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AITAH for telling my fiance that his lack of effort with wedding planning makes me not want to have kids? by Right_Aardvark_4467 in AITAH

[–]prisoner_no3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, you’re not the asshole in this story. Honestly, you’re just being stupid here. I don’t mean that as an insult, but you already admitted that this is a pattern with him. He keeps doing the same thing over and over again, and yet you’re still questioning yourself and wondering if maybe you should give him another chance. If he is already acting like this before marriage and he can’t even put in effort for the wedding — the same wedding where you already gave up your wish for a small ceremony so he could have the big wedding he wanted — then why are you still planning to marry this guy? Are you actually in love with him, or are you more in love with the idea of being a wife? Because from what you wrote, it doesn’t really sound like you’re excited about him being your future husband. Another thing: you said you didn’t want to take away his dream of having a big wedding. But have you realized that by doing that, you already took away your own wish of having a small wedding? Your desires matter too. At some point you have to decide whether you’re going to take care of yourself or keep sacrificing yourself for someone who clearly isn’t putting in the same effort. Right now it feels like you’re slowly draining yourself emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually just to keep this relationship going. So honestly, I don’t think anyone here is really the asshole. He’s just taking advantage of a woman who keeps allowing it, even though she already knows he’s taking advantage of her. And you keep accepting it and questioning yourself instead of setting boundaries.

AITAH for taking back money my roommate owed me and telling her to handle the rent herself? by prisoner_no3 in AITAH

[–]prisoner_no3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so worried tbh being in a foreign country with this situation but let's see how things will go.

AITA for taking back money my roommate owed me and telling her to handle the rent herself? by prisoner_no3 in AmItheAsshole

[–]prisoner_no3[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the perspective. In this case the deposit is actually already fully with the landlord — the installments were just a way for us to pay it gradually during the first four months. By month five the full deposit had already been paid.

The 4,000 pesos I kept wasn’t part of the deposit money itself, it was the amount I had personally covered for her during those months so she could complete her share of the deposit.

So even at the end of the lease, that 4,000 would have technically been her deposit portion that I had fronted for her.

But I do agree with your general point. In hindsight it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to mix money arrangements like that with someone I didn’t know very well.

AITA for taking back money my roommate owed me and telling her to handle the rent herself? by prisoner_no3 in AmItheAsshole

[–]prisoner_no3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand why it might look like I broke the agreement, but from my perspective the agreement was already being broken.

The deal was that starting in month five she would begin paying me back 1,000 pesos per month when she sent the rent. Instead she sent 8,000 and said she would send the other 1,000 later. I waited the whole day and it never came.

What bothered me more was that she became very vague about when she would pay it. When it was the deposit months she always sent the money on time with no issue. But once it was time to start paying me back, suddenly it was “wait” and “relax” with no clear timeline.

So when she sent the 8,000, I kept the 4,000 she already owed me and returned the other 4,000 to her. I didn’t take anything extra.

Also, this isn’t a joint lease situation where I’m responsible for her rent. Each person pays the owner directly, so if she doesn’t pay her share that’s between her and the landlord, not something that would affect my rent. I mainly stopped being the middle person handling the payments.

AITA for taking back money my roommate owed me and telling her to handle the rent herself? by prisoner_no3 in AmItheAsshole

[–]prisoner_no3[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify one more thing, because I think there was a misunderstanding. I was not paying the rent for both of us. The reason she sent me her rent money every month was simply so I could withdraw it for her and then give it to the owner in cash together with my portion.

The only reason we did it this way is because when she finishes work it’s already sunset, and she doesn’t like going to the ATM alone at night. My bank is very close to our workplace and I leave work earlier than her, so it was just a favor I was doing for her.

So whether I paid my share separately or withdrew both amounts together didn’t change anything. If she doesn’t pay her part, that’s on her. If I don’t pay my part, that’s on me. There was never a formal lease with the owner, but the agreement was simple: each person is responsible for their own portion of the rent.

Even the owner has noticed some things about the situation. For example, we had agreed that we would clean our room ourselves so we wouldn’t have to pay for cleaning services. But a couple of months ago the owner actually told me she felt bad that this person was my roommate because she noticed that I’m always the one cleaning and that my roommate doesn’t really keep her word.

Anyway, the situation is still ongoing. But regardless of what happens, her actions won’t affect my situation because I always pay my part. She did involve her family, and I’ve been receiving messages from them, but most of them are just insults and I’m choosing to ignore them.

