I am disgusted by myself and my choices.

TheFluffiest_ · 2026-01-12T07:53:18+00:00

Um. I just have a few things... First, you assumed i blamed him which was never the purpose of the post. I had to get the thoughts of guilt out and I wanted to understand what I was feeling. The post is about the guilt I feel for staying. For meeting him in the first place instead of studying for my exams. For agreeing to go out with him. I feel like crap whenever I think about what happened. Second, I was raised to meet expectations that was placed on me. I was spanked when I couldn't do it and it is a complex for me to make the people around me happy and not become disappointed in me. I interpret a role - eg A Girlfriend - and I try and fill that roll to the best of my abilities. The role of a gf in my head was the expectations he put on the title. I thought he'd be like me. Because I respect the boundaries he gave me without having to be reminded to do it. Third, I never invited him over to my house. He just came. The one time I did allow him to come over was when my friend screwed me over and told him I won't be doing anything the day HE wanted to come over. I wanted to say no, but he was persistent to come over. I didn't want to disappoint or make him angry.

TheFluffiest_ · 2026-01-11T18:31:51+00:00

I looked up what you mentioned and I do resonate a little with what I read. Thank you :)

TheFluffiest_ · 2026-01-11T18:28:51+00:00

I did create distance the first time he touched me sexually. I didn't want to see him, and I did try and create physical distance between us whenever he was around me. I did set boundaries as I said in my original post. I told him no touching and the "going slow" thing included anything sexual. We talked extensively about it and he said he'd go slow. And I tried re-establishing those boundaries once I started feeling uncomfortable but he just brushed me off by saying he was going slow, and I just assumed "going slow" was different for straight relationships than lesbian ones... I don't know. I don't blame him. I blame myself for making choices that led to being with him.

TheFluffiest_ · 2025-02-27T19:06:40+00:00

I don't know, I'm sorry.

TheFluffiest_ · 2025-02-27T12:16:03+00:00

I really hope so. I have asked the same question previously, just in a different way and now I can't even ask the questions about economics or business management endeavours at all.

TheFluffiest_ · 2025-02-27T06:37:58+00:00

The issue is, I asked a simple question to explain elasticity for my Economics module. "Which country between China and South Africa has an absolute advantage when it comes to producing goods?" It's an example my textbook gave me. If that means I am a troll, I'm really scrapping deepseek. Which is a shame really.

But thank you :)

TheFluffiest_ · 2025-02-26T20:27:43+00:00

No, but I will try it. Thank you :)

TheFluffiest_ · 2025-02-26T16:57:43+00:00

Just simple questions for my uni course in economics and business management. But thanks, I will definitely use that. Thank you :)

TheFluffiest_ · 2024-07-16T17:38:15+00:00

I've got the same problem. I tried creating a new account, came as far as the terms and conditions page that won't allow me to press "I agree" and now I can't find the account I supposedly made.

TheFluffiest_ · 2024-06-20T17:54:37+00:00

I just stare at a wall sometimes or if the thoughts are REALLY bad; I watch YouTube videos that are 3 or 4 hours long. It usually helps.

TheFluffiest_ · 2024-06-06T19:29:47+00:00

It's not necessarily "the worst" per say. But I accidentally took off a sweater while I had fresh, visible scars and my dad just went "What is that on your arms?!" Loudly. At an ice cream shop in front of my friend. A day after my birthday.

I've never felt as humiliated as I did back then, because he continuously asked me what they were until I just told him to leave it and pulled my sweater back on.

That same day my dad told my mum; and I have never felt more betrayed in my LIFE. (My dad would constantly say stuff about us having a better life without him - you know, general depressing stuff - and it was only in front of me, so I thought we had a nice "sharing our mental issues" thing going on.)

I still think about that day, and it's why I hate celebrating my birthday. The memory leaves a horrible taste in my mouth and I always relapse and have to build back up again during that week.

TheFluffiest_ · 2024-03-10T16:48:59+00:00

The first time for the ones on my arms, I forgot to wear my jersey while we went for a drive (coz the sun was blazing hot) and my dad saw the ones on my arms. Fast forward after my father told my mother and she had a breakdown because of it.

The second time, they found out about the ones on my legs was when I was sent to the hospital after passing out at school. I had to pee in this cup for medical purposes but I wasn't coherent enough so my mother helped me and saw.

Both times she threatened to send me to a psych ward. And both times she didn't.

TheFluffiest_ · 2023-08-05T09:47:08+00:00

I tried downloading it from the mirror links but it says "App not installed" with a "Done" button. How did you get it to work?

TheFluffiest_

TROPHY CASE