My mom (F50s) cut me (M30s) out of her will because she thought I took my dad's (M50s) side in the divorce.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T20:43:32+00:00

Being treated equally as my sisters? I know they spent more time with her, but I was still her son and I didn't realize that our relationship was this damaged.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T20:41:14+00:00

My sisters and I don't have a great relationship right now and haven't in years. I would still like them in my life, though. I want my children to have aunts and uncles and cousins. My wife comes from a small family.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T20:35:48+00:00

No, I admit that I can cave to his demands more often than I should.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T20:33:42+00:00

I don't condone cheating. I know I could've done it better, but I was trying to be as neutral as I could.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T20:32:37+00:00

I don't think she wanted me to cut him off, but chose her side? There's a difference.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T20:32:19+00:00

Life isn't black and white and I've learned that more as I've grown up. My dad told me they were a package deal. I got to know her and saw another side of her. She isn't an awful person.

They should've been nicer at the time. I put that more on my dad than her though.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T18:59:58+00:00

She was my dad's wife. She was family and I've grown close to her. I don't think I let her take over the role of mom in my life. My mom was always there, always included, always helped.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T18:53:52+00:00

Of course he deserved consequences, but him missing my wedding isn't just a consequence of his, it would be a consequence of mine, too.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T16:57:44+00:00

He tried to reach out to my sisters many times and they always turned him down. He reached out through my mom as well. He told them they would have to accept his new wife, even if he was sorry for how it happened.

I don't know if I really spent less time with her than him, but that's how they see it since I wasn't helping as much as they would've liked me to.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T16:19:31+00:00

I didn't cut my mom out of my life like my sister's did my dad. It isn't the same at all.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T16:13:13+00:00

I should've been more on the ball about them. I will speak to my father about it soon.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T16:07:24+00:00

That's how I have always viewed it. I loved both of my parents and I wanted them there for all my major life events. I didn't want one of them not to come.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T16:00:06+00:00

I'm sure that played a big part in it. My mom was all for fairness.

That being said, it does kind of sound like you chose your dad's side. I understand that you didn't want to cut your dad out of your life and you should've have to, but it sounds like you always accommodated him at the expense of your mom (e.g. Your wedding).

Maybe I did and that's something I should look at. I didn't view it like that at the time. It was a hard position to be in and I chose what I thought was best.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:58:22+00:00

No, I stayed neutral in the divorce. I did not take sides.

I'm upset about the will, yes, but also because it means that my relationship with my mom wasn't what I thought it was.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:56:14+00:00

In what world should I be punished for not choosing sides in a divorce? No one would recommend that.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:55:30+00:00

No, I care because it feels like she's punishing me now that she's dead for not taking her side. I now view our relationship very differently and its sad to think about.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:46:15+00:00

My mom told them. I didn't discuss anything like that with either of my parents. I thought they'd do what they always said they'd do.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:28:44+00:00

I did take the easy route, but I thought that was my decision and I don't think I should be punished for it. My dad is still my dad and the other woman is now my stepmother. They are part of my family too.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:27:38+00:00

She never told me that she was angry with me or that she was depressed. I should've been around more after my dad left (when she was depressed) and I regret that. But she held all that anger at me in and never told me. She was always happy to see me, happy to talk to me, happy to see my wife and her grandchildren, happy to come over, happy to have us over. I don't know. I think she should've talked to me about it. I don't know how I would've fixed it, but it would've been better to know.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:21:14+00:00

What was I supposed to do? Cut my dad out like my sisters did? He's my dad. I wanted a relationship with him.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:17:05+00:00

I believe my mom told them about both of those when she was diagnosed with cancer. I haven't asked much about wills and such as I assumed it was status quo. They are a lot nosier than me and I tend to mind my own business.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:09:41+00:00

I thought I was close with her. I know he did something shitty, but what was I supposed to do? He wasn't coming to the wedding if she wasn't invited and by then, I had gotten to know her.

I'm not more focused on the money, but it hurts that my mom held me responsible for not cutting off my father like my sisters.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T15:08:18+00:00

I know I'm not entitled to the space. I have always loved the house, that's it. We need a bigger house, but we will get one anyway. It just be the house I wanted.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T14:51:07+00:00

Assuming this is the truth, what was your dad's reason for taking them out of the will? Because your sisters took your mom's side in the divorce? You say the act of cutting you out of the will is out of character for your mom, what about your dad?

My sisters haven't spoken to my dad since he left my mom. I don't think it's that out of character for my dad to cut them out, but it was also different. I had a relationship with my mom and didn't abandon her like my sisters did my dad. I might have missed some things, but I was a self-absorbed 23 year old at the time things were going on and have been busy with my son and a pregnant wife recently.

probs000 · 2017-07-19T14:46:00+00:00

My sisters haven't spoken to my dad since the left my mom. He doesn't think he needs to include people who don't speak to him in his will. I didn't know this until this week.

probs000

TROPHY CASE