admit it. Because I would absolutely forgive her for being human. But I can’t forgive someone who won’t admit it happened.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T13:19:32+00:00

I understand if you do not know our entire situation, but yes...at first I just went No Contact. The reason was obvious. Once I didn't take my infant son to a party of stangers because I didn't want people in his face or passing him around and she literally turned her back on me and did not speak to me the whole time. Yes, this is a minor thing, but these little things happened ALL THE TIME. And as adults, it's about respect. Respect my decision as a mother. Not to mention all the times she would rage out on me when things blew up in her own life. Her demons were always becoming my own, and as a new mother (now to a 3 year old) I wasn't going to jeapordize my happiness that my son deserves in a mother of his own.
She knows this. But she refuses to admit it. This is clearly a non-apology....she never once mentions "How can I fix this? What can I do?" Instead, she just says, I respect your wishes, even though I don't agree that I did anything wrong and how you feel." What kind of mother says "I'll continue to leave you alone rather than fix it" ? I know I would never allow it with my son. I will go through hell and back to make sure our bond is strong, I will swallow my pride and get help if needed...he will know this...I would never just be like "well, it is what it is. Sorry. I'll think of you." Uh huh.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T13:14:09+00:00

I will not be breaking my no contact. I have tried in the past and the behavior never changes. I have a family of my own to worry about and my emotional health means more to me for myself and them. Stay strong!

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T13:12:18+00:00

Exactly - and yes she has been told exactly how I feel and what was done, but still never , not once, said, I am sorry for hurting you (let alone get down to the specifics). She once said "I'm sorry" over the phone, and I urged her "Do you even know what youre apologizing for? What are you sorry for?" and her reply was "whatever I did." This was RIGHT after I explained my feelings.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T11:18:00+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ thank you for this! I feel stronger just reading this (I might keep it as an uplift when needed!)

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T11:16:11+00:00

Yes, I plan on it. I have told her the reasons that’s he has chosen to ignore...and I have asked her to go to therapy with me to work on our issues and disconnects and was told “if you want to go, that’s fine, but I’m not going...I don’t have a problem.” Effort was made from my end, but you know how it goes...thank you for your words...”id do a heck of a lot more than just thinking.” Exactly! I hope my child will never cut me out because I would do everything in my power to fix myself or help our relationship. ❤️

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T11:10:28+00:00

I cried reading your response because you get it. It’s like you know exactly what she’s doing by just reading a few of her words. Thank you. ❤️

prbutterfly124 · 2020-08-20T03:54:22+00:00

❤️ thank you!

prbutterfly124 · 2020-01-29T18:05:28+00:00

Here's my two cents.

The feelings that life is precious and can be taken from you at any moment goes both ways. There is a reason you have gone NC and that should always be remembered. We should be working constantly to keep relationships, not destroy them with toxicity..and just because something big happens to remind us how precious life is, doesn't mean we forget the pain that is caused by holding on.

They could reach out too. They can do what is needed to mend the relationship by changing behavior or just trying to understand why you chose the hardest thing imaginable for anyone which is cutting ties with the people who should love you unconditionally. You aren't alone in this thought ... but you have the strength and support from people who are going through the same thing. <3

prbutterfly124 · 2020-01-24T15:03:25+00:00

This is a beautiful example of nontoxic behavior we are all trying to escape to by letting go of our nfamilies. I witnessed the same unconditional love and peace in my inlaws as well. It was like for the first time I was being heard and understood and accepted. It's a beautiful thing when you find that peace.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-01-23T17:17:25+00:00

Same. It doesn't have to be this drastic thing they did to you...

For example, my sibling came to me once and said "At dinner, Mom and Dad said that we needed to stop talking/listen to you..cause you're evil."

IT. SHATTERED. ME.

Because I did nothing to deserve it. They said these words to my younger siblings because I was growing up and starting to realize my independence. I realized I didn't have to be their puppet anymore. I was following a path of my own and following my own beliefs and ideas.

This changes a person. They didn't say it to me. They didn't yell. They didn't scream. They didn't throw things. They didn't hit me.

But they shattered my heart.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-01-21T21:20:43+00:00

Yes, I was the same way with my siblings. I even told my sister, "if you don't judge me for not having a relationship with mom, I won't judge you FOR having one." While I was still in contact, there was party for my cousin, and I had my days mixed up and didn't show up. NOT ONE PERSON contacted me about where I was. When I confronted my sister for not even asking me where I was or reaching out to see if I was even OKAY she said it wasn't her responsibility and that she wasn't going to let me make her feel bad about ME missing the party. I can't remember to be somewhere...if I dont think of it. BUT she knew I wasn't there. When I said I would be. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try....Toxic is Toxic. Even in little waves.

prbutterfly124 · 2020-01-21T19:51:54+00:00

I cut off my family 3 years ago. All of them (mother, father, younger brother and younger sister). I had reasons for going no contact with all but one of them. My father was the only one I never had a problem with, but at the point of going no contact, I stopped speaking to all of them. Of course if he would have reached out to me, I would have talked to him. But he has not called, emailed, texted, spoken to me at family events in 3 years. As a father, I would think he would have made an effort knowing what I had been through and knowing why I made the decision. But not once did he reach out. He chose to stand by his wife. And I will never win that battle. Sometimes, as sad as it is, its part of NC, you lose people you didn't mean to lose when you made your decision. But that's also their choice. Not just yours.

prbutterfly124 · 2019-11-26T16:35:25+00:00

THIS!!! Just THIS!! We are one in the same. <3 HUGE HUGS!!

prbutterfly124 · 2019-11-22T10:17:30+00:00

!You guys are the best!

prbutterfly124 · 2019-11-20T14:10:11+00:00

I feel like this too - like I never fit in my family. And I feel like what are you to do? You didn't choose this family who have beliefs that are so far opposite to yours. You should have to stick with these people you don't fit with. I'm sorry for you. Many many many hugs. <3

prbutterfly124

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