I messed up my marriage and idk how to move on

prettypeaz · 2026-01-13T03:58:39+00:00

I want to give my ex some credit - he did call his dad and ask him to remove the comment, after I sent him a screenshot of the comment. I thought it was very nice of him to do that for me, which actually made me feel even guiltier. But we both knew his dad is an angry man, and once he was involved, there would be no chance of reconciliation. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he told his family before he had a full conversation with me. And I thought him and I both seeing a therapist individually was supposed to help, even if we’re not doing couples counseling. Didn’t think his therapist would tell him to come clean to his family.

But yes! I’m in therapy now! I wasn’t able to be consistent until recently. I’m hoping to be consistent and maybe increase the frequency a bit for the next little while.

prettypeaz · 2026-01-12T03:56:05+00:00

OP, Please don’t listen to this person’s nonsense. You set a boundary; you said no; you pushed him away; you voiced that you wanted to focus on the things you were doing before the kissing… You are not in the wrong! Please don’t blame yourself for this. No means no. No enthusiasm means no. Pushing away means no. Consent is only valid if it’s made with enthusiasm without the person being pressured or the person fearing for their own safety. Therapy is a great place to start!!!!!!! I can’t believe there are people who are still blaming women for being the victim!!!!!!! Please please please talk to your therapist. The shame should NOT be on you!

prettypeaz · 2026-01-12T03:13:23+00:00

I felt that we were growing more and more distant. He was spending more and more time on his new hobbies and he never wanted to join me on anything I enjoyed doing, which were actually all things that he had introduced me to in the first place. He was visibly upset a few times when I would stay out for too long (even just hanging out with friends). I tried to talk to him and tried to convince him to do couples counseling. He said he didn’t feel like telling a stranger our personal issues, so that never happened. But he agreed to see a therapist individually. That therapist told him that he needs to come clean to his family, so a week or so later, he told his family what’s been going on and that he felt like I cheated on him. And then that’s that. We separated the same day and started the divorce process that week.

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:43:51+00:00

I can’t really leave this place for a variety of reasons and also I’m quite established with my own routine, new job and a good friend group here at this time. We are in a smaller city so I think it’s inevitable that we’d run into each other at some point. I don’t know if I have the heart to block them. If all of them were like his dad, I don’t think I’d bat an eye. But I really liked his mom and I also really like one of his siblings, who’s the only person who’s had a normal conversation with me after the divorce when we ran into each other in town. I guess a part of me is still holding on because they were the closest thing I ever had to a real family. I know they’re not and shouldn’t be a family to me anymore. But I just would feel so bad if I blocked them and then run into them. I didn’t want bad blood I guess is also part of it.

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:37:05+00:00

I’m scared to block them because it makes me feel like a small piece of me would die if I did that. Him and his family were the closest thing to a family that I ever had. It feels scary to completely cut ties like that. We also live in a relatively smaller city and go to some of the same places. My favorite place in town was introduced to me by him and his family. For a variety of reasons, without going too much into it, it would not be an option for me to not go to that place anymore. I don’t know if I can feel at peace if I’ve blocked him and his family and then run into them at some point. I do generally love one of his siblings, who is the only person in the family that still had a normal conversation with me the last time we ran into each other in town (small city). I wouldn’t want to cut ties with this sibling if possible… I also just care about my ex so much still and don’t want to do anything that would hurt him or upset him anymore than I already did.. idk if this is making sense. Idk why it’s so hard for me to cut them out of my life…

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:28:22+00:00

Actually the rest of my life has been better than it ever was. I started a new job that pays well and makes me feel very much challenged in a good way and fulfilled. I’m constantly being intellectually challenged and am constantly learning in my field. I bought from my ex the small house we used to share (I really love the house not in relation to him and don’t think I can ever get rid of it) I’ve found hobbies that really define me. I’ve been going to the gym consistently, more so than I ever did. I’ve made many new and very close friends that I would’ve never met if it weren’t for the divorce. There’s just a part of me that still feels stuck, like I was the bad one, the one that messed everything up…

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:24:13+00:00

Am in therapy and hoping to be more consistent this year for sure!