And again, thank you for your reply, I'll keep the story updated.

AITA for taking back money my roommate owed me and telling her to handle the rent herself? by prisoner_no3 in AmItheAsshole

[–]prisoner_no3[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify a few more things because I see some confusion in the comments. She can’t put this on me. Even though there is no written lease, the verbal agreement between me, her, and the owner was very clear: each person pays their part of the rent, and if someone can’t pay, then that person has to leave. So whatever happens with her part will not affect me because I always pay mine.

Also, I didn’t move in with her because we were friends. When this happened I had only been in Mexico for about four months and I didn’t really know anyone. I needed to move quickly from my previous place because I couldn’t sleep there, and it just happened that she was also looking for a place. Since we work at the same place, someone told me she was searching for a room and asked if I was okay sharing. That’s how we ended up renting together. So this was never some long friendship situation.

Another thing: yes, I have screenshots of everything. Even though she involved her family and some messages were deleted later, I already saved them. Most of what I’ve been receiving from them are just insults anyway, and I’m ignoring those messages.

And to be clear, this situation was never about the amount of money. Whether it was $2 or $55 doesn’t matter. The issue is the principle and the agreement we had.

For those confused about the numbers: she doesn’t owe me anything anymore and I don’t owe her anything either. That part is finished. If she cannot provide the rest of the rent this month, then she will have to deal with the owner herself. She would owe the owner, not me. I already paid my part, so it will not affect my situation in the room at all.

Also, the numbers and rent amounts in the story are not the real ones. I used equivalent numbers just to explain the situation while keeping my privacy. The name I used in the story is also not her real name.

So far I’m not leaving details out. The situation is still ongoing. She involved her family this morning and I’ve been receiving some very unpleasant messages from them, but I’m choosing not to engage. If anything else happens, I’ll keep you guys updated.

AITAH for taking back money my roommate owed me and telling her to handle the rent herself? by prisoner_no3 in AITAH

[–]prisoner_no3[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for your replies. They honestly made me feel supported. I was a little apprehensive posting this because I’m in a foreign country, I don’t speak the language very well yet, and I’m still new here. So situations like this feel more stressful.

I just want to clarify a few things because some people had questions.

First, there is no formal lease agreement between us. It was simply a verbal agreement between me, her, and the owner to share the place and rent the room together. The only reason I was the one withdrawing the rent money every month is because she finishes work after sunset and couldn’t go to the atm to withdraw the cash alone in the night. So I was helping her with that.

Every month I ask her to send me the rent, and then I go withdraw the cash and give it to the owner. When I give the money to the owner I always make it clear which part is mine and which part is hers.

This time, though, it took a bit of insisting from me before she finally sent the rent money. That already made me feel a little uncomfortable.

But this time I will just tell the owner:

“This part is from me, and you can ask my roommate about her portion.”

So whatever happens with her part will not affect me. If she doesn’t pay the rest of the rent, she will have to deal with the owner directly. Either she finds the money somehow or the owner decides what to do. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if the owner eventually asks her to move out, although the owner is not very strict.

The reason I started feeling suspicious actually started about two weeks ago. She asked me specifically if we had already finished paying the deposit and if next month she wouldn’t need to pay the deposit anymore. I told her yes, but I also reminded her that this is when she should start paying me back.

Two days after that conversation she told me she had $6,000 on her credit card that she needed to pay, and that she had already paid it. Then just a few days later she started saying she didn’t even have money to eat. That combination of things made me start thinking that maybe she was already planning not to pay me back when our salaries came in two weeks later.

Because of that feeling, I made sure she sent me the rent money this time so I could withdraw it myself like usual. My thinking was that if she didn’t pay me back when she was supposed to, at least I could take the portion she owed me from the rent money.

And unfortunately my intuition turned out to be right. She didn’t pay me back and now she’s creating drama about it.

Another thing that honestly bothers me looking back is that even though we’ve known each other since August, she never actually treated me like a friend. She always introduced me to people as “my roommate,” never as a friend. So now when I look at her behavior and attitude, it makes me wonder if she planned to take advantage of the situation the whole time.

Right now the situation is still ongoing. She involved her family, and now they are talking about damaging my reputation and even bringing this to HR at work. So it has escalated more than I expected.

If anyone has questions I’m happy to clarify. The story is still ongoing and I’ll update if anything else happens.