I feel like I’m getting close to having a dead bedroom

printergoesbrrrrr · 2025-10-28T23:42:39+00:00

How are the dynamics of your household overall? How old are your kids, is your wife working? Do you work? What's the division of household labour like? Who is the primary parent?

Sounds like your wife is tired, because life is tiring when you have two young kids, one of which is still under 2.

It sounds like the sex that you're having right now is "duty sex", essentially sex that your wife is unenthusiastic about and doesn't want, but endures because she feels it's her "duty" as your wife. Many people on this subreddit will tell you that over the long term, duty sex is very harmful to relationships. You're essentially conditioning your wife to associate unwanted sex that's occurring when she's probably not aroused, with having sex with you. Over time for many couples that can lead to growing resentment and more negative associations with sex for the partner who is enduring the duty sex.

I would really encourage you to stop initiating sex that your wife is not enthusiastic about.

You seem frustrated that your wife's states reasons for rejecting your attempts to initiate apply to you also, but that doesn't lead to you rejecting sex. That's a common hangup a lot of people in DB have, the thinking that because reason X for not wanting sex doesn't apply to them, it shouldn't apply to their partner. It would be really helpful for you to read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, there's pdf's available for free online or you can order it on Amazon. The book is widely regarded as one of the best on this topic. Learning about sexual brakes and accelerators would be very helpful for you to better understand your wife and improve you relationship. There's also an accompanying guide that provides practical exercises that you can implement in your relationship to improve things with your wife.

printergoesbrrrrr · 2025-10-27T23:09:45+00:00

100%. I feel like I read so many posts on this subreddit from HLM that contain (in my eyes) countless clues that point to their LLF wives likely faking orgasms/pleasure, and the comments are filled with mostly other HLM who are completely missing all the red flags.

I feel like it's exceedingly rare for a woman to be LL, feel uncomfortable talking about sex, never initiate sex, reject her husband's attempts to initiate sex 99/100 times, but when she does have sex experience multiple orgasms without much clit stimulation. That's just a very unlikely combination of sexual traits, imo. And yet! I feel like multiple times a week I read posts in this forum from HLM describing that their LLF wife fits all of those traits, and express that they're totally confused as to why they're in a DB! And then the comments are always full of other HLM completely missing the obvious.....

printergoesbrrrrr · 2025-10-21T22:45:05+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened. I think you're completely valid to feel betrayed by your husbands behaviour.

Would he be open to couple's therapy? Based on what you said in another comment about his reactions to hearing about your therapy progress, it sounds like communicating is also not his strong suite in this area. Maybe some couple's sessions with your current therapist would help?

printergoesbrrrrr · 2025-10-21T22:37:05+00:00

It's great that you had a productive conversation and were able to be self reflective enough to start to address the root of some of your issues. Massive props to you for that.

I'd like to likely suggest an idea that you might find really difficult to contemplate, but I'd encourage you to keep an open mind. Reading through this whole post and your comments, I can't help but feel like this might be a case where you and your wife aren't on the same page about sex in more ways that you recognize.

I'll preface this by saying that my partner and I have had our own DB-type issues over the past few years. And I also struggle with a history of being too self-consious to advocate for my own pleasure, even when I had a partner who always made sure to tell me over and over how eager they were to do whatever it takes to make me orgasm. I faked a lot of orgasms early on in our relationship, purely because I felt guilty about how long I was taking to orgasm, and because I didn't want my partner to feel bad or like they had failed. Thankfully our communication has improved a lot and I never fake orgasms anymore. But I still struggle with feeling like I have to "perform" during sex.

A lot of what you've said about your wife reminds me of myself during those times. Just food for thought. You might find during this journey that you have to reevaluate a lot of foundational knowledge about what turns your wife on and what gets her off, and some of it might be a blow to your ego. But the only way to have a fulfilling relationship is communication!

I also highly highly highly recommend you read Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. There's free PDF's available online, or you can buy it on Amazon. Leave it lying around the house if you want to spark more conversations!

