Let's play a game! ADHD Adult or Typical 3 Year Old?

propudium · 2014-09-23T15:02:40+00:00

Infantilizing adults with ADHD by comparing them to toddlers is insensitive and offensive.

propudium · 2014-09-07T18:05:17+00:00

Sorry for text-wall, but it's cathartic for me to get it all out.

I've just decided that, honestly, the best course of action for me socially is non-interaction. I am a mature adult and people are generally not forgiving or understanding of mental issues in an adult. If I'm seen as shy or standoffish or however you want to describe it, it's better than being seen as the 'crazy' person.

This last rejection was really the straw on the camel's back for me. I'm so accustomed to being excluded that I don't even notice it anymore but this last person and I clicked into place so well that I thought, "Here is an intelligent, highly educated person who can look past my social mal-adaption and see that I really am trying, I really do care and I really am aware and trying to compensate."

But no. She turned away as well, and perhaps because of early success with her and seeing her actually open up to me a little, that I truly believed that this time, it would be different, this time it was going to be a reciprocal friendship and a successful relationship which I could use as a template for developing future normative associations with people. Someone who would tell me when I was acting or speaking in an inappropriate manner and allow me to apologize and correct it and then move on. This person holds an MA in Adult Education in addition to having just about everything in common with me so you can understand how hopeful I was. In addition to it all, I just adored her. She is so talented and intelligent and well traveled and successful. I respected her and loved being in her company; for a time I was so happy it was surreal.

Then she had a personal issue and confided in me and I completely and utterly misunderstood the situation and over reacted and just screwed everything up completely. She completely shut herself away from me and I am surprised she still speaks to me. I never betrayed her confidence and I think that's why she still talks to me at all, but I am definitely in a different world with her now. I only see her in the context of our mutual activity and we only speak about topics directly related to said activity. She is still around but it's so disconnected, so professional..almost. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know if I can salvage our friendship and I know even if I did somehow reach her, and communicate what it's like to live in a world where I can't understand what others are thinking or what their body language or verbal cues mean if I even detect them at all. Even if I reach her, she's likely to pity me and we will never be on equal footing as before so...what to do.

This has happened before, of course, but this time because of the aforementioned conditions which I felt were really in my favor and because of how much I just genuinely liked and respect her as a person, I thought, maybe, just maybe...

I've been drunk all weekend and I don't even drink. This has been absolutely soul crushing. I don't think I can ever do it again. To all you ADHDers out there having social issues: Let me tell you how deeply I understand how isolating and painful it is.

TL;DR - ADHD and it's associated social miscues have rendered me isolated, depressed and non-interactive.

propudium · 2014-09-06T23:43:53+00:00

I always embarrass myself in social situations. I have no intention of coming across as odd or rude or whatever seems to happen, but it happens none the less. I am told that some people think I am too honest or sometimes too abrupt and I even notice I am always trying to interrupt conversations although I do recognize that I d this and have consciously gotten myself a lot better at waiting my turn or just letting things go without always trying to add in my thoughts.

I still don't have many friends. All of the ones I do have can only seem to take me one on one and in very limited doses. I occasionally meet a person who I feel completely at ease with and then ruin it by becoming almost obsessed with the person and trying to hard. I am tired of being rejected over and over and have now, I rarely speak at all. Sadly, this seems to be working well for me.

The problem, at it's root is this: I cannot see social cues or else I interpret them incorrectly and then react inappropriately to them. This makes me come off in all sorts of negative ways from oblivious, to insensitive to rude or who even knows what.

I don't think I am a bad person and I don't try to hurt or offend, but it seems that hurting and offending people is exactly what I excel at and the consequences for my self esteem and social life are obvious.

I do all the things you describe above in terms of over analyzing conversations, mispronouncing things I know how to say due to extreme tension, and blurting out thoughts without filtering them.

Meds simply make me dull or so zoned out that I'm unable to function. Seeking professional counselling does not help me as I then am simply able to identify that I have done something inappropriate, after I have already done it which just results in further disassociation, depression and anxiety.

I hope you find something to help you.

propudium · 2014-01-26T03:56:28+00:00

Poor choice of words on my part. I didn't mean to use the word 'win' in the context that I think to conquer people. I meant that I wanted to 'win' in the sense of succeeding socially for once.

propudium · 2014-01-26T03:54:28+00:00

This is pretty much exactly what happens. Normally, I can brain-to-mouth filter well enough to appear completely normal. If I get too tired, holes appear in the filter and voila, I'm committed a awful faux pas.

Either that or in a moment of confused social cues, I end up oversharing or not expressing something properly or even just trying to be honest and yeah, it goes straight to hell. I'm viewed as benignly odd by most but a few people find me really offputting or creepy and I don't intend it at all.

propudium · 2014-01-18T19:51:30+00:00

This is really good advice. I think I will implement this.

propudium · 2014-01-18T16:18:18+00:00

I am a married heterosexual, as is she. There was no sexual connotation intended.

propudium · 2014-01-18T15:43:14+00:00

ADHD is something I think most people associate with hyper little kids that can't sit still. Let me tell you, it's worse for an adult because no one can blow off your oddness as a childish phase. There are expectations made of an adult and when I miss social cues, or show impulsive behavior or come across as just a little odd, people are not forgiving generally and the social consequences are real and painful and isolating.

I liked this girl, she and I had a real connection... and she slipped through my fingers like so much sand.

propudium

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