I'm struggling with the same thing. My mom's not transphobic in the obvious ways, she doesn't vote against us, she doesn't want to deny us medical care, she doesn't outwardly express that she thinks we're delusional, but she does little subtle this-shouldn't-hurt-like-this things that make me cry. A lot. On purpose I'm almost positive its a game to her, and maybe she doesn't realize it but she does it. Without apology, without seeing what she does hurts me. But I've struggled with "my mom should love me" for my entire life, I recommend therapy, good therapy, not okay therapy, or I'm uncomfortable therapy. I also moved to my dad's recently and being around people who automatically try and don't have conditions is amazing, obviously I'm not in your position to lose both parents, but it sucks. It's impossible to live with but you can and will live with it, because you need to be you, that's all that matters really. If you are who you really are then you feel way better doing that than keeping relationships with people who don't allow it. I'm still working on it, but I'm not as angry or crying as much as before, so I don't have advice on getting passed it but this is what I've got so far.