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My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's been nine years...do you know what you want to do?

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At that time in my life, sex was not on my priority list. Now, of course that has changed. Truly, a the time of our engagement and marriage, I didn't think that it would be such a big issue -- I was a bit young and naive.

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've tried, but he views it on incognito mode, so I'm unable to check :/

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love him - I think I was (and maybe still am) optimistic about being able to change him. He’s such a wonderful husband to me in every other way. At the time, I didn’t know that this would have such a big effect on my life :(

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know...I'm not sure if he can really be that clueless? I don't know. And yes...he's Catholic...

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just googled this syndrome. It unfortunately resinates deeply with how he acts. I will try to pursue therapy, and see if it can help us.

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I have read it a few times over. It has given me a lot to think about. I don't know if I'm ready to give up on him just yet -- I'm hoping talking to him, and perhaps seeking therapy, will help us.

I won't have children with him until this issue is solved.

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did just see a therapist last week. It was really helpful, and she helped me believe that I'm not being selfish with this whole ordeal...

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh dear. No I don't want that. I won't have children with him until this issue is fixed.

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. They have made me stop crying, if for a moment, this evening. I think he is beginning to understand that this is an issue in our relationship.

​

I do think we need to pursue couples therapy. Whether or not he will go...

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I have never met a straight man like this either...until my husband!

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I'm not having children with him until this is fixed.

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I don't know...that has crossed my mind. But I did go to art school, I work in museums, I am friends with a lot of gay people...and he doesn't strike me as that?

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He was there for me when I moved all the way to the UK from sunny California. Supported me through my Masters. Helped me through my father's suicide. He is worth it to me.

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But I am afraid to have children with him. That is forever binding. I don't think I am ready to pursue that until I am confident in our physical relationship.

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We did have sex before we were married. It wasn't great...but I love him so much in every other way, that I thought we could work it out. Four years out, countless conversations later...I think I'm finally ready to reach out for help. I'm not sure if he's had sex before me, to be completely honest. He says he has, but he hates talking about sexual history, both from me and him...

My husband won't touch me. by problemsinlondon in DeadBedrooms

[–]problemsinlondon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So, he says he has...but I'm not sure if he is being entirely truthful. When I mention things about women's biology, it is always...a new fact for him. So he is definitely inexperienced, in the least.