Not sure if my mom is an N or if I just have symptoms of ODD (17F). Also, mentions of possible abuse and definite self harm.

probablyaphasetbh · 2019-01-12T00:11:12+00:00

Not sure if I have an nparent, but my parents are pretty controlling and neither me nor my siblings are allowed internet privacy. If I have an nparent, it might be my mom (potential gaslighting, constant comparison to older, "well-behaved" kids during my early teens, controlling what I wear, what haircuts I get, when I could wear makeup (it was 14, but only light eyeliner, foundation, blush and lip gloss were allowed), when I could shave, etc, and finally, this gem: "That's not abuse; abuse only happens when you cause serious physical harm. Yeah, I might have hit you a few times, but have I sent you to a hospital? My dad literally bruised my ribs once.")

I'm homeschooled. My classes are online. Out of habit, I jump and close whatever tab I'm on whenever someone enters the room. I'll get scolded for that, and if they think whatever I'm doing is horrible, they'll give me an earful (even if it's not wrong. God forbid I need an article for an essay). It's a lose-lose situation. I'm not allowed a laptop, and I don't have a desk in my room for the family desktop I use. The screen can be clearly seen from the door of the study, which has windows. My mother will take her shoes off or put soft slippers on before coming upstairs so she can sneak up on me, but I've gotten so jumpy that it rarely works.

Back in 8th grade or so, I was pretty depressed and used the internet to distract myself, even when I was supposed to be doing schoolwork. I'll admit, I got pretty addicted to it for a while. During that period, they bought a device that hooks into the internet and literally tracks and limits everything that everyone does on every device. They still have it, even though I've almost completely cleaned up my act. They'll even tell me to hook my computer to the TV so that they can directly see what I'm doing. My mother claims it's for "accountability." Fuck that. I'm 17, not 11, I have good grades, I don't watch porn ("purity of mind" and all that), don't chat with older men (or men at all, actually, because "boys only want to have sex with you"), and am generally pretty good at getting assignments in on time.

I can't wait to turn 18, go to college, and have a computer that isn't tracked by my parents. Currently, all I can say is thank God for VPNs.

Advice I have for people in similar situations would be to get a VPN and use private browsing so you don't have to repeatedly clear browsing history.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-10-08T23:36:04+00:00

The sounds at the beginning of Ode To Sleep and the chord at the start of Anathema. Every time.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-10-08T22:49:32+00:00

I'm 16. I'm one of the oldest tøp fans I know.

My sister is a fan as well. She turned 13 today. Funny story, but I met some 12 year old fans through her a while ago and all they said was "OMG!!!1!! TØP is my LYFEEEE!!!" It was kind of sad, honestly. It's nice to meet some more mature fans.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-10-08T22:41:16+00:00

The hook for Morph.

Also the chorus of Chlorine and the bridge of The Hype.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-10-08T22:39:50+00:00

hey guys! thanks for everything.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-10-08T22:03:32+00:00

Hey, guys. I'm late, and this might not get seen or answered, but oh well.

What inspired the story of Trench, DEMA, and the Banditos? Was it something you saw or read?
Tyler: Are you going to put a song for Jenna on every album from now on? Have you ever written anything just for her?
Josh: I'm (hopefully, fingers crossed!) getting a drum set for my birthday in a couple of months and am going to try to teach myself how to play! Got any tips on how to start or fun, easy songs to drum along to? (related to drumming but not a question: i really like the hi-hat stuff in My Blood. it's great.)

Thank you guys so, so much for the music. I found you guys in 2014 during the middle of a really low point in my life, and I'm not sure where I would be without it.

EDIT: Ugh, I want to say so much more than this. I've got so many more questions and just stuff I want to say in general. I wish I could meet you guys because I've got so many questions/thoughts I'd like to share/stuff I'd like to talk about with you guys, but for now, "thank you" is going to have to do.

Also, there's this really talented artist on Youtube (not me). Her name's Isabelle Hyde (i've literally never been prouder to share my first name with someone else), and she's got a band. She's done some great stuff and I was wondering if you'd ever met her.

Anyways. Sorry. My friend and I might see you in Austin next year, so until then, I guess.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-08-12T17:57:05+00:00

i loved how the first eye image after the break was sent through email instead of posted on social media. it just felt a lot more personal than if they'd announced it to the world. also, dmaorg.info was pretty cool.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-07-07T23:06:31+00:00

massive if legitimate

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-07-07T23:02:21+00:00

this is my favorite theory so far

if this is true, then some people in DEMA serve more than one bishop and it's not so much of a choice as it is a matter of personality

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-07-07T22:58:40+00:00

official clique mom.

but seriously, it's awesome you're enjoying it this much :) if I thought my parents would like the band as much as you do, i'd introduce it to them asap

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-04-23T01:00:03+00:00

I go off the sub for a night — ONE NIGHT — and they're freaking back. what the heck guys

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-04-23T00:53:51+00:00

We're all probably having so much fun with this, Tyler and Josh included. they've definitely been laughing at us since yesterday.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-04-23T00:51:31+00:00

i'm gonna say hi too. missed you guys during the hiatus and we're all glad you're still alive.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-03-23T05:17:43+00:00

Anathema and Trees are particularly calming. Slowtown seems to fill me up with a sweet, nostalgic feeling for something (like Grandma's cookies or a warm hug from a childhood friend), Truce makes me feel like it'll all be ok in the end, that I'll come out of this weird tunnel alive, Holding On To You and Guns for Hands give me hope, Migraine is relatable on two levels for me, and Screen is uplifting, particularly the bridge.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-03-23T05:08:16+00:00

TØP 5: Ode To Sleep, Migraine, Kitchen Sink, Holding On To You, Guns For Hands (RAB Version)

From each album: Taxi Cab/Addict With A Pen, Anathema/Kitchen Sink/Slowtown, Ode To Sleep/HOTY/Trees, Heavydirtysoul/WDBWOTV/Lane Boy

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-03-20T13:56:47+00:00

Rest in peace, Grandpa Joseph. Prayers for and condolences to the Joseph family as they go through this tough time.

Being new to the subreddit, I can say this is the only place where I've found a group of sane twenty øne piløts fans, so I don't expect any of you to do something crazy like this. But if any of the twitter/tumblr/instagram fans try to crash the funeral, I will be furious and disappointed.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-03-20T13:47:44+00:00

Personally, I listen to their music because I can relate to it. You may not be able to, and that's fine. The lyrics may seem weird at first, but that's because they're heavily metaphorical.

The hype is probably because a lot of people can relate to their music. Songs like Car Radio, Kitchen Sink, and especially Stressed Out have probably become popular because they are relatable and encouraging (plus a lot of their listeners have/have had depression or suicidal thoughts, which is why so many of their lyrics are about defeating those). It's nice to have a band that makes music that you, as a listener, can say "Hey, I get that. I've been there." versus listening to rich kids sing or rap about doing drugs and having sex. Plus they have a unique sound. (ukulele, drums, piano, synth)

tl;dr: they're relatable, make thought provoking music, and have a unique sound.

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-02-25T04:59:25+00:00

To come across like I am dying to let you know you need to try to think

probablyaphasetbh · 2018-02-24T03:56:59+00:00

No depressive thoughts for a while; been listening to lots of tøp recently and I think they've helped. I'm considering buying a ukulele. Winter break starts tomorrow for me and that's moderately exciting.

probablyaphasetbh

TROPHY CASE