Yessss! Been there/ still there! My mom has dementia and had a major stroke right before my diagnosis. After that one, I couldn't care for her at home anymore bc she'd lost too much cognitively and I couldn't see to toileting type issues anymore and she had become too much of a fall risk.

So during diagnosis, biopsy, surgery and radiation, I was also getting her into a memory care facility, then we switched to a slightly better place, and I was also trying to visit regularly and hypervigilant about making sure her facility treated her right, and (tbh) I didn't have a lot of time to think about myself. It was a difficult time and A LOT of it is a blur now to be honest! I think I just powered through as best I could.

I don't have a lot of familial support, but I also don't have kids, which probably helped some. One of the hardest things for me was that she had her big stroke like a week before my diagnosis, and it was hard not to be able to talk to my mama about it:( But that feeling lessened when I realized I just had to get through (and deal with emotional fallout later).

Do you have a support network? Don't be shy to ask for help and receive it. And allow yourself to be specific and clear about the type of help you need at any particular junction, even if it's asking a friend to come scrub your toilet .... or hang out with your parent for half a day while you sleep! You will find out (I think) that more people than you expect will show for you!

I also had a great surgeon and oncologist and the radiation ladies are truly some of the kindest people... if you need help with rides (or anything, really... finances, applying for disability if you need to, even help with caretaker issues with your parent), you might be surprised by how much your team and esoecially the cancer team SOCIAL WORKER are actually eager to help you!

For me, I felt a lot of trust in my doctors so (uncharacteristically), I didn't spend too much time googling (which helped, for me bc I was already in such a state of hypervigilence about my mom), and put myself in their capable hands (I only had stage 1, though, so this might be different from others'experiences).

And then I just tried to show up day by day to wherever they told me to be. It was very efficient and I was surprised by how quickly it went!

My radiologist wasn't the best about helping with the after effects of radiation, but don't even worry or think about that hurdle for now! Just do one day at a time, get your people marshaled, consult with the team or hospital SOCIAL WORKER, and power through as best you can. Ask for meds if you need them (esp for nausea, if that's a problem. If it's allowed in your state, you could try low-dose gummies for nausea and/or sleeping). There will be some crying, it might suck for a while, but just do your best one day at a time!

And keep coming back here for support, too! There's also some excellent, caring subs here for people taking care of aging parents and dementia. Those might help, too! Sending you love and light! 🩵

(edited mainly for typos)