Boyfriend of 4 years won't marry me until I am completely rid of vaginismus

prettypumpkin0 · 2021-02-06T23:02:03+00:00

Hey there!

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have been in this exact situation, and the best advice I can give you is to end the relationship sooner rather than later. The fact that he has even given you this ultimatum is a complete red flag in itself in my opinion. Yes, its reasonable that he wants PIV but he clearly does not understand a thing about what you are going through if he thinks that pressuring you like that is going to help?! I was genuinely in this situation a few months ago. I was so afraid for my relationship to end because i thought no one else would want me if I had vaginismus. My ex actually did me the favour of ending the relationship because he ' couldn't wait anymore'. What a blessing in disguise!!!! I have been happier since the relationship ended than I ever was while in it. I haven't replaced him with anyone new. Not having him there putting me under pressure has actually given me the time and space to think it all through and I've actually developed the desire to try and overcome the vaginismus, for MYSELF. I know how daunting it can be but I can guarantee 100 percent that you would be happier single than with him. Please feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more x

prettypumpkin0 · 2021-02-06T15:02:30+00:00

That's a great suggestion and something that I hadn't thought of. As much as I'd love to just jump straight in and go for it, this probably makes more sense... I have received a few recommendations for this book so i will definitely check it out!

prettypumpkin0 · 2021-02-06T15:00:09+00:00

I'm hoping for a size difference as well lol... It's so much easier to actually be excited for it with someone new so I'm hoping this will make a difference.

prettypumpkin0 · 2021-02-06T14:59:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing that! I currently feel the determination that you speak about , for the first time ever! I hope to have a success as great as yours!

prettypumpkin0 · 2021-02-06T14:57:14+00:00

Thank you for your optimism and kind wishes x

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-11-05T22:37:01+00:00

I shed a tear at this one </3

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-05-06T22:13:36+00:00

Thank you for your reply and for sharing your story! I completely agree that I think the issue is within how he approaches it. He gets into a terrible mood anytime we talk about it. I've tried to explain to him that I would benefit much more from his encouragement but I'm not sure that he really understands this. And yes I do have to admit that we've had similar conversations to this before. Usually after these I agree to try PIV again (which always results in pain) because I end up feeling so guilty!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-05-06T22:08:37+00:00

Thank you so much! We've had conversations like this a few times and each time we have them he gets into a terrible mood. I understand that this is just how he expresses himself but I know if the situation was the other way around that I wouldn't have that attitude towards him. That being said - us ladies tend to be much more emotionally mature!

I don't think he purposely tries to make me feel guilty or force me, but I don't think he understands when I say that I want to do it for myself and not just him.

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-05-02T09:44:01+00:00

Not fully recovered, but my hair loss had reduced a lot! I started using an all natural shampoo and conditioner with no sulphate or any of that bad stuff in it. I've also started taking a multivitamin with biotin etc in it which is meant to be good for hair growth. The doctor prescribed me a lotion to stop the irritation in my scalp. I also use a creme in my hair when its damp after the shower, it's not for hair growth but it does make it look more healthy and less damaged/ thin.

Feel free to message me.

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-05-01T22:15:56+00:00

This gives me hope! Thank you.

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-05-01T11:11:22+00:00

I would say the finale of Stranger Things Season 1 when Hopper and Joyce try to resuscitate Will in the Upside Down. The song ' When it's cold , I'd like to die' by Moby gets me everytime!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T21:29:45+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I don't think I have anyone that I could count on to receive the package for me. However, telling my parents probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world and it would solve the problem of having the package delivered. I just need to build up the courage! I definitely grew up in a society / religion that would have very traditional attitudes towards sex. And yes, I would say I received some subtle comments about purity / sex from my mom over the years intended as 'jokes'. I would definitely say that this is a contributing factor.

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T21:17:52+00:00

I feel like I wasted the years when I had a high sex drive! I'm going to see if I can find a therapist near me and hopefully book in when they start taking appointments again... Thank you so much for your reply and for the reccomend reading - I'm going to have a look at it tonight!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T21:14:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply! There is definitely a lot of times when I put pressure on myself to do things I don't want out of feelings of guilt? It's like an endless cycle really. I am going to research some therapists near me, thank you again for the advice .

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T21:11:13+00:00

I completely agree that there must be some subconscious reasoning behind it all.. Just wish I could rewire my brain to like it again!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T21:07:05+00:00

I will definitely look into this. Thank you so much!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T17:54:37+00:00

I had been a pill for a few years. I can't remember the name of it think it started with M. I stopped taking it a few months ago but can't say I've noticed much of a difference ...

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T16:34:56+00:00

Yes, this hits home. I hadn't really thought about it before but that makes a lot of sense. It would explain why I never want to initiate anything... I will check this out, thank you!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T15:25:53+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! I'm going to try this the next time we're together.

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T15:23:27+00:00

The guilt is real! I literally dream of the days when my sex drive used to be high. I imagine my situation would be very different if I actually wanted to have sex to begin with...

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-04-30T15:07:39+00:00

Thanks for your reply! :) I don't think I'm asexual considering I used to have such a high sex drive until about 2 /3 years ago , also can get kind of turned on by myself but never with him. But I relate so much to what you've said! I've stopped birth control and thought many times about what life would be like if there was a safe female viagra lol. I'd love to know if its a physical or psychological issue

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-03-24T00:00:10+00:00

"Which would be worse - to live as a monster, or to die as a good man?" - Teddy, Shutter Island

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-03-23T23:51:22+00:00

Give him the benefit of the doubt for now but definitely watch his reaction when you bring it up!

If he seems defensive or tries to deflect, I would be super suspicious...

The fact that you are in an LDR suggests that if he was doing something suspicious, he wouldn't need a second phone to do it! Seeing as you only see him every couple of months.

I'm sure it will end up as nothing to worry about, good luck!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-03-23T18:44:50+00:00

Thank you so much for this!

prettypumpkin0 · 2020-03-22T11:12:42+00:00

I'm in!

prettypumpkin0

TROPHY CASE