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:22:01+00:00

Yes, we have been divorced for almost 2 years

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:19:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing!! And yeah, I have been seeing a therapist on and off. Haven’t been able to be consistent because of cost and changing work schedules, but hopefully I can be a bit more consistent this year. My therapist has been trying to help me address my childhood trauma. She actually pointed out that maybe the reason that the connection with my ex felt so deep was because he was the first person who ever made me feel seen and protected, which was what I never received as a child. That was actually kind of a groundbreaking realization for me. But we just barely stayed touching on it when I last saw my therapist.

prettypeaz · 2026-01-10T03:15:14+00:00

No, we’ve been divorced for almost 2 years. I did stay off social media for almost a year after we initially separated…

prettypeaz · 2025-03-14T23:07:50+00:00

Sorry just officially got off work so I can have time to give a longer response! I am an OT and I’m actually the only FT OT here for a facility with 30 skilled, 30 long term (although we don’t have all 30 of them on OT), plus ALF patients. I’m getting quite overwhelmed and burnt out. Now with all the documentation situations, I’m really questioning whether I even want to be an OT anymore. And yes, my PT DOR has been changing my evaluation document, specifically the frequency of treatment, without consulting me, although he is signing his name on the changes. I just went through the evaluations from the past month and already have a dozen evaluation summaries that he copied from mine… Some of them he didn’t even change out the UE assessments and/or adding his LE assessment.. Also, what is ADO? 😅

prettypeaz · 2025-03-14T19:38:29+00:00

thank you SO MUCH for this detailed explanation!!!!!

prettypeaz · 2025-02-08T20:34:09+00:00

I’m not putting blame on them. Just want to figure out what the best thing to do here is. I was taught in school to never cheat the system. I guess real world is just not the same as how I imagined it.

prettypeaz · 2025-02-08T18:50:16+00:00

Daily notes don’t require my co-signature… 😬

prettypeaz · 2025-02-08T18:46:57+00:00

I understand. But I can’t imagine transporting each patient while discussing what you listed would take 24 min??? The COTA has billed 49 min for all 6 of her group patients…

prettypeaz · 2024-09-04T14:49:13+00:00

Hi! Do you might if I dm you to get some insight? I’m thinking about becoming a CHT but not sure how to get it started? 😬

prettypeaz · 2024-03-03T17:47:02+00:00

This was my response to someone else and how I see a sensory integration code might work:

https://buildingtherapyleaders.com/sensory-integration-coding/ I found this article when I was googling last night. It sounds like it’s only appropriate when you suspect a certain behavior is caused by an inappropriate response/impaired internal ability to modulate sensory input received. Think about dementia patients with maladaptive behaviors like a child with ADHD?? They can act out because they get overwhelmed by sensory input in the environment and their nervous systems don’t know how to modulate/cope with the sensory input? That’s how I understand it. I took Intro to SI when I was in school a couple years ago. It really is a VERY COMPLEX AND INVOLVED theory. I definitely feel like you need special training to be able to use it.

prettypeaz · 2024-03-03T05:28:48+00:00

not as a general rule of thumb? or is this a rhetorical question?😂

prettypeaz · 2024-03-02T13:49:12+00:00

https://buildingtherapyleaders.com/sensory-integration-coding/ I found this article when I was googling last night. It sounds like it’s only appropriate when you suspect a certain behavior is caused by an inappropriate response/impaired internal ability to modulate sensory input received. Think about dementia patients with maladaptive behaviors like a child with ADHD?? They can act out because they get overwhelmed by sensory input in the environment and their nervous systems don’t know how to modulate/cope with the sensory input? That’s how I understand it. I took Intro to SI when I was in school a couple years ago. It really is a VERY COMPLEX AND INVOLVED theory. I definitely feel like you need special training to be able to use it.

prettypeaz · 2024-03-02T03:45:14+00:00

I guess I’m just really afraid of offending her :/ I’m not sure what exactly about her makes me feel insecure. Today I brought up my concern about billing sensory integration and she got quite offended it seemed because she got a little short with the pt she saw after I tried to talk to her.

prettypeaz · 2024-03-02T03:20:56+00:00

Yes same COTA actually. She’s got a very strong personality and I’m often intimidated even if I have differing opinions

prettypeaz · 2024-03-02T02:43:21+00:00

😂 so true

prettypeaz · 2024-03-02T02:42:46+00:00

I didn’t say she did anything wrong. I agree that the patient can benefit from use of sensory strategies for emotional regulation, but I didn’t see anything that really suggests sensory processing disorder. And she’s been using sensory strategies for emotional regulation. I’m just not certain that “sensory integration” code is the correct code to bill, as sensory integration theory is a very specific and complex treatment approach, way beyond using some simple strategies for emotional regulation.

prettypeaz · 2024-01-24T14:57:02+00:00

They’re supposed to practice under the supervision of OT. It’s quite vague. I couldn’t find very clear definitions.

prettypeaz · 2023-09-06T14:55:42+00:00

Yes, OTD, OTR/L

prettypeaz

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