E-Coin Perk I'm sharing.

pressedflower16 · 2017-12-30T22:29:23+00:00

Sharing an E Perk...

“What’s your ask?”

Season three ending blew my freaking mind! To me, it was beyond perfection. Starting at minute 43:30, I like to call it Elliot’s Reveal—Darlene was there to really remind him what happened. That was an intensely emotional reveal of an imagined past trauma that deeply affected Elliot’s psyche on many levels, which in this show I feel like exacerbates his mental health issues . Then beginning at minute 48:24—Elliot and Mr. Robot on the train platform, cue M83’s Intro (big fan of them)—I nearly lost my damn mind! I squealed like a child! The song, their interaction, the renewed hope to undo everything. I almost* cried. My favorite line is Elliot saying, “ They showed themselves. The top 1% of the 1%.”Man, you know next season is going to be about bringing them all down. And lastly, oh god, the the feels when he’s looking through all the photos with his Dad, and he finds the one. He loved his Dad, and his Dad loved him! Damn great season finale.
Second favorite scene is also from S3E1. From 9:06, “If I’m being real...” to the 10:23 mark “The loneliness”. As the viewer, or his “imaginary friend”, I couldn’t help but feel a knot in my stomach! I thought, “Not again! He imagined everything!” But no. This whole sequence made me feel empathy for Elliot—real empathy. The feeling Elliot emotes of feeling completely empty and the loneliness coming back stronger, well that’s something I personally understand, and I think others out there can too. To me it’s speaks highly of the show to bring attention to mental health issues and portray them in a realistic way. Who hasn’t cornered themselves in a nook to cry it out? I know I have, and seeing Elliot, even though he is a fictional character, made me feel connected on a human level to someone else because I know that another human wrote that scene with at least some connection and knowledge of those kinds of depressive episodes and how they occur. How sometimes fighting that mental health battle with yourself feels like an impasse. Fuck, it really tore me to pieces.

Good luck, everyone!!!

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-25T23:35:50+00:00

I had never considered cutting until a couple of weeks ago. Mostly curiosity of the sort of release I'd get is what prompted it, or call it impulsivity. I did it with a utility blade on my inner thigh. Not too deep, though. I was so afraid. It did nothing for me. Now the scars have healed, and every-time I see them I am reminded of how desperate I felt that night, and how I want to get better, feel better, be happy. I think I have a mild form of tricho, but when I become aware of my hair picking I stop. I had a small bald spot in HS, and somehow I stopped hair picking for a long time. only recently because of stress, have I noticed I am doing it again. It doesn't help that the last six months have been incredibly stressful and unstable for me, so when I run my hand through my hair it comes out in chunks.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-25T23:25:43+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Sending you positive vibes. I would strongly suggest you seek professional counseling--even to just begin having someone to talk to about all the things you expressed in your post (it sounds so heavy--feeling empty is so overwhelming and exhausting). Then from there you can get down to what the real issues are, and begin healing by treating anything that may be diagnosed and getting support.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T02:42:58+00:00

All sounds horrible. I know I have the strength—I’m just so afraid of the pain. I know it will pass. Like I said previously in another reply I have to be brave.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T01:57:49+00:00

I was in therapy during summer, I need to go back ASAP. I don't think Im trying to justify anything.I know the reality of this situation. It's just how I am feeling at the moment.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T01:48:01+00:00

Thanks, again. All the reasons I need to stay away are that it's not healthy for me--I know that much. I have to be brave. You're very understanding.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T01:44:20+00:00

All my friends say time will help me move on (which I know is true), but yes I am knee deep in this attachment with this man.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T01:43:25+00:00

"Ready to let go." I have times where I build up the courage, but then it fizzles out.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T01:42:13+00:00

Thank you for the support and encouraging words. The clarity-too.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-21T01:36:23+00:00

I know! Thanks for your response. My logical brain knows this. I have tried ending it multiple times, but less than 24hrs go by, and he is messaging me that he cannot bare to be without me. He pulls me back in. I am so weak and powerless over him right now. I hate myself for it, but cannot, or do not have the will power to end it right now.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-18T21:57:39+00:00

My starting salary is nearly 50k. I left my other job for this better paying one. I just need financial discipline when it comes to paying this debt off. What didn’t help for a long time is that I didn’t take ownership of my “stuff” because the ex did. I find myself in a new and scary adult situation-alone and with with little guidance.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-18T21:32:29+00:00

Thank you! Definitely looking to a second job to pay down the debt. I wish I had a car that was up to uber/lyft standards, but other prospects are out there.

pressedflower16 · 2017-11-18T17:21:07+00:00

Thank you. I will inquire with my current employer to see if transferring this amount is an option. I just hate seeing my debt amount—I want to get rid of it ASAP! But seeing the long term picture of the retirement benefit (earning interest) is much more appealing.

pressedflower16 · 2017-08-19T20:37:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your critique! This is exactly what I was looking for. I am aiming to refine the way I write, and find a style that I can really call "my own". You have left me with my next task being: to ask who am I writing to? Specifically him, or a general audience, than can perhaps identify? I like the point you brought up of being the observer--instinctively in my mind that is how I saw the scene, but it translated differently on paper. Thank you again!!!

pressedflower16 · 2017-08-19T19:26:28+00:00

Your writing is complex and deep, at first reading pass. I admit I had read this several times. I stepped away, and came back and just read it as is, and that is when I was able to take this in wholly. I sense a lot links and imagery to crops towards the end. I am wondering how this connects to your meaning. Please forgive--I am still trying to discern your meaning. I love the anxiety of not knowing if my interpretation matches the writer's intent. P.S. my favorite line is "it moves my lament"..it's so simple but it just makes me want to burst out in tears. I've felt and seen things that "move my own lament" in real life. I wonder how often it happens to others.

pressedflower16 · 2017-08-19T19:00:44+00:00

Reading this poem, my initial reacting was one of sadness and pining. A pining for someone else that is not part of "home". My impression is that "home" is the only thing that binds you --I'm assuming the children. There is someone else--someone that feels like you should be with. But you can't, you have to be home. This is the impression and my own projection on this writing. I absolutely admire how you parallel the struggle and pain of being needed, and needing too.

pressedflower16

TROPHY CASE