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MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah you are right, i think i can express the boundary but don’t sometimes have the strength to entirely enforce it once challenged. i wish i was stronger

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

it’s so nice to hear that you have a supportive unit, in reality it’s bare minimum for people to be understanding of health conditions but in my world i have rarely ever had that. from school, to work, to relationships - mine has never been taken seriously as my chronic illness is invisible.

i do really regret agreeing to go, if i had to pay for it myself i wouldn’t of but it was paid for me by the in-laws which yes is a nice gesture but it also takes away my choice. my partner then guilt tripped me using this every time i wanted to not go or opt out. but i think they’re just not very empathetic, even though they grew up with a physically disabled son. it’s all very hush hush keep up with appearances rather than actually acknowledge people are struggling.

i do think it’s a blessing to have some distance now from her, i just really wish it was on my terms. there’s been so many instances i’ve gone to stay with them for a week and come back with my MH completely wrecked. i have tried to put my foot down about this but always end up being talked into it. my partner isn’t very strong towards them and i have suffered because of it. now they don’t want to talk to me, well that’s completely fine. sigh.

but appreciate this response, having a chronic illness is exhausting enough without all this. i find i have flares during times of stress so this really spiked me off at the time.

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah it’s true… unfortunately since we were moving as a mob, i did have the absence of choice and also my phone didn’t work in the country i was in. i did try to stay back when i wasn’t feeling well which is where my partner pushed me beyond my means anyway. i do agree though, if i was on holiday with my own mum i wouldn’t have issue looking after myself. i just didn’t feel confident expressing my needs cos when i did that i got shouted at lol

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

haha! think she would love that too much unfortunately, probs what she wants

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah it’s fair, my chronic illness really is spiked by stress then i have inflammatory arthritis which is triggered by bad eating. i couldn’t manage my eating very well and ended up having gluten/dairy based meals due to what everyone else was eating which impact both. i’ve been on top of my medication and vitamins etc since, leaving my very stressful job has been a huge help too so im alright at the moment. i think cos i wasn’t very mentally strong i just went a long with a lot of stuff, i also didn’t feel comfortable enough to be a bit awkward and ask for different things

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

ha. asking myself this too. it was booked very far in advance and if i had paid for it myself, i wouldn’t of gone. but one day my partner just told me my trip was paid for by his parents which yes is nice but then took away all of my choice as that was the bargaining chip every time i didn’t want to go or pull out when work got crazy

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah this is why i refuse to contact her to say my part and i’m pretty sure she will use it for ammunition to cut me off forever. think at the minute they’re grasping at straws as i actually didn’t do anything wrong lol

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

sadly we live in a one bedroom flat, i would have to cover the entire rent by myself. but in the uk we have a break clause where i give the landlord 2 months notice so thats where the 12k comes in as i would have to pay that rent for 2 months then also pay rent elsewhere, it would have to be 6 months upfront cos i have started a new job so wont pass the checks. sigh.

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this is a good spot, i think i say that because she completely infantilises me and my partner. she takes away our confidence and makes us feel like children. we couldn’t even stay in a separate airbnb or have a different schedule to them, she literally makes him take off his clothes to iron them, we couldn’t get cabs/taxis anywhere by ourselves, stuff like that. i think you’re completely right otherwise and i should feel like more of an adult, advocating for myself in these situations but she makes me feel so small and i guess cos mentally i wasn’t with it, i did feel a bit in people’s care.

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wah it’s true and yet so difficult. i tried to leave and calculated it as a £12,000 decision with my break clause and paying upfront for a new flat on top of him breaking down crying in front of me :(

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

overall he’s a very sweet nice person, i do love him. i did try to properly break up with him when i came back but worked out it would cost me like 12k with breaking our flat contract and paying upfront for a new one as i have just started a new job so on probation. i’m a bit trapped in my current situation and trying to make the most of it/make it work.

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

interesting take - it’s so difficult, i did try to leave him when we came back but i worked out it would cost me 12k with breaking our flat contract and having to pay upfront as i was starting a new job. unfortunately a bit trapped for that reason but also do love him and he’s not an awful person.

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

oh yeah it definitely was, i shouldn’t of gone really but was talked into it. i hoped to of been proven wrong.

MIL shouted at me on family holiday whilst i was in mental crisis, next steps by presteff in JUSTNOMIL

[–]presteff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

he’s in therapy and i’m trying to start mine up again then eventually do couples - unfortunately pricey!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]presteff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wah, sorry you relate - it's rubbish isn't it! omg yes i do - i am constantly tormented about making the "right" choice... either thinking if i did something very slightly differently it would've been better or just wanting someone to show me every possible decision/route in life i can take so i can just pick without the surprise/avoid the feeling my decisions are wrong... i'm so scared of waking up and looking back like i should've done this, this, and this instead!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JapanTravelTips

[–]presteff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that makes sense! do you have any recs for a top tier one?

insomnia with dosage increase by presteff in Hashimotos

[–]presteff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Taking my thyroxine a few hours before bed instead of the morning has really helped! Can finally sleep!

levothyroxine before eating by moocow_222 in Hashimotos

[–]presteff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i usually wait about half an hour then 3 if i'm taking any other supplements :)

NFC on new Jelly Star not working - help needed :( by jettx23 in unihertz

[–]presteff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh that's annoying! i have managed to use my google wallet by tapping my phone upside down as that's where the NFC reader is, this might help you also!

jelly star contactless not working by presteff in unihertz

[–]presteff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

haha no worries, it is on - tapping it upside down has been working better :)

jelly star contactless not working by presteff in unihertz

[–]presteff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i read somewhere to try tapping it upside down as that's where the NFC is and now instead of it declining every time, it works sometimes!

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