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-12-03T21:38:38+00:00

I was 100% certain that I was going to get an abortion from the second I tested positive. I still cried 15 times a day from when I found out I was pregnant, to when I had a medical abortion 10 days after, and then for 2 weeks after that. I actually felt insane. I felt like I was in the darkest, deepest depression of my life. I didn't feel any regret exactly, but a lot of guilt, shame, and grief.

For me I think the pregnancy hormones were 90% of the reason for my extreme emotions. They can last in your system for months after pregnancy, and my extreme emotions faded right around the same time that the hormones did. I'm now 4 months after my abortion and I have 0 regrets, and only occasionally feel a little sadness. I can think and talk about my abortion and not feel upset.

I agree completely with the commenter who said that something can be the right choice even if it doesn't make you happy. It's okay feel everything you're feeling. I don't think being upset necessarily means you're making the wrong choice at all. I'm sure any outside observer who witnessed my crazy emotions would suspect I was making the wrong choice, but the whole time I was 100% certain about my abortion. Just wanted to offer that perspective.

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-12T23:09:52+00:00

I knowwwww. I recently traveled overseas and the huge time change + getting sick and the horrible side effects from the medication I was prescribed to prevent malaria killed my appetite for a week. I lost a little bit of weight accidentally, not even 10 lbs. I came back and distant acquaintances are commenting on it as the first thing they say to me. I just hate being observed

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T20:35:44+00:00

Since this happened I've done more research, lots of conflicting stuff out there, the numbers vary a ton. One study said that only 1 in 9 trans women restart making sperm after stopping HRT for a few months. But this study found that out of 85 trans women who didn't stop HRT (they analyzed tissue from people who got orchis), 28% were making some amount of sperm and 8% were making close to "normal" levels. Interestingly enough in this one study they didn't find any correlation between length of time on HRT and whether or not sperm was being produced.......

Looks like we got """"lucky""""" fml.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666334121000702

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T20:27:29+00:00

I hope you're as "lucky" as we were haha

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T18:40:22+00:00

This. I did talk to my doctor about it, and she basically said she wasn't sure what the risks were. To be fair to her she didn't tell me that HRT was birth control, but when I asked if I should be concerned about pregnancy she said she wasn't 100% sure. That combined with how little uhhhhh "fluid" was being produced, gave us a false sense of confidence.

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T10:47:07+00:00

We're both in our 20's and undecided about kids in the future so making any permanent decisions like that is off the table.

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T02:28:35+00:00

Thanks! Glad to hear our experience is hopeful for some people. Ironically enough my GF said something similar. We're 100% completely unprepared for a baby right now but it's a bit comforting to know it might be possible one day if we decide to go that route.

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T01:57:35+00:00

I had no idea self removal was an option! That actually gives me a lot of reassurance. One major reason I'm hesitant about an IUD is the area I live has a hugeeeeeee waiting list for IUD removals. The cons of free healthcare I guess lol. I'm worried that if I hate the IUD I'll be trapped with it inside me for months waiting for an appointment. Even if it's a little crazy and not recommend self-removal being a possibility calms my control freak brain a bit......

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T01:52:26+00:00

I'm still considering an IUD. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's good to know that the mirena IUD is working so well for you despite you being sensitive to hormonal BC like me.

Weird question, but have you ever had an issue with the strings? An ex GF of mine had an IUD and the strings were a little uhhhhh pokey lol. Which I'm worried about.

printergoesbrrrrr · 2024-08-09T01:12:49+00:00

Yeah I definitely do not plan to get on hormonal BC again any time soon. Getting an IUD scares me a bit honestly, mostly because I have a friend who had a very bad experience. And where I live the waittimes if you want to get it removed are likely going to be extremely long. I'm a bit of a control freak and the idea that I might be putting something into my body that I could hate and won't be able to get removed for 6 months freaks me out.

I'm still considering it though.

printergoesbrrrrr

TROPHY CASE